Korean Job Discussion Forums

[byunhosa]

I think a lot of you, while trying to help the OP, are jumping to conclusions that have not yet been supported by anything the OP has written.

Based on the info we have so far, I would not recommend fleeing Korea with the child. The OP would be liable for kidnapping. Also, it doesn't seem like he's ready to burn bridges with the ROK government as he's asked about retaining visas, etc., and obviously this action would result in exactly that, among other things. I can imagine he is very hurt and emotional but try not to do anything rash.

If his wife files for divorce and he is without fault, he may have a very strong case for sole custody. He should only consider this option if (a) there's an imminent risk that his wife may flee Korea with the baby to points unknown or (b) the court awards sole custody to his wife (in the latter case, he would be breaking the law of course but he may not care at that point). I would counsel patience - he should secure a competent Korean matrimonial attorney ASAP and assess his options.

In the interim, he should be sweet as honey to his wife and give her no ammunition for the divorce, even if she baits him (as she will). He might consider hiring a PI to determine what she's up to; I agree with RJjr that it seems unlikely she would jump ship so abruptly unless she had a place to land. Being divorced and with child (esp. mixed) won't make her too marketable in Korea.

As for the general sniping about giving your wife control over finances, I am not sure this is necessarily the road to ruin that others have alleged, but I don't want to hijack this guy's thread.


Good luck and pls let us know if we can be of more help.

[madoka]

[caniff]

[RJjr]

[Paji eh Wong]

The OP sounds like a good guy in a shitty situation. Taking what you wrote on good faith, some thoughts...

1) Dave's is not the place to come for advice. It is the place to come for rationalization, venting, and making up of things to support your world-view. The keyboard jockeys are not here to be helpful, they are here to feel good. DO NOT TAKE THE DAVETARD'S ADVICE SERIOUSLY. I know its a little schizophrenic, considering I'm about to give you advice but ...

2) The only way that your woman's behaviour makes sense to me is if she a hater in her social circle. A friend or relative who has it in for you or for foreigners in general. Or she may have another man lined up. That was my first impression.

3) Read The Passion Trap by Dean Delis. According to my friend (MA in Counseling) it is the best book on relationships ever written. The general thrust of the book is that there are inherent, systematic problems with romantic relationships that cross time, space, gender, and culture. I slapped my self in the head a couple of times while reading it. The book may give you some tips on redressing the balance of power in your relationship.

4) If you are serious about reconciliation, exhaust it as an option. Wives and kids are big commitments. If I were you, I would not want to have any regrets about altering those relationships. If things do go all pear shaped, you deserve to walk out of there with your head held high, having worked your ass off. Someone suggested couples counseling above. I've never been, but you could give it a shot.

5) Try opening a new bank account, having your next paycheck go to it, and then pay your wife an allowance. See what happens. Just a thought.

[byunhosa]

[RJjr]

You're right that she probably won't want the kid and it's likely a moot point, but we shouldn't mislead the OP into believing he'll get treated fairly in the Korean judicial system.

[Newbie]

[ajgeddes]

As someone who knows hobophobic really well, I know he will do the right thing and won't take some of the crap advice given on here. I hope it all works out.

[Newbie]

[Gideon]

LOL.. wow.. daves esl forums never cease to amaze me.

Based on the comments by some users in this thread I almost thought this was the jerry springer show.

[spliff]

Jerry Springer exactly! I can't believe someone would post something as personal as this on an internet forum. IMHO, people from another expat site are flooding this board w/ troll threads in oder to gain some cliental out old time regular posters who want to bypass the daily troll spam.

[Gideon]

If in fact this isnt a one sided issue and the OP really is being honest, it doesnt hide the fact that this is NOT something to be discussed on any forum for that matter.

I mean really, if you need to use the internet to resort to seeking out helpful information from anonymous ppl then thats just plain sad!!

[captain kirk]

[MissSeoul]