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sineface
Joined: 27 Feb 2006
Location: C'est magnifique
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 Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 11:40 pm Post subject: |
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| Ruraljuror wrote: |
2. There isn't the same expectation of a romantic, loving marriage as there is in the West.
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Also, whilst I'm quite sure you're correct, this seems like a con rather than a pro, no? Perhaps I am being whimsical, but I think a loving marriage isn't something you'd be lucky to be better off without. |
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idiotinkorea
Joined: 25 Jun 2008
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 11:45 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
| it is unacceptable to be single |
it is unacceptable not to cheat |
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xingyiman
Joined: 12 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 11:51 pm Post subject: |
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| sineface wrote: |
| This is all rather despressing. Is't not? |
I ws presenting the optimistic side. I have heard many horror stories as well. One involved a woman who had been matched with a guy who was a wealthy, young businessman. On thier wedding night, evidentally the guy wasn't too awful thrilled about how his new wife was performing so he beat her into a bloody mess and tosed her out into the hallway naked and crying. She pounded on the door for about 10 minutes until one of the other tenants came and gave her something to cover herself. The marriage pretty much went on like that for a few months and the woman eventually got pregnant.
After she took all the abuse she could she wanted a divorce but her parents told her that her child (daughter) would never be able to marry if she divorced her husband. So they remained married but lived seperated. |
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mikeyboy122
Joined: 28 Feb 2008
Location: namyang
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 11:52 pm Post subject: |
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I've been dating a Korean lady for the last six months and I don't think she messes around. She's been seperated from her husband since 1996 and is finally going to sue for divorce. The laws have been changing alot regarding property distribution after divorce. Used to be the woman got squat. My girl says it's now up to 30% and rising. The hubby suddenly is more receptive to the divorce because it's gonna cost him more. Here are some of the things he did to her while they were together. Raped her, almost choked her to death, made her watch him have sex with another woman, cheated regularly, etc. They own a couple of buildings and some property in Seoul. I think she's gonna be okay. He also lives with another woman that he obviously is not married to. My gal is pretty sharp (2 degrees) and has paintings hanging in several museums around the world. She does not work. She just goes to school. She keeps me well hidden. (she has to)I've never been to her house, but I know why. But it's nice to see things changing for Korean woman. A generation ago they weren't even second class citizens. I know why Korean men don't like western men. It's beacause we treat their woman as they should be treated. At least I do.
Last edited by mikeyboy122 on Sun Jul 06, 2008 11:54 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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IncognitoHFX
Joined: 06 May 2007
Location: Yeongtong, Suwon
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| Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 11:52 pm Post subject: |
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This is all very informative, but it's straying away from my original topic a little bit.
Say, for example, a waegukin meets a hangukin girl. They're bat shit mad for each other, or at least the waegukin is (and under the impression the other is, to). The other, however, has two boyfriends, or picks up guys at bars without the foreigner knowing.
The foreigner does find out, after a time. Maybe two or three years, maybe two or three months, but he does find out.
I hear this story a lot from other foreigners. They are mad for a Korean girl, the Korean girl seems to be mad for them, but the Korean girl has a secret boyfriend on the side or an entire secret sex life too. It doesn't have anything to do with setups or arrangements, it's entirely sexual.
What do you make of this? Is this behaviour common with Korean girls (or Koreans in general)? Spare the whole broken, arranged marriage fiasco that is Korean marriage.
This is what has been bothering me recently. Having not been single for very long, I don't want this to be the fate of every future relationship I have. |
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byunhosa
Joined: 18 Jan 2006
Location: Center Ice
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 12:01 am Post subject: |
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[quote="mikeyboy122"]I've been dating a Korean lady for the last six months and I don't think she messes around. She's been seperated from her husband since 1996 and is finally going to sue for divorce. quote]
 Ah, this post is rich in irony. No, she doesn't mess around. |
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xingyiman
Joined: 12 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 12:08 am Post subject: |
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| IncognitoHFX wrote: |
This is all very informative, but it's straying away from my original topic a little bit.
Say, for example, a waegukin meets a hangukin girl. They're bat shit mad for each other, or at least the waegukin is (and under the impression the other is, to). The other, however, has two boyfriends, or picks up guys at bars without the foreigner knowing.
The foreigner does find out, after a time. Maybe two or three years, maybe two or three months, but he does find out.
I hear this story a lot from other foreigners. They are mad for a Korean girl, the Korean girl seems to be mad for them, but the Korean girl has a secret boyfriend on the side or an entire secret sex life too. It doesn't have anything to do with setups or arrangements, it's entirely sexual.
What do you make of this? Is this behaviour common with Korean girls (or Koreans in general)? Spare the whole broken, arranged marriage fiasco that is Korean marriage.
This is what has been bothering me recently. Having not been single for very long, I don't want this to be the fate of every future relationship I have. |
If you are set on dating k-gals then you've just got to put up with all that. Not all women play around but lots of them do. Also, if you are meeting gals in a club or bar it's safe to say that they will probably be more apt to play the field especially if they don't have any inhibitions about dating foreigners.
If you do manage to land one that is not playing around on you then you must deal with the whole thing of "what will the parents think?" Most of the K-gals I know who tied up with a westerner, although they are very nice I kind of wonder if they are perhaps not so exalted on the social front.
I really don't know but generally I haven't heard many situations where the girl's parents were especially thrilled to hear that their daughter was dating a waygook. |
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mikeyboy122
Joined: 28 Feb 2008
Location: namyang
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 12:19 am Post subject: |
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[quote="byunhosa"]
| mikeyboy122 wrote: |
I've been dating a Korean lady for the last six months and I don't think she messes around. She's been seperated from her husband since 1996 and is finally going to sue for divorce. quote]
Ah, this post is rich in irony. No, she doesn't mess around. |
Dude, I'm talking about monogamy. She's stays at my crib every week end from friday until monday morning when I go to work. If you think she's MESSIN' around on her husband you obviously do NOT know very many Korean woman. Ask the ladies how men treat them. My gal said she'd never date another one. And not to placate me. Let me guess, you're under 25? |
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IncognitoHFX
Joined: 06 May 2007
Location: Yeongtong, Suwon
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 12:23 am Post subject: |
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[quote="mikeyboy122"]
| byunhosa wrote: |
| mikeyboy122 wrote: |
I've been dating a Korean lady for the last six months and I don't think she messes around. She's been seperated from her husband since 1996 and is finally going to sue for divorce. quote]
Ah, this post is rich in irony. No, she doesn't mess around. |
Dude, I'm talking about monogamy. She's stays at my crib every week end from friday until monday morning when I go to work. If you think she's MESSIN' around on her husband you obviously do NOT know very many Korean woman. Ask the ladies how men treat them. My gal said she'd never date another one. And not to placate me. Let me guess, you're under 25? |
Agreed. She's only married on paper. |
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victorology
Joined: 10 Sep 2007
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 12:26 am Post subject: |
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A lot of it depends on how much money you have.
There have been stories of people meeting their "true love" but not being allowed by their family to marry them. Well, why wouldn't your family want you to marry your true love? It probably has to do with money and that can include family background and education.
Also, I think Koreans are in many ways more realists when it comes to finding a partner. If you're not married, the thinking is you should meet as many people as possible to find someone you truly match with. This is why a lot of dating around occurs. You might be with someone you like but what's to say you won't find someone else you like better?
I know someone who married a man she dated for 5 years. Over that time, she said she dated other guys but couldn't find someone she liked better. |
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byunhosa
Joined: 18 Jan 2006
Location: Center Ice
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 12:32 am Post subject: |
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[quote="mikeyboy122"]
| byunhosa wrote: |
| mikeyboy122 wrote: |
I've been dating a Korean lady for the last six months and I don't think she messes around. She's been seperated from her husband since 1996 and is finally going to sue for divorce. quote]
Ah, this post is rich in irony. No, she doesn't mess around. |
Dude, I'm talking about monogamy. She's stays at my crib every week end from friday until monday morning when I go to work. If you think she's MESSIN' around on her husband you obviously do NOT know very many Korean woman. Ask the ladies how men treat them. My gal said she'd never date another one. And not to placate me. Let me guess, you're under 25? |
1) No, I'm not under 25.
2) She may well be faithful to you, but clearly she isn't faithful to her husband, to whom she remains legally married. That is "messing around" where I come from, and certainly in the eyes of the law.
I'm not making value judgments at all. If you are both happy, more power to you. It's possible her husband is a real SOB. I am merely stating the facts as you've presented them.
3) I'm sure you think the cuckholding of her husband will never happen to you. He may have thought this once as well. Sometimes you're the dog, sometimes you're the hydrant. |
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Bryan
Joined: 29 Oct 2007
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 12:46 am Post subject: |
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| byunhosa wrote: |
2) She may well be faithful to you, but clearly she isn't faithful to her husband, to whom she remains legally married. That is "messing around" where I come from... |
Where do you come from?
In the Western world, couples who are separated are not together and thus there is no cheating. The relationship has ended, and the legalities are being sorted out. In the eyes of the law, you are not "messing around" even though you are legally married since the laws is interpreted by people who understand the concept of a separation.
Separation does exist. Don't ignore it. |
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Easter Clark
Joined: 18 Nov 2007
Location: Hiding from Yie Eun-woong
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 12:55 am Post subject: |
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I must be in with a progressive group then. The vast majority of the married Koreans I hang out with dated for 6 months, minimum before marriage. OK, not all of them are faithful in the fullest sense of the word because they do like to go to room salons (which I'll admit is less-than admirable). One of my best friends has been dating the same girl for nearly two years and they still plan to delay marriage. Granted they're both in their late 20s.
I know several women at my school who are 30+ but have no intention of marrying the wrong guy. The other (older) men complain that these women are "too selective." Professionally-minded women generally have no problem with the prospect of becoming an old maid. I think it's the ones without education or career prospects that most cynics in this thread refer to.
I also know men who are in their mid 40s who never married, and while I don't doubt there are traditional gender roles at play here, to paint the entire country (much less an entire geographical region) with the same brush just isn't fair.
To the OP--I think women are basically the same wherever you go. As someone else pointed out, if you meet women in the bars, you're more likely to find those that are just out for a good time, nothing long-term. If you meet older women then you're more likely to find someone who is marriage-minded. It's the same back home. If she's marriage-minded and is considering dating a foreigner (presumably knowing what that entails), then I have to believe that she's adult enough to make her own decisions.
Forgive me for not being pessimistic. |
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mikeyboy122
Joined: 28 Feb 2008
Location: namyang
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 12:57 am Post subject: |
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[quote="byunhosa"]
| mikeyboy122 wrote: |
| byunhosa wrote: |
| mikeyboy122 wrote: |
I've been dating a Korean lady for the last six months and I don't think she messes around. She's been seperated from her husband since 1996 and is finally going to sue for divorce. quote]
Ah, this post is rich in irony. No, she doesn't mess around. |
Dude, I'm talking about monogamy. She's stays at my crib every week end from friday until monday morning when I go to work. If you think she's MESSIN' around on her husband you obviously do NOT know very many Korean woman. Ask the ladies how men treat them. My gal said she'd never date another one. And not to placate me. Let me guess, you're under 25? |
A few other facts for you to dispute. I don't mean to offend, but you apparently have not been in the inner circles mentioned by an earlier poster. She's 50 years old. Raised their 3 children mostly by herself. Legal or not, in this country you just don't up and get divorced. When Koreans get married, there are no traditional "vows" as westerners would call them. No "til death do us part, no through sickness and in health, etc. The woman more or less is completely dominated. How long would you stay in such a "relationship"? I don't know if you are married, (I was for eight years) but most married couples will tell you THEY decide when it's over. Not the COURT. The court decides who gets what and and then legally dissolves the marriage. When one leaves the other or there is a mutual understanding it is over, then, as another poster mentioned, you're only married on paper. She estimated 75% of Korean men cheat. Conservatively. She's no spring chicken, (quite fine, however) but her attitude is radically different from the 20 somethings. She often mentions the" if you're over 30, you're ancient" mindset prevalent here. But she has overcome and achieved her own success. Perhaps you should read the original post again. I can't speak for you, but her accomplishments certainly outweigh mine. Peace. Just passin' along some info I believe to be true.
