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Why I will probably never date another American
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Rumple

Joined: 19 Sep 2007

Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 12:54 am Post subject:

agoodmouse wrote:

Hasty conclusion about Westerner and American women. You're essentially obliterating the chance to meet billions of women. Human nature underlying dating cultures is the same: you'll receive good and bad experiences concerning expectations and assumptions on the first date whether you date Western women or non-Western women. Again, billions of women. What a world you've made for yourself in the corner.

What are you talking about? I've got a girlfriend and I'm pretty happy. And considering there are over a billion NON-Western women, I'm pretty comfortable with my choices.

Rumple

Joined: 19 Sep 2007

Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 12:57 am Post subject:

Yu_Bum_suk wrote:

Maybe you've just been dating the wrong kind of American. Are you aware of all the millions and millions of young Christian women (and ones into their 30s who are getting desperate), who also want to spend some time to get to know you, and what you think of her personal Saviour, before making much contact?

Yeah, that doesn't much work for me. Heavily Christian women wouldn't find my value set palatable, I think, since I belong to a religion that isn't Christian.

xingyiman

Joined: 12 Jan 2006

Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 1:01 am Post subject: Re: Why I will probably never date another American

Rumple wrote:

Young FRANKenstein wrote:

Rumple wrote:

I've had girls say "Hey, can I get a hug?" with a "What's wrong with you?" tone after 3 dates. Damn! Why does everyone have to move so fast?

Giving someone a hug is not moving too fast. Here's a hint: I hug people I am not even dating *gasp*!

I didn't say it was too fast.

You're an English teacher, right? "Too" implies excess. Hugging, or even kissing on the first date isn't necessarily excessive, to you, or to me in the past. But now I'm finding that I'd like to be able to move at my own speed and not be thinking "It isn't socially acceptable to not hug/kiss her because we're on the 4th date."

And for all you American dumbasses who are so quick to belittle me for my preferences, a full third of you will have at least one divorce in your lifetime, so enjoy your dating culture, and stay smug!

Rumple, calm down dude! These people that are getting you riled are probably the same ones who are claiming to have been shagging a new K gal every night. Take it with a grain of salt my fellow expat. Topics about women are a lose-lose situation on this board. If you start a thread about Korean women you've got some people calling you an aisiaphile, others calling you a worthless loser who can't score with the locals depending on the disposition of your post. If you start one about white women you'll get the gals all riled and the everyone accusing you of being a loser who can't get chicks back home.

I share your feelings on the American dating scene. To me it just plain sucks, but in reality it doesn't suck for everybody. Some people it works for it just never really worked for me. I met my wife within a month of coming to Asia while other people were bouncing from one bad Korean relationship to another for over a year.

Rumple

Joined: 19 Sep 2007

Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 1:01 am Post subject:

Benicio wrote:

Well, if the OP is not a troll, he IS an idiot.!

Yep. Big idiot. Its amazing that I'm here in Korea and doing the same work as you all. 60 Minutes should do a story about me.

Benicio wrote:

You title the thread about AMERICAN women, then you talk about your perceived traits of WESTERN women. What's wrong with you?
Have you been in Korea too long where you also think that all westerners are American?

No, it was a slip of the finger (tongue?).

Benicio wrote:

I really think you are a troll because your thread is totally pointless!

You're wrong. But thanks for playing. Laughing

Last edited by Rumple on Mon Mar 03, 2008 1:19 am; edited 1 time in total

Rumple

Joined: 19 Sep 2007

Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 1:18 am Post subject: Re: Why I will probably never date another American

xingyiman wrote:

Rumple, calm down dude! These people that are getting you riled are probably the same ones who are claiming to have been shagging a new K gal every night.

I'm not riled. Its all good. Wink

I am caustic from time to time, however, but it's a calm caustic.

xingyiman wrote:

I share your feelings on the American dating scene. To me it just plain sucks, but in reality it doesn't suck for everybody. Some people it works for it just never really worked for me.

Right, I feel the same. Which is why the thread is "Why I will probably never date another American," and not "Why you should not date Americans."

And I think for a lot of Americans, the dating culture doesn't work for them either, and they just don't know it, because they've never tried another way (and dating a K-girl with your American value-set and assumptions is not "another way"). And that's not their fault. One has to get an opportunity, and one has to be in the right frame of mind when one gets that opportunity.

Rumple

Joined: 19 Sep 2007

Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 1:24 am Post subject:

spliff wrote:

Sounds like a personal problem... Rolling Eyes

What gave it away? Use of the word *I* ? Rolling Eyes

Rumple

Joined: 19 Sep 2007

Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 1:29 am Post subject:

butlerian wrote:

spliff wrote:

Sounds like a personal problem... Rolling Eyes

Perhaps, or perhaps he's just different. Either way, I think we should be a bit more supportive to the guy in offering advice rather than resorting to calling him a "troll" etc. He was very foolish to generalise in referring to all Americans, but let's try to see behind that and discover the root of the issue/problem.

The reason why I don't see what you're seeing is because I've been on at least one date with probably 40 or 50 women in my lifetime, so I'm pretty comfortable generalizing to American women, since all 50 of those women shared some cultural traits (in my opinion). Those women were attracted to me (or not) and me to them (or not) for some reason, and that reason is replicable (i.e. if you notice a common pattern in the kind of women you date, who you click with and who you don't, it isn't random; there's a reason, whether you know it or not). So for me, it just doesn't work.

