Korean Job Discussion Forums

Atavistic · Last edited by Atavistic on Tue Oct 02, 2007 4:01 pm; edited 1 time in total

I've been reading a lot of blogs of foreign women married to or engaged to Korean men. Since Chuseok just passed, most of them talk about learning how to cook the foods, etc so that they can "carry on the tradition." Meanwhile, I know other foreign women married to Korean men who absolutely don't do any of that. usually because their husbands don't want them to. ("I married an American, not a Korean.")

So I'm curious... For the people in international/cultural/racial [whichever word fits in your brain since some people are more interested in splitting hairs than answering the questions] marriages, what sorts of customs do you do or not do (Korean [or whatever, but frankly I am more interested in KOREAN spouses] and your home country [is this PC enough for everyone?])? Does where you live factor in? Does having children or not factor in? Are you doing it to make your partner happy or their parents happy or because you really like the custom?

I'm mostly interested in hearing from women married to Korean men since "women's work" and "men's work" are so often clearly divided here, but I'd like to hear from both sides.

bassexpander · Joined: 13 Sep 2007 Location: Someplace you'd rather be.

My lady clears a fair amount more per month than me, and works more hours to do it. She also has to travel further than me to get there (by a longshot).

I let the traditional "getting up at 5am to make the husband a Korean packed lunch" thing slide. I also give her rides to the subway when I can. I help clean around the house, too.

My co-worker just married last month (they're both Korean). She wakes at 5am to do that stuff, and works all day, as long as him. I really feel sorry for her. Her mother-in-law is a manipulative, whiny bee-atch who will cry openly if they forget to call her DAILY. She expects her new daughter-in-law to slave like a traditional ajumma (and work). It's insane. Luckily, her husband is a good person. It's the mother-in-law that puts stress on the marriage.

I teased my lady, asking her why she didn't get up at 5am to fix me breakfast, and it really upset her. Sometimes I tease in the wrong ways. Oopss...

KumaraKitty · Joined: 09 Jan 2006 Location: Bucheon

My in-laws live in Texas, so Ihave no real problems. I only have his Komo and his Imo here to deal with. They tell me I need to cook him Korean food, but we eat out because I work more and make more money than he does. So when they hear that, they shut up.
I also drive, he doesn't.
He cleans house, I help. So we're quite different than the norm.
And I love his Mom, she always calls him and tells him to take care of ME, not the opposite! She buys me stuff all the time too, which is really great. Every time a family member goes to Texas or comes to visit here, she sends us money, which is backwards. Most MIL's expect to be taken care of once the son marries, so I'm really lucky!

GoldMember · Joined: 24 Oct 2006

Why is it called "International Marriage". Someone in a Western country marries someone who resides in another country, is it called an "International Marriage"? No, it's just another marriage.
Why is it that whenever someothing is done in Korea that doesn't involve Koreans 100%, that is there is some other influence, there has to be a label attached to it?
Go home, ask someone about an "International Marriage", and they'll wonder what are you talking about. It's labelling that smacks of us and them.
It's just another marriage! Nothing different!
Harisu marries a guy, and there's no big deal. Why? It's another Korean!

in_seoul_2003 · Joined: 24 Nov 2003

Harpeau · Joined: 01 Feb 2003 Location: Coquitlam, BC

You are correct in pointing out that it's not an international marriage. I myself would call it an Intercultural marriage. It's important for couple's counseling to be aware of cross-cultural relationships.

Atavistic · Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 3:57 pm Post subject:

Atavistic · Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 3:58 pm Post subject:

And did you all understand what I meant?

Then what's the problem?

I'll edit the post for those of you who can't answer it without it fitting into your mental framework.

Atavistic · Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 4:07 pm Post subject:

Atavistic · Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 4:08 pm Post subject:

Thanks bassexpander and KumaraKitty for answering my questions.

And I'd like to hear from more, too.

tzechuk · Joined: 20 Dec 2004

Well.......

I am British Chinese and my husband is Korean... and here's what goes on in our household.

Around the home - my husband has his company on the second floor of our villa flat/apartment, so in essence he is home quite a lot. I work as a business professor at a university and I have a lot of departmental responsibilities. I leave for work at 9am and come home, usually, at around 5. Once a week I come home at 7. I have Friday free to work from home. So my husband helps out a lot. We have a 3 (turning 3 next month) year old toddler. He is the one who takes her to her daycare and fetches her home. He likes to work in the evenings (and since it's his company, he is free to do that) and so he spends the morning with our daughter and they go to her daycare at around 11.30 and she comes home just after 5... which is the time I am home, usually.

We have a housekeeper that comes once a week to do a big clean, so we just spot clean during the week. My husband does that A LOT, which is a great help.

I cook, do the laundry and stuff around the house but I am OK with that - cos he does quite a bit to help too.

Food - I cook a variety of food. During the week, I throw something quick together. Could be Chinese or Korean. Always a soup, though, with other dishes, because both the husband and daughter like it. Friday is our fry-day, so I try to cook up some fish and chips, or something similar. Saturday we eat out or order food in and Sunday I cook a sunday roast, which my husband likes.

Other things - I normally get breakfast but I don't get up at 5!!! I get up when my daughter gets up, which is about 7 ish and then we have breakfast together. My husband is really easy about it - he's lived in France and Germany for around 10 years combined and he is OK with a continental breakfast... croissant, English breakfast tea, toasts.. other pastries. Sometimes I fry some mandoo.. or we have an English breakfast like sausages and eggs. If I am in a rush, he will even get breakfast for himself (he sometimes sleeps until 9/10!!!).

mmmm.. what else.. oh, my husband is more of a father than I am a mother, especially when we go out - he is the one who takes Letty to the bathrooms when the needs arise, he is the one who looks after her at restaurants, so I can eat in peace (he is so good about that).. and he is also the one who bathes her in the evening! So I really do very little.. hehe.. I think this is great because it's a bonding experience for them. She is equally close to her dad and me. I sound like I am a bad mum.. but my saving grace is that our child was completely breastfed for 27 months (she also had solid food since she was 6 months, not like she was exclusively breastfed without other food). She didn't have one ounce of formula at all. My not working for the first 18 months of her life made this so much easier to do... by the time I decided to go back to work, she needed / wanted only to be fed in the morning and night, so it worked out perfectly.

This is all.. can't think of anything else... Laughing

Harpeau · Joined: 01 Feb 2003 Location: Coquitlam, BC

endofthewor1d · Joined: 01 Apr 2003 Location: the end of the wor1d.

tzechuk · Joined: 20 Dec 2004

Atavistic · Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 12:01 am Post subject: