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Korean Job Discussion Forums
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rooster_2006
Joined: 14 Oct 2007
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 Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 4:41 am Post subject: Question for Men Who've Lived in Both Japan and Korea |
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Is it considerably easier to get a girlfriend in Japan than Korea? I've heard it is, but want the opinions of guys who have lived in both. I'm not talking about one-night stands or prostitutes -- I'm talking about a regular, normal girlfriend.
I'll admit, I've had one hell of a time with getting one in Korea. I'm 21, handsome (so ajummas and girls in school uniforms say, anyway), and studied Korean at Yonsei for over 1,000 hours, and yet, despite all this, I've had to work very, very hard for very, very little success. It's been almost two years, and I'm getting sick and tired of being constantly, endlessly single (or on first date after endless first date, with girls who then become perpetually busy when I try to call them up for a second one), despite thousands of hours of study of Korean language and customs.
I'm holding out hope that Japanese girls aren't as icy towards foreign men as Korean women are. I keep on hearing that it's much easier in Japan. I keep on hearing that stupid "status symbol" line but have trouble believing it. It sounds like those ads that you can make thousands of dollars from your PC working a few hours a month.
Any comments from guys who've lived in both countries? Are Japanese women less icy to foreign men than Korean women? |
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mindmetoo
Joined: 02 Feb 2004
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:01 am Post subject: |
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21. Hrm. Most of the males your age are away at the army. The girls still have time before they have to find a proper Korean husband. I have a friend, 30, "handsome" to the Koreans but like me an average joe back home, studied Korean, hagwon teacher, computer geek, picked himself up a Hooters waitress right IN Hooters. Now they're dating.
Could you describe what you're actually doing? 21 year old handsome guy who tries to speak Korean seems pretty much a ringer. Nothing Korean women find more charming than a foreigner who tries to speak korean, we always sound like little children and they find that really endearing. |
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Hanson
Joined: 20 Oct 2004
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:06 am Post subject: |
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Lovely new avatar, btw. |
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the_beaver
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:06 am Post subject: |
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| Your approach might be a little off... |
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rooster_2006
Joined: 14 Oct 2007
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:16 am Post subject: |
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| mindmetoo wrote: |
| 21. Hrm. Most of the males your age are away at the army. The girls still have time before they have to find a proper Korean husband. I have a friend, 30, "handsome" to the Koreans but like me an average joe back home, studied Korean, hagwon teacher, computer geek, picked himself up a Hooters waitress right IN Hooters. Now they're dating. |
Great, another story of an average joe who does way better than me. Has God drawn a circle around just me and decided "he's doomed with Korean women for the rest of his life no matter how hard he tries?"
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| Could you describe what you're actually doing? |
Well, I'm a Yonsei student, and I do a bunch of other things to get by, if you know what I mean. Some of which are interesting and out of the normal foreigner realm. I won't go into it on this forum, but they're nothing scary or sinister.
| Quote: |
| 21 year old handsome guy who tries to speak Korean seems pretty much a ringer. Nothing Korean women find more charming than a foreigner who tries to speak korean, we always sound like little children and they find that really endearing. |
I think my age might be part of the problem. The age gap at marriage, on average, is about four years in this country. So I guess they expect me to date 17-year-old high school girls. I'm not interested. Even if it's legal (and it probably is), they're immature and have no real-world experience. I'd rather date someone my own age, but that's looking impossible.
So basically, if I go to Japan, are things going to be exactly the same?
Last edited by rooster_2006 on Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:22 am; edited 1 time in total |
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RACETRAITOR
Joined: 24 Oct 2005
Location: Seoul, South Korea
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:21 am Post subject: |
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One thing I've heard is that Japanese girls are a lot more impulsive when it comes to one-night-stands, but don't necessarily want to date foreigners. If that's your thing then Japan is probably a lot better. In Korea it's easy to get a date with a girl but takes a lot of work to close the deal.
And no, sorry, I haven't lived in Japan, but have a good friend who's been there for twelve years. |
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rooster_2006
Joined: 14 Oct 2007
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:28 am Post subject: |
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| RACETRAITOR wrote: |
One thing I've heard is that Japanese girls are a lot more impulsive when it comes to one-night-stands, but don't necessarily want to date foreigners. If that's your thing then Japan is probably a lot better. In Korea it's easy to get a date with a girl but takes a lot of work to close the deal.
And no, sorry, I haven't lived in Japan, but have a good friend who's been there for twelve years. |
Precisely, it's easy to get a date with a girl (at least what I'd consider a date), but one of a few scenarios occurs:
1. You go out with her for a few dates. Then you try to hold her hand. Then she flips out because she "didn't see it coming."
2. She doesn't freak out when you try to hold her hand/put her arm around her/kiss her, but then when you try to contact her to meet again, she plays super busy -- had this happen after a 소개팅 one time. My good friend introduced me to a girl and left us with some pitchers and paid for our hotel room. It was a great night. The next morning, she said she was my 여자 친구. Then I call her the next day, and guess what, she's coincidentally busy for the rest of time!
