Korean Job Discussion Forums

Toby · Joined: 15 Jan 2003 Location: Wedded Bliss

Another one to bore you with, another anti-foreign Korean.

For the first time in 32 months here, I was 'victim' to a verbal attack on myself and my Korean girlfriend last night on the subway in Jamsil.

Some Korean guy, well dressed, about 35, deicided to tell me that people didn't want to see this type of thing on the subway. When I asked what type of thing, he proceeded to tell me that people didn't want to see hugging, holding hands or kissing on the subway, and if I wanted to do that I should do it in my own house or room. He then started telling me that this wasn't my country and that I shouldn't be here. My reply was a short and simple,"Whatever. Now good night." He then took it upon himself to launch into my girlfriend, which I fully understood what he was saying, at which point I intervened and pushed him away, telling him in no uncertain terms to f..k off and go home.

He was causing a real scene and several people had stopped to watch what was happening. He fronted me up a bit and then left, heading up the starirs, all the time telling me that I sholdn't do that kind of thing and that this wasn't my country and that I had to respect Korea. (I hasten to say at this point that I wasn't doing anything that you don't normally see a couple, of any age, doing on the subway). I was just repeating "Goodnight" to him and turning away from him.

I wasn't really bothered - a little, but my girlfriend was really shaken by it, and after the initial shock she was really angry.

Now. My question is - why do they bother? Luckily for him I am the last person in the world to condone violence, but I have several friends here that wouldn't have thought twice about dropping him there and then on the spot.

He did nothing abpart from upset my girlfriend and making himself look really stupid, as people were stopping to look at him shouting his obscenities at me.

His english was really very good, so at some point I am assuming that he has lived or travelled abroad to study english, or has studied here for a long time to get to that level. So, he must have reason for doing that, and thus having reason to be able to converse with native english poeple.

It is the first time in my time here that I have EVER felt threatened or not welcome here. This is the safest place I have been in out of the various, limited, countries that I have been to. Even all these threads about Itaewon are not relevant to my life as I have NEVER witnessed any fights or hostility when I go there. If anything, quite the opposite. I quite enjoy going there as you meet a good cross section of people and generally end up having a good drunken night with friends.

It hasn't made me think any less of living here as I genuinely love it here and I guess that this is just another notch on the experience pole that we all carry. But it just makes you wonder why the odd person here or there feels that they have to 'vent'.

Did he feel the need to this because:

a) he was drunk?
b) of an insecurity complex?
c) he was unhappy at home and was angry a Korean girl was with a foriegn guy?
d) he just has a chip on his shoulder about foreigners?

I know that we know that we will never know the answer, but why don't they just keep their opinions to themselves?

Zyzyfer · Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2003 5:20 pm Post subject:

It's the Korean way. I wear a flannel jacket to work every day because it has a hood, and is pretty warm, and a guy who is otherwise a great guy keeps telling me that I need to change my clothes, like I'm a bum or something.

ulsanchris · Joined: 19 Jun 2003 Location: take a wild guess

were you hugging, or kissing your girlfriend on the subway? That sort of behaviour isn't acceptable in korea. If you were doing those things it probably didn't help that you are a foriegner with a korean girl. IF it were two koreans hugging or kissing they might have been scolded by an older korean.
I don't see how anyone can have a problem with holding hands though.

Toby · Joined: 15 Jan 2003 Location: Wedded Bliss

Nothing untoward was happening. She was leaning against me as I was standing up, half sleeping. It genuinely was nothing that you don't see any other normal couple doing.

Pyongshin Sangja · Joined: 20 Apr 2003 Location: I love baby!

Why do they bother? Because you are a fly in the ointment. How can he enslave this girl and force her into a life of prostitution/Korean marriage if you are dating her?

Gord · Joined: 25 Feb 2003

The forum software has become sentient and voices the answer for all to hear!

Pyongshin Sangja · Joined: 20 Apr 2003 Location: I love baby!

Personally, I wish I could get the Korean girls to leave me alone sometimes. Who is taking advantage of whom? No, I am not usually this conceited. I just prefer Western chicks.

candu · Joined: 16 Jan 2003

Ulsanchris,

Hugging, kissing, and holding hands in the subway isn't all that unusual these days. Except if you are a foreigner...

desultude · Posted: Wed Oct 15, 2003 6:37 pm Post subject:

Toby said:

Toby · Joined: 15 Jan 2003 Location: Wedded Bliss

'THEY' comes from the other threads posted.

That wasn't a reflection on my personal experience. My mistake.

Austin · Joined: 23 May 2003 Location: In the kitchen

It is unfortunate that you are not concerned with the customs and cultural practices of a country that you have resided in for over two years. Things may be changing and becoming a bit more "liberal," but many people still value the more traditional conservative values of Korea. Therefore, it should be no surprise to you that some people prefer for you to take it behind closed doors.

Every country has certain standards of decency that you may or may not agree with completely, but as a guest, the onus is on us to learn what is appropriate and what is not, if we want to avoid upsetting others or creating conflicts. Contrary to your own personal assessment, you obviously crossed a line last night.

Do you disagree with anything the man had to say?

Whether you do or not, allow me to suggest trying the following the next time you have a similar conflict:

When a person approaches you and explains that they are upset by your conduct, stop what you are doing and say "I am sorry." If the person complains further, politely explain that you were not aware that you were doing something offensive, thank the person for letting you know, and apologize again.

For a person that claims to not condone violence, you sure know how to further aggravate a situation. Being respectfully kind and considerate tends to be much more helpful than copping an attitude of "what is your problem, I did nothing wrong, etc."

Funny that you would comment that he made himself look stupid. What have you just done?

As for the odd person feeling that they have to vent, this site is a testament to that, so why does it make you wonder?

Too bad that you never stopped to consider that the guy was trying to be helpful by letting you know that your behavior was inappropriate. Had you responded with a showing of appreciation, there never would have been an issue!

Since we live together and share public transportation, it is only fitting that we respect the norms of the society in which we live. Had you done that, no doubt the man would have minded his own business.

dogbert · Joined: 29 Jan 2003 Location: Killbox 90210

Toby · Joined: 15 Jan 2003 Location: Wedded Bliss

Whe I questioned the guy what kind of thing he was referring to, he launched into me, not really giving me time to apologise, as was suugested. He was confrontational from the off, and didn't really lead me to believe that a rational apology would suffice for something I had alledgedly done.

Butterfly · Joined: 02 Mar 2003 Location: Kuwait

I just dont hold hands or display affection in public. I have found to this point it has kept me out of trouble.

As Desultute correctly points out, once in 32 months isn't bad when you consider the thousands and thousands of people the OP must have encountered with his girlfriend on the subway, bus etc.

I don't like looking at couples all over each other on the subway either (though the OP said his behaviour was mild) in the street you can just walk by, but on the bus or subway there isn't any escape from it.

I saw some guy a while back, foreigner, snogging his Korean girlfriend and touching her arse and everything. I wanted to lecture him in a pretty similar way to the OP's friend. You see a lot of Korea couples acting that way these days too, it's very rude.

Mosley · Joined: 15 Jan 2003

As a poster wrote, the "onerous(sic) is on us" indeed. The next time a drunken ajossi berates you for, say, blowing your nose in public, apologize profusely to the horking, spitting, puking complainant. Indeed, pay homage to the specimen of a higher Asian culture. Barbarians! What ARE they doing here on this glorious peninsula?!

... "onerous" indeed....