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Korean Job Discussion Forums
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| Do you want a baby (s)? |
| Yes |
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37% |
[ 9 ] |
| No |
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41% |
[ 10 ] |
| Maybe |
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20% |
[ 5 ] |
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| Total Votes : 24 |
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Message |
ilovebdt
Joined: 03 Jun 2005
Location: Nr Seoul
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 Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 5:51 pm Post subject: |
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I'm a maybe. I prefer bigger kids to babies.
I agree with Kermo in that I would probably adopt before having some of my own.
ilovebdt |
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Sine qua non
Joined: 18 Feb 2007
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| Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 6:35 pm Post subject: |
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I didn't vote but I'll give my perspective.
I feel along similar lines as ilovebdt; I am comfortable when they children would get past puberty. Caring for infants, toddlers, and youngsters scares me. It means I have to be responsible.
Having said that, I would like to have children, as long as their mother would carry a lot of the responsibility of caring for them while they are young.
Is this a terrible attitude? |
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ella
Joined: 17 Apr 2006
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| Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 8:22 pm Post subject: |
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Double post - sorry.
Last edited by ella on Fri Jul 20, 2007 7:35 am; edited 1 time in total |
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ella
Joined: 17 Apr 2006
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| Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 8:22 pm Post subject: |
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Yes, if: I had a husband, he also wanted them, we could afford for one of us to stay home, and could also afford help caring for the infant.
No, if: I had a husband who didn't want children or I wasn't married.
Since I'm not married it's a moot point. |
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Atavistic
Joined: 22 May 2006
Location: How totally stupid that Korean doesn't show in this area.
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| Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 8:33 pm Post subject: |
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No. Never.
My grandmother told me I was selfish cause I didn't want kids then said she wanted greatgrandbabies so I'd better have kids. Yes, my uterus is a wish fulfilment center apparently.
(For the record, Grandma has 5 children from two different men. All have been married at least once--all are married now. Of those couples, 1 is childfree, and 4 have children. Grandma's got 3 married grandsons, at least 2 more unmarried ones and 6 unmarried granddaughters. I think I'm forgetting some people though.)
Several non-family members have told me the best part of having kids is having grandkids. And no, they weren't kidding. Jesus, how frickin' stupid.
I don't date men who want kids because I don't want to waste their time. And if they try and tell me I'll change my mind or what if I regret it, I drop them.
Last edited by Atavistic on Thu Jul 19, 2007 9:18 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Atavistic
Joined: 22 May 2006
Location: How totally stupid that Korean doesn't show in this area.
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| Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 9:14 pm Post subject: |
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| just alittlecrazy wrote: |
| Julius wrote: |
Having said that...I've never met a woman who regretted having her children.  |
really? you need to get out into the real world more.
western women usually say "i love my kids but..." so theres a hint of regret. |
I've been straight up told by women who have children, who really wanted children, "Don't have kids. I regret it and wish I didn't have them."
I have heard it from tons of men, too.
There is a very dated, non-scientific Ann Landers column from the 70s where a majority of parents said they wished they didn't have kids. Marital happiness declines when kids are around, studies have shown. |
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Atavistic
Joined: 22 May 2006
Location: How totally stupid that Korean doesn't show in this area.
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| Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 9:28 pm Post subject: |
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| princess wrote: |
| I have never been one to say awwwwww when I see a baby. |
Babies in general are boring. They poop and cry. I am so sick of my cousins and my brother sending me "a couple" photos of their kid. Then 17 minutes later after 54 photos have downloaded, I get the same three looks.
The only good thing about pictures of babies is that as they get cuter the pictures get rarer and thus better looking.
I know, I know, babies are the most adorable thing ever to Mommy and Daddy. Yes, we call that Baby Brain.
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Yesterday someone told me I should have babies one day or 20 years from now I will be all alone. I said well, you die alone anyways. That's no reason to have a baby. You better be REALLY ready to have one. |
Yeah, I've never understood the pyramid scheme of having kids. Having kids is no promise that anyone will take care of you. Hell, in Korea they could bring shame down upon your whole family. Joy!
