Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Ya-ta Boy]

I thought maybe some people would enjoy these.


The Foolish Woman
A Married Woman, whose lover was about to reform by running away, procured a pistol and shot him dead.
�Why did you do that, madam?� inquired a Policeman, sauntering by.
�Because,� replied the Married Woman, �he was a wicked man, and had purchased a ticket to Chicago.�
�My sister,� said an adjacent Man of God, solemnly, �you cannot stop the wicked from going to Chicago by killing them.�


The Opossum of the Future
One day an Opossum who had gone to sleep hanging from the highest branch of a tree by the tail, awoke and saw a large Snake wound about the limb, between him and the trunk of the tree.
�If I hold on,� he said to himself, �I shall be swallowed; if I let go I shall break my neck.�
But suddenly he bethought himself to dissemble.
�My perfected friend,� he said, �my parental instinct recognizes in you a noble evidence and illustration of the theory of development. You are the Opossum of the Future, the ultimate Fittest Survivor of our species, the ripe result of progressive prehensility�all tail!�
But the Snake, proud of his ancient eminence in Scriptural history, was strictly orthodox and did not accept the scientific view.


The Sagacious Rat
A Rat that was about to emerge from his hole caught a glimpse of a Cat waiting for him, and descending to the colony at the bottom of the hole invited a friend to join him in a visit to a neighboring corn-bin. �I would have gone alone,� he said, �but could not deny myself the pleasure of such distinguished company.�
�Very well,� said the Friend, �I will go with you. Lead on.�
�Lead?� exclaimed the other. �What! I recede so great and illustrious a rat as you? No, indeed�after you, sir, after you.�
Pleased with this great show of deference, the Friend went ahead, and, leaving the hole first, was caught by the Cat, who trotted away with him. The other tehn went out unmolested.


The Bumbo of Jiam
The Pahdour of Patagascar and the Gookul of Madagonia were disputing an island that both claimed. Finally, at the suggestion of the International League of Cannon Founders, which had important brances in both countries, they decided to refer their claims to the Bumbo of Jiam, and abide by his judgement. In settling the preliminaries of the arbitration they had, however, the misfortune to disagree, and appealed to arms. At the end of a long and disastrous war, when both sides were exhausted and bankrupt, the Bumbo of Jiam intervened in the interest of peace.
�My great and good friends,� he said to his brother sovereigns, �it will be advantageous to you to learn that some questions are more complex and perilous than others, presenting a greater number of points upon which it is possible to differ. For four generations your royal predecessors disputed about possession of that island without falling out. Beware, oh, beware the perils of international arbitration!�against which I feel it my duty to protect you henceforth.�
So saying, he annexed both countries, and after a long, peaceful and happy reign was poisoned by his Prime Minister.


The Shadow of the Leader
A Political Leader was walking out one sunny day, when he observed his Shadow leaving him and walking rapidly away.
�Come back here, you scoundrel,� he cried.
�If I had been a scoundrel,� answered the Shadow, increasing its speed, �I should not have left you.�


A Causeway
A Rich Woman having returned from abroad disembarked at the foot of Kneedeep Street, and was about to walk to her hotel through the mud.
�Madam,� said a Policeman, �I cannot permit you to do that; you would soil your shoes and stockings.�
�Oh, that is of no importance, really,� replied the Rich Woman, with a cheerful smile.
�But, madam, it is needless; from the wharf to the hotel, as you observe, extends an unbroken line of prostrate newspaper men who crave the honor of having you walk upon them.�
�In that case,� she said, seating herself in a doorway and unlocking her satchel, �I shall have to put on my rubber boots.�


The Overlooked Factor
A Man that owned a fine Dog, and by a careful selection of its mate had bred a number of animals but a little lower than the angels, fell in love with his washerwoman, married her and reared a family of dolts.
�Alas!� he exclaimed, contemplating the melancholy result, �had I but chosen a mate for myself with half the care that I did for my Dog I should now be a proud and happy father.�
�I�m not so sure of that,� said the Dog, overhearing the lament. �There�s a difference, certainly, between your whelps and mine, but I flatter myself that it is not due altogether to the mothers. You and I are not entirely alike ourselves.�

Sportsman and Squirrel
A Sportsman who had wounded a Squirrel, which was making desperate efforts to drag itself away, ran after it with a stick, exclaiming: �Poor thing! I will put it out of its misery.�
At that moment the Squirrel stopped from exhaustion, and looking up at its enemy, said:
�I don�t venture to doubt the sincerity of your compassion, though it comes rather late, but you seem to lack the faculty of observation. Do you not perceive by my actions that the dearest wish of my heart is to continue in my misery?�
At this exposure of his hypocrisy the Sportsman was so overcome with shame and remorse that he would not strike the Squirrel, but pointing it out to his dog, walked thoughtfully away.

[The Bobster]

Who's the author? Feels like the same Twain as in your sigline, but I don't recall having come across this stuff before.

[Ya-ta Boy]

Ambrose Bierce, another hero of mine.

[The Bobster]

Ha! He was my second choice, actually ... thanks.