1) No, I'm not under 25.
2) She may well be faithful to you, but clearly she isn't faithful to her husband, to whom she remains legally married. That is "messing around" where I come from, and certainly in the eyes of the law.
I'm not making value judgments at all. If you are both happy, more power to you. It's possible her husband is a real SOB. I am merely stating the facts as you've presented them.
3) I'm sure you think the cuckholding of her husband will never happen to you. He may have thought this once as well. Sometimes you're the dog, sometimes you're the hydrant. |
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byunhosa
Joined: 18 Jan 2006
Location: Center Ice
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| Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 1:04 am Post subject: |
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[quote="mikeyboy122"]
| byunhosa wrote: |
| mikeyboy122 wrote: |
| byunhosa wrote: |
| mikeyboy122 wrote: |
I've been dating a Korean lady for the last six months and I don't think she messes around. She's been seperated from her husband since 1996 and is finally going to sue for divorce. quote]
Ah, this post is rich in irony. No, she doesn't mess around. |
Dude, I'm talking about monogamy. She's stays at my crib every week end from friday until monday morning when I go to work. If you think she's MESSIN' around on her husband you obviously do NOT know very many Korean woman. Ask the ladies how men treat them. My gal said she'd never date another one. And not to placate me. Let me guess, you're under 25? |
A few other facts for you to dispute. I don't mean to offend, but you apparently have not been in the inner circles mentioned by an earlier poster. She's 50 years old. Raised their 3 children mostly by herself. Legal or not, in this country you just don't up and get divorced. When Koreans get married, there are no traditional "vows" as westerners would call them. No "til death do us part, no through sickness and in health, etc. The woman more or less is completely dominated. How long would you stay in such a "relationship"? I don't know if you are married, (I was for eight years) but most married couples will tell you THEY decide when it's over. Not the COURT. The court decides who gets what and and then legally dissolves the marriage. When one leaves the other or there is a mutual understanding it is over, then, as another poster mentioned, you're only married on paper. She estimated 75% of Korean men cheat. Conservatively. She's no spring chicken, (quite fine, however) but her attitude is radically different from the 20 somethings. She often mentions the" if you're over 30, you're ancient" mindset prevalent here. But she has overcome and achieved her own success. Perhaps you should read the original post again. I can't speak for you, but her accomplishments certainly outweigh mine. Peace. Just passin' along some info I believe to be true.
1) No, I'm not under 25.
2) She may well be faithful to you, but clearly she isn't faithful to her husband, to whom she remains legally married. That is "messing around" where I come from, and certainly in the eyes of the law.
I'm not making value judgments at all. If you are both happy, more power to you. It's possible her husband is a real SOB. I am merely stating the facts as you've presented them.
3) I'm sure you think the cuckholding of her husband will never happen to you. He may have thought this once as well. Sometimes you're the dog, sometimes you're the hydrant. |
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Mikey, please calm down. I'm sure your friend is a lovely person and I wish you both every happiness. I hope her relationships, with you or anyone else, turn out better than her marriage has.
You are correct that the court dissolves the marriage. Which, according to you, it has not done yet in your friend's case. That, and only that, is my point. It is irrelevant whether she raised three kids or volunteers for Jerry's Kids.
Good luck to you both. |
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