3. She's over 30 and has decided "screw society," and she actually is willing to be your girlfriend (which is great if you're around that age, but I'd rather not date someone 9+ years older than me).
I've had all three scenarios. #1 is the most common. I've lost count of #1. For #2 and #3, these things have happened twice. |
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Pyongshin Sangja
Joined: 20 Apr 2003
Location: I love baby!
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:38 am Post subject: |
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| Do you have a degree? Stop speaking Korean, get a job, get drunk and get friendly. It works for thousands of ugly, no longer 21 yr. olds every day of the week. You'll be fine. |
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rooster_2006
Joined: 14 Oct 2007
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:40 am Post subject: |
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| Pyongshin Sangja wrote: |
| Do you have a degree? Stop speaking Korean, get a job, get drunk and get friendly. It works for thousands of ugly, no longer 21 yr. olds every day of the week. You'll be fine. |
So the consensus I seem to be getting so far is "moving to Japan won't solve your problems -- aging will." Do people agree with this?
As for the degree, I'll have it by next year. Most of the time, though, these girls don't even bother to ask.
I've never had this happen to me at a club:
가: "Wanna dance?"
나: "Do you have a degree? How old are you?"
Should I just shoot myself? |
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JMO
Joined: 18 Jul 2006
Location: Daegu
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:44 am Post subject: |
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I'd say don't try the kissing, holding hands, hugging until after a few dates at least. You need to give it more time here in my experience. Although often the first kiss/first sex can be very close together which is cool.
edit: this is if you want a gf. one night stands don;t want to ever see you again here..and relationships do not start from one night stands.
Last edited by JMO on Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:47 am; edited 1 time in total |
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rooster_2006
Joined: 14 Oct 2007
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:46 am Post subject: |
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| JMO wrote: |
| I'd say don't try the kissing, holding hands, hugging until after a few dates at least. You need to give it more time here in my experience. Although often the first kiss/first sex can be very close together which is cool. |
Oh man, just had a fun experience with that. Waited until the third date. The first date was for Mexican food. Second date was hiking. Third date was dinner and a movie. "My Blueberry Nights," for crying out loud, terrible, sappy chick flick, and I persevered because I was *hoping* it wouldn't be in vain. I tried to hold her hand when we were sitting on a bench in a park.
Doesn't pull her hand away or freak out or anything, but: "I don't understand what you are trying to do. I thought this is what lovers do." |
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RACETRAITOR
Joined: 24 Oct 2005
Location: Seoul, South Korea
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:48 am Post subject: |
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| If this is going to turn into Korean dating advice, a friend advised me when I moved here that the key is patience, as it takes most Korean girls a bit of time to get used to dating a foreigner, being seen with a foreigner, and smelling a foreigner. |
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bogey666
Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Location: Korea, the ass free zone
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:49 am Post subject: |
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| rooster_2006 wrote: |
| Pyongshin Sangja wrote: |
| Do you have a degree? Stop speaking Korean, get a job, get drunk and get friendly. It works for thousands of ugly, no longer 21 yr. olds every day of the week. You'll be fine. |
So the consensus I seem to be getting so far is "moving to Japan won't solve your problems -- aging will." Do people agree with this?
As for the degree, I'll have it by next year. Most of the time, though, these girls don't even bother to ask.
I've never had this happen to me at a club:
가: "Wanna dance?"
나: "Do you have a degree? How old are you?"
Should I just shoot myself? |
there's something very very wrong with your story. Not knowing you nor the details of your encounters I can't comment, but something smells very fishy.
you're definitely too young for girls "your age" anyways.. that would be true in the US as well.
try finding a mature 19-20 year old.
and my nose tells me you come across as "trying too hard". Nothing kills your chances with a girl more than trying too hard. I learned that the hard way when I was your age.
later you learn that the more you don't give a rat's ass, the more interested in you they become |
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Newbie
Joined: 07 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 6:16 am Post subject: |
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Stop giving off the deperated odor.... Here's my story from 6 years ago.
- Somewhere between average and good looking. Not super hot, but could always get an attractive girlfriend back home (no one nighters, though).
- Before coming to Korea someone told me, "whatever amount of condoms you're planning to take, multiply it by 10 and you should be set"
- Landed in Korea and was expecting a windfall. For the first 2-3 months I was always stoked on the weekends thinking I was gonna get action, nothing happened.
- Finally stopped caring about it. All of the sudden I pretty much had a new girl every 2-3 weeks. Every time I went out expecting nothing and looking for nothing, something found me. |
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Paddycakes
Joined: 05 May 2003
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 7:00 am Post subject: |
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The grass, as they say, is always "pinker" on the other side of the fence.
I think the OP is trying too hard. |
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