And the childfree (childfree implies choice, childless implies circumstance) couples and singles I know are not at all lonely.
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| lBabies are expensive, too. |
Yep. And then parents want other tax payers to take care of them with credits and breaks. Why should I pay for your expensive little hobby?
(By the way, there is a difference between breeders and parents. Unfortunately, most people are breeders who make comments like, "My airfare was four times more than your airfare because I have a wife and two kids, so you should feel sorry for me," or "I deserve more vacation because I have kids," or "I'm sorry I was late AGAIN to work, but the baby...")
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| I can barley take care of myself, so why would I want a chain around my neck 24/7? |
Well I CAN take care of myself just fine.
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| It's fine to teach kids because at the end of the day they go back to mommy. |
I LOVE teaching kids because I get to be another adult in their life and I get to send them home when they make me crazy.
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| I had a life all these years,a dn I don't need a baby messing that up. Yesterday someone told me you can still have a life. |
If you are breathing you have a life. That doesn't mean it's a life for everyone.
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| One of my Korean friends had a baby a few months ago and she is 28. I haven't been able to see her since January. She told me she was getting really depressed and stuff, too because her life is gone. |
Unfortunately, having a baby, like getting married or moving far away is one of those things that can really screw up a friendship. Luckily my best friend is truly a PNB (parent not breeder) who has a life outside of her kids. Amen. |
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Atavistic
Joined: 22 May 2006
Location: How totally stupid that Korean doesn't show in this area.
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| Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 9:29 pm Post subject: |
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| Sine qua non wrote: |
Having said that, I would like to have children, as long as their mother would carry a lot of the responsibility of caring for them while they are young.
Is this a terrible attitude? |
Not if you don't lie to the woman about it BEFORE she gets pregnant. |
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tzechuk
Joined: 20 Dec 2004
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| Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 9:37 pm Post subject: |
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I've got one. I had always wanted babies. I am super glad I got mine. I have no regrets.
I don't think women who say *I love my kids, but* regret having kids. They may just dream of the freedom and other stuff they COULD have but the moment you offer to take their kids away to give them back their freedom, they will probably say *over my dead body* or something like that first. |
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jlb
Joined: 18 Sep 2003
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| Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 9:37 pm Post subject: |
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Babies for me? NEVER, NEVER, NEVER. In fact, I can't really imagine a bigger nightmare.
For one thing, I would no longer be as hot as I am now with stretch marks and all that 
Secondly, I enjoy my carefree lifestyle of random hiking /travelling/ relaxing/ESling.
Thirdly, I'm not married and don't have a boyfriend and wouldn't even consider being a single mom. And I'm not so sure that I actually want to be married.
Fourthly, I'm too selfish. Waking up in the middle of the night to feed my crying baby? Cleaning up puke and crap? Giving up any semblance of free time/personal life for 10 years or longer? No thanks.
Fifthly, I feel like I can contribute in positive ways to the world without being a baby machine.
Sixthly, there are a lot of babies out there already who need homes. If I ever considered having a baby/child, I would adopt or become a foster parent.
Seventhly, going along with sixthly. Overpopulation: the world can only support so many people and I don't want to contribute to it's downfall.
Enough reasons? I'm sure I'll think of more later. These are only off the top of my head. |
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tzechuk
Joined: 20 Dec 2004
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| Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 9:51 pm Post subject: |
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| jlb wrote: |
Babies for me? NEVER, NEVER, NEVER. In fact, I can't really imagine a bigger nightmare.
For one thing, I would no longer be as hot as I am now with stretch marks and all that |
I don't have stretch marks and I think I am still pretty hot
| Quote: |
| Secondly, I enjoy my carefree lifestyle of random hiking /travelling/ relaxing/ESling. |
I still travel and relax. I don't hike anyhow... so may be that's the difference.
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| Fourthly, I'm too selfish. Waking up in the middle of the night to feed my crying baby? Cleaning up puke and crap? Giving up any semblance of free time/personal life for 10 years or longer? No thanks. |
If you breastfeed and co-sleep, feeding in the night isn't as much a chore as you think, cos you can feed your baby in bed and you can both fall asleep together afterwards.
I still have my free time and all that. I don't claim to be a super mum and I don't think that my child would be psychological damaged if I got help. So I have got help and I spend as much of my free time as possible with my daughter. I am the one who cooks her breakfast, lunch and dinner whenever I am home and on holiday.
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| Fifthly, I feel like I can contribute in positive ways to the world without being a baby machine. |
I believe i contribute positively to the world and having one child does not make me become a baby machine. I object to this strongly and I think you will find other mothers do, too.
Just because we have children does not make us baby machines - or that we do not contribute towards the good of the world.
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| Seventhly, going along with sixthly. Overpopulation: the world can only support so many people and I don't want to contribute to it's downfall. |
Yes, over-population, but this is yet another skewed excuse people give themselves for not having children. For your information, a lot of advanced countries (take Japan as an example) have AGING populations. They have more old people but worry that they do not have enough young people to continue. Why do you think that places like Australia give money to parents for having more than one kids?
Even Korea gives money to the third child and beyond, towards their education and stuff.
Another example is China. Since they started the one-child policy, the gov. stat offices have discovered that their people are living longer and longer but yet the number of their young people are in decline.
Bottom line is - if you don't want children, you will have hundreds of excuses to NOT have children.
Likewise, for those of us that want children, we will continue to have them.
Live and let live. |
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Atavistic
Joined: 22 May 2006
Location: How totally stupid that Korean doesn't show in this area.
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| Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 10:52 pm Post subject: |
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| tzechuk wrote: |
Bottom line is - if you don't want children, you will have hundreds of excuses to NOT have children. |
Since when is a REASON an EXCUSE? |
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Big_Bird
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: Sometimes here sometimes there...
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| Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 11:01 pm Post subject: |
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| tzechuk wrote: |
I've got one. I had always wanted babies. I am super glad I got mine. I have no regrets.
I don't think women who say *I love my kids, but* regret having kids. They may just dream of the freedom and other stuff they COULD have but the moment you offer to take their kids away to give them back their freedom, they will probably say *over my dead body* or something like that first. |
Well said. |
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JongnoGuru
Joined: 25 May 2004
Location: peeing on your doorstep
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| Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 11:40 pm Post subject: |
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| Atavistic wrote: |
| tzechuk wrote: |
Bottom line is - if you don't want children, you will have hundreds of excuses to NOT have children. |
Since when is a REASON an EXCUSE? |
Well, you'll forgive of us if some of the "reasons" cited start looking a bit like grasping at excuses. I mean, fear of stretch marks and overcrowding on Planet Earth? uh...
By the way, quite a number of women here are saying they don't want kids of their own, but are open to the idea of adopting at some point in the future. My guess: they're all currently single. My mean-assed prediction of the day: they'll change their tune and have kids after marriage, or they'll remain single and childless forever. |
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Alyallen
Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Location: The 4th Greatest Place on Earth = Jeonju!!!
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| Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 11:50 pm Post subject: |
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| JongnoGuru wrote: |
| Atavistic wrote: |
| tzechuk wrote: |
Bottom line is - if you don't want children, you will have hundreds of excuses to NOT have children. |
Since when is a REASON an EXCUSE? |
Well, you'll forgive of us if some of the "reasons" cited start looking a bit like grasping at excuses. I mean, fear of stretch marks and overcrowding on Planet Earth? uh...
By the way, quite a number of women here are saying they don't want kids of their own, but are open to the idea of adopting at some point in the future. My guess: they're all currently single. My mean-assed prediction of the day: they'll change their tune and have kids after marriage, or they'll remain single and childless forever. |
Well...it makes sense though. I'm in a relationship but I might as well be single since my boyfriend is on another continent. I'm too busy counting down to the day I'll get laid to even want to THINK about babies... |
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