Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Ilsanman]

The next season of Survivor is set in Korea, on Dokdo Island. And who better to be the contestants than the posters of ESL Cafe?

On Day 1, the 16 castaways are split into 2 tribes, and each one is to live on one of the 2 Dokdo Islets.

The first tribe, the 4 seasons tribe, will wear red. The tribe consists of MilwaukieDave, Jaganath, Jinju, Princess, Bobster, Ilsanman, Superhero, and Yu Bum Suck.

The other tribe, the 5000 years tribe, will wear black. The tribe consists of Homer, Steve McGarrett, Ajdeddes, Adventurer, Tiger Beer, Komerican, Race Traitor, and Real Reality.

On day 1, the the tribes are given their supplies. Unlike other survivors, the tribes are provided with more food and supplies than regular. Each tribe is given an unlimited supply of Korean grown rice, kimchi, twigs, leaves, and corn tea. More than be requested any time. Also, each team is provided with a machete, a pot to cook in, and another pot to shit in.

On Day 1 and 2, the tribes were left on their own to intigrate. Neither tribe meshed well, as many people flamed each other.

On the 4 seasons tribe, no one seemed to like Jinju. He wandered around on his own and bragged about being able to beat many K-1 fighters, despite no one believing him. Ilsanman was just bitter about everything, and kept complaining that 'there's nothing but rock here'. Jaganath was twitching from tobacco withdrawal. Everyone was shocked to learn that Princess was really a dude. Milwaukiedave was already hoping for a merge, so he 'could get McGarrett'.

On the 5000 years tribe, it was even worse. Steve McGarrett pissed everyone off by claiming, out of the blue, that Dokdo was, in fact, Chinese territory. Komerican ranted about the superiority of Korean products, and basked in the glory that is overpriced Korean rice and kimchi, the curer of every disease known to man. Real Reality would never say anything, except quoting URLs. Without a computer at hand, no one understood a word he said. Other tribe members just kept to themselves.

On day 2, both tribes were sent rock mail. Previously known as tree mail, there were simply no trees on Dokdo to put any mail in. They were ordered to go for the first immunity challenge.

When both tribes arrived at the site, host Jeff Probst revealed that it was an eating contest. The first person from each tribe that could eat the food item and show him an open mouth would get the point. First team to 5 points would get immunity.

First up, it was Ilsanman vs Homer. The food item was a bowl of 도가니탕.
Ilsan tried to swallow the disgusting slimy goop, but his esophagus would have none of it. 1 point for 5000 years.

Next up was MilwaukieDave vs SteveMcGarrett. A good rivalry. The food item was a whole can of bondegi. Dave nearly inhaled the can while Steve raved on about how much smarter he was, and how Chinese bugs were more delicious. We're tied at 1.

3rd round was Jaganath vs Ajdeddes. The food item was 2 lbs of Samgyeopsal. An easy win for the Australian. Ajdeddes took too much time comparing it to Canadian Bacon.

Next round had Jinju taking on Adventurer. The food item was a Pat-bing-su, with extra red beans. Adventurer wolfed it down, ignoring terminal brain freeze. The score was tied at 2.

5th round had Yu Bum Suck taking on Tiger Beer. The food item was revealed to be a live octopus. After both men doing a lot of ho-ing and humming, Yu Bum Suck lived up to his name and got it down the hatch. 4 seaons team leading 3-2.

As the 6th round started, Komerican started bragging about how superior Korean food was and how there are no gays in Korea. In fact, he kept on talking while Jeff announced the next item to be a big plate of 떡볶이 and Odeng. The 4 seasons team did some 'uh-huh, uh-huh's to keep the big mouth going while Princess wolfed it down. 4 seasons leading 4-2.

In a do or die situation, Bobster managed to get down 500 grams of 곱창 and pig skin mix only seconds before Race Traitor could. Winner...4 seasons tribe!!!!

The 4 seasons tribe celebreated while the 5000 years tribe pointed blame at each other.

Back at camp, with tribal council looming, Homer and Tiger Beer struck an alliance in secret, to go to the final 2 together. They just needed one more...

The question of who would go home was hanging in the balance...


At Tribal Council, as Jeff asked questions, many members of the tribe pointed fingers of blame at each other. No one would take responsibility for failing. Homer, the only one willing to, had got a point for his team. Jeff then asked if the team has a leader. Komerican quickly answered 'as a member of the most intelligent race on the planet, that would have to be me.'

The ballots were marked read. The votes stood:

Homer, Race Traitor, Tiger Beer, SteveMcGarrett, and Ajdeddes voted for Komerican.

Komerican voted for SteveMcGarrett.

Real reality voted for Ajdeddes.

Adventurer voted for Real reality.

Komerican is asked to leave tribal council area. 15 are left. Who will be voted out next?

Stay tuned to next week's episode....

[ajgeddes]

Haha, thanks for the laugh. Hope I don't get voted out next week. I want the million dollars. Damn that real reality. Did he just write down the URL to a site that said my name?

[Ilsanman]

He wrote down www.ajgeddes.com

[SeoulShakin]

You made a big mistake not including me on a survivor team. Big mistake. I would have taken it to the end. I know all the tricks. I'd do way better than Princess.

[Missihippi]

Holy Shit! I hope i'm not that bored when i get to Korea.

[Ilsanman]

You will be. If you don't drink.

[Ilsanman]

Sorry dude. I couldn't choose everyone.

[SeoulShakin]

[crusher_of_heads]

[Ilsanman]

Then that's why you're not in it. It's a sausage fest.