But as to the root of the issue, I'm dating a great girl, who is Asian, and I'm looking back on our dating experiences (to date), and I'm incredibly more satisfied with how things have gone than I have been with any of my American girlfriends/dating partners. I've been the one to leave almost every relationship I've ever been in. I'm looking at the long-term relationships and the short-term ones, and BOTH were better when dating outside my culture. I feel like there's a whole layer of assumptions and game playing that I just didn't have to deal with. No mixed signals. If I had a question, I asked it. I said what I thought and felt and never had to worry that I shouldn't.

Last edited by Rumple on Mon Mar 03, 2008 1:34 am; edited 1 time in total

xingyiman

Joined: 12 Jan 2006

Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 1:29 am Post subject: Re: Why I will probably never date another American

Rumple wrote:

xingyiman wrote:

Rumple, calm down dude! These people that are getting you riled are probably the same ones who are claiming to have been shagging a new K gal every night.

I'm not riled. Its all good. Wink

I am caustic from time to time, however, but it's a calm caustic.

xingyiman wrote:

I share your feelings on the American dating scene. To me it just plain sucks, but in reality it doesn't suck for everybody. Some people it works for it just never really worked for me.

Right, I feel the same. Which is why the thread is "Why I will probably never date another American," and not "Why you should not date Americans."

Well, I am not slamming you or anything but I could list my reasons why I wouldn't want to date another American. What would be the point? All that it would accomplish is getting a bunch of insecure expats calling me all kinds of names to make themselves feel better. I was bitter for a long while about the dating scene and employment situation back home. After a while you just gotta let it go man. It doesn't serve to crusade for your cause cause no one really cares. Dating didn't work for me in America for any one of a number of reasons but it's not becasue I am a loser or unattractive, etc. If I were a real loser my wife would never have given me the time of day. Some things were not meant to be and as one of my friends in America told me -"You're trying to develop relationships you don't want and get job in a company that you don't really want to work for in a place you don't want to live. Now ask me again why things aren't working out for you." In the end it was true. I really didn't want to date the 30ish women that were my peers and I didn't want to work in a monotanous job in a place other than Hawaii or Montana. It just wasn't going to work and until I disconnected myself my life was a drudgery.

Rumple

Joined: 19 Sep 2007

Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 1:44 am Post subject: Re: Why I will probably never date another American

xingyiman wrote:

Heheheh. D'ya think that would really happen? Here, on Dave's ESL Cafe? Nahhh!

xingyiman wrote:

I was bitter for a long while about the dating scene and employment situation back home. After a while you just gotta let it go man. It doesn't serve to crusade for your cause cause no one really cares.

Eh, I'm not crusading. I'm a writer, among other things, and this is part of what I do. And there have been benefits already. I get to see who the ignorami are, and who is more open minded. And I get to see who has a similar perspective to myself.

And mostly, I was bored.

europe2seoul

Joined: 12 Sep 2005
Location: Seoul, Korea

Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 2:29 am Post subject:

Justin Hale wrote:

The criteria in the OP is insane criteria for avoiding American women, certainly back in the States but also in Korea. The States has vast amounts of tasty girls, but not many of them make their way to Korea to work in hagwons for $24,000 per annum. Korea isn't exactly inheriting the cream of the States. Just my experience - yours may differ. Thus, one should concentrate one's efforts on getting a Korean girlfriend, perhaps a few, on this basis instead.

Ditto that!

anyangoldboy

Joined: 28 Sep 2007

Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 2:37 am Post subject:

Surely someone who dates another person who is of a different culture only does so because they feel culturally superior or that they are so pathetic and think other cultures are way superior than their own and are so embarrased/insecure to date someone from their own culture... Kidding...Just joking there...

Ukon

Joined: 29 Jan 2008

Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 4:17 am Post subject: Re: Why I will probably never date another American

Rumple wrote:

Young FRANKenstein wrote:

Rumple wrote:

I've had girls say "Hey, can I get a hug?" with a "What's wrong with you?" tone after 3 dates. Damn! Why does everyone have to move so fast?

Giving someone a hug is not moving too fast. Here's a hint: I hug people I am not even dating *gasp*!

And what lovely culture do you come from that apparently has such a low divorce rate?

Sounds like maybe you need a little help(psychologist)? Even if it isn't a cultural preference, it shouldn't be such a deal breaker....just throw in a hug or two and a peck on the cheek.

We can't all expect to meet "perfect" partner....it's give and take...When in Rome......does it really Kill you to speed it up?

sistersarah

Joined: 03 Jan 2004
Location: hiding out

Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 4:18 am Post subject:

Quote:

The States has vast amounts of tasty girls, but not many of them make their way to Korea to work in hagwons for $24,000 per annum. Korea isn't exactly inheriting the cream of the States.

same can be said of men!

twg

Joined: 02 Nov 2006
Location: Getting some fresh air...

Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 6:23 am Post subject:

sistersarah wrote:

Quote:

The States has vast amounts of tasty girls, but not many of them make their way to Korea to work in hagwons for $24,000 per annum. Korea isn't exactly inheriting the cream of the States.

same can be said of men!

No! No! Sistersarah!

All the guys who go online and spend their time claiming all western women in Korea are disgusting pigs, are the very definition of mentally healthy, virile manhood. All of whom possess rippling abs and biceps that can crush a skull with a tiny flex, and it would do everyone good to take their opinions as fact until proven otherwise.

Rumple wrote:

And mostly, I was bored.

So you're saying that you were trolling...

Rumple

Joined: 19 Sep 2007

Posted: Mon Mar 03, 2008 9:40 am Post subject:

twg wrote:

Rumple wrote:

And mostly, I was bored.

So you're saying that you were trolling...

If that's what I was saying, that's what I would have written.

I think you need to look the word "troll" up in a dictionary.

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