Korean Job Discussion Forums

[ghostwriter]

kk,

you seem like you turned out quite a decent person. ask your Mom what she did and do exactly the same thing whether your wife agrees or not.

believe me, it's the best thing. been there, done that. my kid's a genius now.

good luck

[intergalactic]

Reluctant to get into this discussion, but here goes...
firstly Dr Spock:- bah!
secondly, I don't believe babies can be manipulative, they are BABIES, they don't work like that. The baby's desires ARE the SAME as its needs.
My source is Dr Sears' Attachment Parenting. I'm not talking about children here, I mean little babies.
I think a previous poster was right, people from the same culture have the same disagreements about child rearing as you do with your Korean partner. There are plenty of Westerners who discredit Dr Spock, and plenty who think Sears' 'attachment parenting' (which would agree with spending as long as it takes being with your baby until s/he falls asleep) method is bunk.
Good luck with everything, but I agree with your wife, sorry!

[desultude]

posco's trumpet said:

[posco's trumpet]

[Harpeau]

KK I'm wondering where does the issue of not "being alone" come into the picture? Most Koreans I know- especially female are terrified of being alone at bedtime (in the house, that is). Might it be that your wife feels that the baby *should not be left alone while it's falling asleep*?

I, personally think that a baby is fine to cry some alone while it is falling asleep. I would think many Koreans would not leave a baby alone at bedtime or if the baby cries then they must come right away and make it stop crying- or somehow they're a bad parent. Any thoughts on this? Just wondering.

Cheers,
Harpeau

[Ryst Helmut]

[Drakoi]

[Drakoi]

[kimcheeking]

Thanks for all the advice and comments. I will wait a little longer and see if more come in then print this and show to my wife.

KK

[Scott in HK]

You can have the hour of stimulating physical contact with any nighttime routine. But I believe in the end the child needs to go to sleep on their own. If your child gets used to your wife playing with her UNTIL she falls asleep, then you are going to have a devil of a time putting her to sleep if your wife is not around.

Some experts believe that children should learn to sleep on their own without any external help....soothers, bottles rocking and so on....(and yes...i did read ferber...but we were doing this before we read the book)

and I have lived through both ways...this summer while my wife was in korea waiting for the birth of our second...our well trained sleeping god of a 2 year old was put under the care of her grandmother who let her drift off to sleep whenever she wanted and just stayed with her until she was asleep...this meant that sometimes our 2 year old was wandering around the hous at 11 or 12 because she just didn't want to sleep...it drove me crazy when I got there...

it took two months to get our daughter to sleep in her room again...she was so used to falling asleep with someone next to her...she would get up 4-5 times at night and cry...

it is easy to go the non-routine way and let them sleep when they want with you next to them...so i would do that second...it is harder to train them to sleep on their own..so i would try it first...if you don't like it you can easily revert to the non-routine...

on the parent side...if they go to sleep on their own...it leaves more time for you and your wife to spend together...you know KK...to make sure that you don't develop and 'giant' problems in your marriage....

[little mixed girl]

.....

[matthewwoodford]

Not being a parent I freely admit to not knowing what I'm talking about. However, my gf told me Korean mothers habitually sleep with their babies, unlike western parents who, as we all know, leave babies in a cot usually in another room and are frequently awakened by the baby crying. I remember reading somewhere that being touched as a baby is very important and conducive to emotional well-being in adult life, so it seem to me it may be better for parents and babies to share the same bed. I'm talking about *babies* here, not toddlers.

Can any parents shed light on this? I.e. which is better, more practical, and why?

Matt

[anae]

The jury is largely still out on the matter. Their are pros and cons to both.

http://www.mediresource.sympatico.ca/health_news_detail.asp?channel_id=9&menu_item_id=&news_id=2418

http://www.cbc.ca/stories/2002/08/14/bed_share020814

My own choice would be to have the baby close by but not in bed for feedings in its first year, but to move to his or her own room after that. I need my sleep and I don't think kids have a place in our marital bed.

[Ryst Helmut]

[Drakoi]