[RACETRAITOR]

I'll be busy praying to the patron saint of elimination games, Kenny Hotz.

[SuperHero]

disappointed I didn't make one of the teams.

[Ilsanman]

On the morning of Day 4, several members of both tribes were greeted with bird droppings on their heads.

On the 4 seasons tribe, Superhero was first to rise, and got a pot of rice cooking. The rest of the tribe rose reluctantly from their stone beds, and had a delicious meal of rice and kimchi.

Back at the 5000 years tribe, things were anything but pleasant. Adventurer and Homer aside, the remaining 5 members of the tribe squabbled about losing the first immunity challenge. The issue of who should be leader came up, and it was decided, after much debating, that SteveMcGarrett should be their leader. McGarrett promised victory for his team at the next challenge.

After eating breakfast, both tribes discovered they had rock mail. At around noon, both tribes formed up at the same place as the last challenge. The 4 seasons tribe exchanged high-fives after seeing Komerican had been eliminated.

As Jeff explained the challenge, both tribes discussed how dynamic Dokdo really is. Jeff explained that it is a relay race. The first 4 members of the tribe will race out and grab 3 blocks with a certain 한글 character sketched on it. The remaining 3 members have to assemble the blocks and make a Korean sentence. One member of the 4 seaons tribe has to sit out. Bobster chooses to sit this one out.

4 seasons tribe, the runners are Jinju, Superhero, Princess, and Yu Bum Suck. For 5000 years tribe, the runners are Race Traitor, Adventurer, Tiger Beer, and Ajgeddes.

The race starts. The 2 teams are neck and neck. After assembling the blocks, the 4 seasons tribe is slightly ahead. The blocks didn't have a web address on them, so Real Reality couldn't compute. For a second, the 5000 years tribe almost regretted voting out Komerican,to solve this one for them. Almost. After 30 seconds or so, 4 seasons tribe wins!!!! The message was '대한민국 만세'. The prize....a big pot of 보신탕 for stamina in upcoming challenges.

Walking back to camp, dejected and demoralized, all grumbling under their breath, it came to a head at camp. Real Reality shouted 'www.gotohell.com', and McGarrett took it personally. He told the whole tribe that they couldn't hack it in China for a second. Tiger Beer countered with 'who the hell cares about China?' After several minutes of shouting, they envied the other tribe for having so much stamina, and their 'well-bing food'.

Morale was high back at 4 seasons tribe camp. Secretly, Ilsanman and Jaganath forged an alliance, and considered adding a 3rd. Superhero seemed to be a likely candidate. They planned to approach him at earliest opportunity.

The next day, before the others rose, Ilsanman approached Superhero and offered him a place in the alliance. He agreed, but after Ilsan walked away, he said to the camera 'Dumbass for believing me. I will ride their coattails to the final 4'.

On Day 5, the tribes formed up for the immunity challenge. Once again, 1 member of 4 seasons had to sit out. It was MilwaukieDave.

Jeff announced it was a trivia challenge. For each question, one member of each tribe has to come forward and take the question. There will be no help from teammates, and the answers will be written down on a board. They will be revealed simultaneously. First team to 6 wins.

Question 1 (Ilsanman and Homer) How many years of history does Korea have?
Ilsan: 2300 Homer: 5000 1 point for 5000 years

Question 2 (Jaganath and Steve McGarrett) Who is the greatest admiral in history?
Jaganath: Admiral Nelson Steve: Some Chinese guy. no points awarded

Question 3 (Jinju and Ajgeddes) What do Koreans have that no one else in the world has?
Jinju: Lack of respect for human beings Ajgeddes: Jung 2 points for 5000 years

Question 4 (Yu bum suck and Adventurer) Who are the kindest people in the world?
Yu bum suck (finally figuring out a pattern): Koreans Adventurer: Koreans 3-1

Question 5 (Princess and Tiger Beer) What is the hub of Asia?
Princess: Shanghai Tiger: Seoul The score is now 4-1

Question 6 (Bobster and Race Traitor) What race is Hines Ward?
Bobster: Korean Race: American. Now it's 4-2

Question 7 (Kodakji and Real Reality) How many countries have 4 seasons?
Superhero: Only Korea Real Reality: www.many.com The lead is now down to 4-3

Question 8 (Back to the top again) What the most evil country in the world?
Ilsan: Korea Homer: Japan Now it's 5-3

Question 9 (Mil, Steve) Who is the greatest K-1 fighter of all time?
MilwaukieSteve: Anyone but that dancing fool SteveMcGarrett: Choi Hong Man

6-3. 5000 years wins!!!!! They all celebrate. 4 seasons tribe looks dejected as they go back to camp.

Back at 4 seasons camp, they are scrambling to decide who to vote off. The alliance of Superhero, Ilsanman, and Jaganath are split between voting off Jinju or Princess. The rest of the members are all sitting quietly.

At tribal council, after some civil discussion, Bobster accuses Princess of pretending to be a woman on an online forum. Yu Bum Suck tells everyone about the alliance between Ilsan and Jaga, but gets it wrong and claims that MilwaukieDave is part of it. Superhero smirks in secret.

Voting: Ilsanman, Jaganath, Superhero, MilwaukieDave, Jinju: Princess

Bobster, Yu bum suck: Ilsanman

Princess: Bobster


Princess has been eliminated, 5-3. Who will be voted out next? Tune in next week (whenever I get around to writing it).

[chris_J2]

A well written, & amusing post from Ilsanman (thud... falls off chair).

[Hanson]

That was pretty good, I-man. Props.