Korean Job Discussion Forums

[cubanlord]

man. As good as I think this country is, every once in a while, things happen and it reminds me how sickening this place is sometimes. Here is my story.

I just got done dropping a deuce when my lady walks into the apartment. Afraid she may regrettably take a wiff, I open the window to the bathroom. She walks in with this face that looks like she is about to vomit. I start thinking: "dang, I knew I should not have eaten that lasagna for lunch." I ask, "baby, what's wrong?" She responds, "I just saw the most disturbing thing." For a moment I was relieved because I thought it was the odor which was no permeating through the bathroom walls. "Baby, what is it?", I asked.

So she begins to tell me how she was walking back from the drycleaners when she saw a college-aged kid dragging his girl by the hair. Then, when they stopped, he slapped her in the face. I was speechless. I asked her, "are you sure?" She says yes. So off I go. I got dressed (I was about to shower) and ran outside to where this was happening (about 8 blocks away). Lo and behold, they are still there. So, I tell my wife to stay back while I see what's up. I stand right next to them just staring. The guy notices me and says, "whaeyo"? So, I respond in Korean, "nothing, keep going". Meanwhile, the guy is feeling uncomfortable and he and his girlfriend cross the street (I guess to get more privacy). So, I follow. Then he asks me what I want again. I asked him in Korean if he pulled his woman's hair. He said no. I told him talking is ok, but, smacking her in the face and pulling her hair is not. Then he said something which I did not understand. The girlfriend then covered his mouth.

I couldn't understand but got the gist of it. So, I told him in Korean, "do it one more time, then do it to me." He didn't speak English, but, he understood. He said something else in Korean which I did not understand but figured it was bad because his girlfriend kept covering his mouth. So, I said, "I'll knock you the *beep* out...come on". At this point, my adrenaline's pumping and I am about to throw down. He knows it and is ready too (I told my wife to stay out of it and she stayed across the street). I asked him one more time in Korean, "do you understand? Don't TOUCH her". So, he responds, "arasoyo". Politely...which threw me off. I wasn't expecting that.

I then turn to the girl and ask her if she is ok and where she is going. She says she is fine and is going home and that she is sorry but her boyfriend does not speak English. I asked her again, "are you ok?" she says...YES!?!??!?!??!

WTF?!??!?! The guy just got done pulling you by the hair and hitting you in the face. AND TO TOP IT OFF, THERE WERE AT LEAST 20 KOREANS AROUND THAT WATCHED THIS IN BROAD DAYLIGHT AND DID NOTHING TO STOP IT!!!!!!! My wife had to come and get me to take care of it!!!!!! This leads me to my crossroads and my questions:

Why did NO ONE do anything to protect her?
Why did she not scream for help?
Why did she say that she was ok when he was bullying her?
Why are people so scared to help?
Why is it that if I beat the living *beep* out of him that I am the one that gets into trouble? In other words, I'd be the one to 'pay'.

I am sorry, but, back in Florida, if a dude was seen pulling his lady's hair and slapping her, well, there would be a gang load of niggas all over him in the blink of an eye. THEN, IF THE COPS GOT INVOLVED, HE WOULD BE THE ONE TO GET FUCKED! NOT ME!

So, after taking a shower with my lovely wife, I have decided that unless the woman is screaming bloody murder, I will not get involved. My wife and I have too much to loose. Especially over someone who when given the chance to get help, denies it.

Unbelievable. Maybe it's my ethnocentricism coming out. But, this..this sickness...this pervasive infection among Koreans in this country makes me sick. They are all about being a collectivist society...yeah???? WELL WHAT ABOUT HELPING EACH OTHER OUT YOU STUPID FUCKKKKSSSS!!!!!!

Makes me sick this kind of thing does.

[shaunew]

I have seen this many times as well. My wife tells me to stay out of it, we have to much to lose. Then she thanks me, because she will never have to go through that like so many Korean women have to. If the guys are not kicking the sh!t out of them, they are cheating on them. Other then that it is a good country.

[whatever]

Really classy of you to add that unnecessary epithet at the end of your post...

Somebody should be kicking your ass.

[Ilsanman]

You did the right thing in the end.

One thing I hate tio admit but it's true, any change that comes in this country WILL NOT COME FROM FOREIGNERS. Women like her have to stand up for themselves before anything will ever change on this point.

I won't bother helping a damsel in distress here. Let the Koreans do it.

[mercury]

What you met was a prince, I have seen many in my time, his throne was wiped clean by his mother his whole life. He is royalty! But........he sure got a lesson when you stepped up to him. So did his girl. I think they both realized that the king has no clothes, good job!

[eamo]

[Sleepy in Seoul]

Domestic violence is always bad, no matter where you are. For police officers, it is one of the worst jobs to attend because you never know what has happened/will happen. I once knew a retired London bobbie who told me that he attended a domestic violence job in London years and years ago. The husband had been giving his wife an absolute thrashing, so the two bobbies proceeded to take him into the corner of his kitchen and give him a taste of his own medicine. While this was happening, the wife attacked my friend and stabbed him in the face with a skewer, screaming at them to not touch her husband.

