Korean Job Discussion Forums

JMO · Joined: 18 Jul 2006 Location: Daegu

Recently I've been thinking more and more about this and have decided on a course of action, but I am unsure how to carry it out.

My friends smoke alot and it has always worried me a little. I gave up smoking after 7 years for health reasons and the whole second smoke thing was getting me worried again. A couple of weeks ago I got a call from home saying my uncle had died. I knew he was diagnosed with cancer(lung spread to bone) but i didn't expect him to die so soon even though my mom(a cancer nurse) told me the outlook was not good. I felt a clean, cold shock..like I havn't felt in a long time. He died in seven weeks and the first thing that flashed through my (selfish)head was being in a doctor's waiting room and hearing "you have 7 weeks"..

I don't want that..and I decided then I have to do something about my proximity to smokers. Basically I want to cut down the time I spend in smoky enviroments to the minimum.

So how do I explain this to my friends without making it sound like an ultimatum? I play alot of xbox with my mate at his house as well as drinking at buddys houses..is it reasonable to ask them not to smoke around me?

I'm terrified of cancer and would love to convince my friends to try to stop smoking, and if that is not possible to stop doing it around me..

So any suggestions would be cool, but otherwise it is just nice to get this off my chest. Anyone with similar stories please chime in, I'd love to hear about your experience..

twg · Joined: 02 Nov 2006 Location: Getting some fresh air...

"Hey, I'm in a really bad place right now. Could you be cool and do me the favor of not smoking around me?"

PGF · Joined: 27 Nov 2006

sorry about your uncle.

Ya-ta Boy · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Location: Established in 1994

Yes, sorry about your uncle.

I think if you have friends over to your home, you are well within your rights to ask them not to smoke. However, I don't believe you can do that in THEIR home. I would be highly offended if a friend came to my home and started handing out rules for what I can and cannot do in my own home. Honestly, I would show him the door. Immediately.

JMO · Joined: 18 Jul 2006 Location: Daegu

Ya-ta Boy · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Location: Established in 1994

lastat06513 · Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 5:29 pm Post subject:

My mother is a smoker and she seems to smoke more now then when she was in her 20's.....
She claims to have stopped smoking for 2 years from 2003 until 2005, but a neighbor (who died last year from a smoking-related illness) made her start up again (but other members of the family fault one of my younger brothers for getting her back in the habit again..)
She is relatively young (in her early 50's) yet she has tons of health problems to include cartilage deterioration to the point that she needs a walker to get around because she has no balance due to the loss of cartilage around the hip bone......this is very sad.....

Here's the kicker~ everyone has tried to tell her, convince her, persuade her and coerse her to stop smoking, even to the point that I made a bet with her that she could stop smoking in 18 months (by June 2009) and if she did stop by then, I would pay for a new refridgerator, oven and carpeting for my family's home, but the catch was that she had to starting trying to cut down BY TODAY.

But she feared that she would suffer withdrawl headaches and other symptoms if she was to start gradually from now.

And to top it off, she now has to have go to day-clinic next week to have surgery to take care of a blocked artery that is causing her to have shortness of breath........

My point is- you can say anything you want anyway you want, but if the person is not ready to listen to reason, all your words will fall on deaf ears- thats the sad reality of life......and what might hurt you and everyone the most is that, when the person DOES decide to quit, it will be after a major health problem such as a heart attack or such that will land them in a hospital..........that sad part of "our" rationale is that people learn more from their own experiences than listening to people who care for them...........sometimes with tragic consequances......................

Justin Hale · Joined: 24 Nov 2007 Location: the Straight Talk Express

JMO · Joined: 18 Jul 2006 Location: Daegu

Rock · Joined: 25 Feb 2005

This is a problem for me too, but now I smoke.

I've quit dozens of times, continually battling smoky enviroments, and practically pissing people off telling them not to smoke. It's a social problem. You can't do much about it.

But stay healthy, by all means. If you fear second hand smoke, keep clear of all related social situations.

I did it. If someone's breaking a rule, then you should speak up. Find social environments where they're smoke free. Laugh in the face of idiots like me.

But remember, it's an addiction. Basically you shouldn't be around drinkers though, and the Koreans even have a saying: "The two are brothers."

MarionG · Joined: 14 Sep 2006

I think you have an irrational fear of cancer too, but believing that it may be irrational doesn't make it any less bothersome for you.

I've known 5 people in my life who died of lung cancer. Two were smokers. The first person I ever knew who died of lung cancer was the 16 year old daughter of our family doctor. Neither of her parents smoked. My father died of lung cancer...he smoked moderately. The husband of one of my friends died of lung cancer...even in high school, he never even took a puff. He would not be around smokers. He was a "health nut" for most of his life.

In case anyone decided that they want to jump on me because they think I'm saying that smoking doesn't cause lung cancer, OF COURSE IT DOES. And no, I don't smoke so this isn't a defensive post either, for those of you who enjoy trotting out the defensive card.

The link betwen smoking and lung cancer is strong and pretty unarguable. The link between second hand smoke is moderate and arguable. Yes, there probably is a link. No, it probably doesn't cause the myriad of ills (I've read everything from "all cancers" to "auto-immune disorders" to just about everything else imaginable as being the result of second hand smoke) supposedly attributed to it.

Having said that, if YOU are uncomfortable around smokers, and there is probably reason to be, then ease yourself out. Don't lecture (they won't stop until they are ready, and some may never be ready) and it's not even necessary to state your reasons. Withdraw SLOWLY, as you make non-smoking friends.

It will be hard on you to cut off your ties to your friends abruptly. It will be hard on you not to cut those ties. So just do it slowly. Seek out new friendships with non-smokers. Figure out when your friends do the least smoking (movies for example, or in your house) and see them in those settings.

Good luck.

kimcheechochy · Joined: 22 Nov 2007

Just be honest. Tell him you don't like him smoking. Maybe ask him to come to your house instead. I'm pretty sure he(she) will understand. Tell him about your uncle. If still doesn't understand, he's a *beep* and you should ditch him anyways.

As far as being petrified of cancer, well, I'm not sure if drinking at your buddies house will help you in your fight against getting cancer.

Remember, smoking is only one of the many causes of cancer.

If you truly wanna be healthy, quit the drinking too, bud. Being deathly afraid of second hand smoke while you are pounding back bottles of soju seems kind of silly to me.