Stepping up to help a woman in a situation like this is admirable, but it can often be an exercise in frustration, especially when in a foreign country. Help by all means, but don't expect any thanks for it.

[cubanlord]

seriously though, I am glad it happened...because....I learned a valuable lesson: Unless they are screaming for help, I am NOT going to jump in. Period.

and for the one that said "nice little remark at the end of my post"...deal with it. you act like you have never been angry about something and expressed your feelings verbally. You act like you have never felt or thought anything negative about anything before. Please. He who is free from sin may cast the first stone there buddy.

[Mix1]

Yeah, I say good job overall. Tough situation for sure, but you probably did teach him a lesson in some odd way... or maybe he just won't do it in public now?
When some bull sh*t is going down like that, It's probably hard to just sit by and think logically, as many of our instincts (particularly in the west) would usually be to help a woman in need like that. I don't know what I would do in the same situation but I know it would be hard to just sit by and say "gosh, she may or may not thank me, or I may or may not get fined 1000 bucks..." or "gee, it's just cultural relativism... the Korean guy probably won't learn... maybe its the girl's own fault...it's not my business..."
One could argue all that stuff but what happens when it's right in front of you? Is anyone going to say that they would honestly just sit there? Or... is anyone going to argue that it is OK for the guy to drag her by her hair in public and slap her around? I actually think some Koreans probably would intervene or help the girl out in some way in extreme cases...(though I'm not saying they would try to fight the guy automatically either). Or at least I would hope so, but I've never witnessed this myself.
The fact is the abuser probably is some prince guy on a power trip who has maybe never had any negative consequences for any of his bullsh*t actions... and he just had his first reality check... that maybe what he is doing to the girl is not proper or ideal behavior...even in Korea.

Yeah the guy who wrote the OP is a "foreigner", but so what? He's also human, acting by his own set of values and culturally based rules... and yes, emotions. I have mixed feelings on the issue, but if the role were reversed and this was happening in ...let's say California, USA, and some "foreigner" tried to intervene and help the girl... might we look at it differently? And, I would argue that in some cases societies have a responsibility to self regulate certain actions within the society, but that some cultures have different views of what behaviors are acceptable or not. The OP may not be Korean, but is at least living within Korean society, and maybe this does not automatically negate his views or behaviors. Just a thought.

[VanIslander]

I like what you did; I don't share the "lesson" you've "learned".

If every waygook did what you had done then public displays of domestic violence would become less prevalent.

Express your values: It's NOT acceptable. Or shouldn't be.

One person will not change things. But thousands can help start the momentum for change.

No need to repond to domestic violence by being violent oneself!! Simply express one's outrage, pointing, yelling, saying something, whatever.

That said, we each have to decide for ourselves where we draw the line between living our values and living according to those of the culture we find ourselves in.

[cubanlord]

I've had a chance to calm down now. I am still livid, but I'll manage. It hurts. It really hurts to see someone weaker get bullied. I can't stand it nor will I allow it if I can do something about it; no matter the consequences. I may not be the toughtest guy and perhaps I can take some of the suggestions on here (i.e. shout, point, etc. to get people's attention rather than be violent myself). Though, in the end, tonight, I can sleep and rest assured that I did what I felt was right. I helped someone that was experiencing something they should NOT have to experience.

You are right though.....answering violence with violence is NOT the appropriate action to take. I should take another peak at that. Thanks.

I really don't know what to do. I guess I'll have to think about it some more. Help...or not help.....or wait for the word 'help' to be called out...who knows...

[Mix1]

Relax, nobodys perfect.... but in the end you won the battle..and yeah you can sleep at night with a relatively clear conscience.

[demi]

[Vicissitude]

If it's Korean-on-Korean fighting - which I have seen plenty of times - I just either ignore it or smile and laugh out of disgust. I've seen this sort of thing in the subway. Some other Koreans were shocked but I wasn't in the least. I just remember what my mother told me, "Vicissitude, it's not your culture. This is THEIR country and their culture. You can't change these people. Just leave them alone. Mind your own business!" Then I also remember what my grandma use to say, "where are they when WE need help?!"

[happeningthang]

Yeah I'm going with the change in tone towards the 'mind your own business' end of the spectrum. It's admirable that Cubanlord wants to protect people from being bullied, but it is still someone's personal business you're interfering in - especially in a scenario where you're arguing with a loved one. Intervening to prevent physical violence is absolutely the right thing to do, but I don't think running blocks to pick a fight with a guy, still in the middle of an argument, after the fact is going to achieve much at all.

Stand back and bear witness to assure there's no further violence by all means, and even if there is DON'T think this is an excuse to start throwing anything - punches, abuse or down. Stand in between them - tell the guy to cool it - but anything else only soothes your sense of outrage and does nothing but inflame the situation for the couple. The girl and the guy still have their own issue to sort out, and they'll still have to do so after any heroics.

Physical violence against the girl is the line. I'd only intervene to prevent it. Everything before and after is their business.