Korean Job Discussion Forums

[poet13]

(I will fix the numerous spelling errors after lunch. Had to post without editing as the class bell rang.)

In a couple of weeks I will change to another middle school. It wasn't my choice to move schools, but the Dept of Edu does as it wants.

So I have two issues, both of which are important in developing social relationships and a good working environment.

Socializing and sharing personal information.

I was burned at my current school by sharing personal information. At my home, my MC colors hang on the back of my office chair (No, don't ask, its none of your business). There are also a few pictures of me in the field with other people. I have some "goup" gear and trinkets given to me by guys I worked with. My office is off limits to non-family. Some coworkers came to my apartment +one year ago to visit. Housewarming et al. I was careful to politely ask the there of them to stay out of that room. They were all English teachers and indicated that they understood. Just to be sure, one person translated. My co-teacher later excused himself to use the bathroom. After I few minutes, I went inside to find him. He was in my office, taking camera phones pictures of my gear and my photos. He excused himself by saying that it was all very interesting and that in Korea people didn't have thigns liek this. I was pissed but just invited him politely to leave.
The following Monday at school the teachers all look at me funny. A very bold student asked me in class, "How many people have you killed?" Not funny, and a gross violation of privacy.

Hence....I do not intent to share personal information with my new co-workers.

Germs.

Almost every time I go out and do the meal-drinking ritual with Koreans, I get sick. Maybe something to do with sharing tens of thousands of germs. Sharing a communal pot of food makes we want to vomit. I have a 3 week old baby at home. I do not want to take something home to him.
I have no intention of going out and sharing communal food, or exchanging drinks (same glass) with anyone. Apparently the principle likes to take the foreigner teacher out sometimes and get drunk with him (last guy).

I am familiar with non-drinking excuses. Medicine, not during the week, etc.

Aside from germ and information issues, during the next year, I really do want to concentrate on being with my family. I am entirely happy spending almost every minute of the day with my wife and sons.

A few questions for those who are of the same mind.


Am I really setting myself up for a rough year right off the bat?

How much personal information is it really necessary to share?

How do I get out of the food thing....every time?

I want to go out for drinks with a friend from my current school who understands (and agrees with) my feelings and my new co-teacher. I thought if I got some stuff on the table up front we could avoid confusion later. Then I thought that maybe that would just seem demanding and inflexible....especially for someone who wasn't even there yet!

I am worried that I'm in a case of "damned if I do, damned if I don't."

Thoughts on this and the questions above?

[Kimbop]

What's an MC color? What's 'group gear'? When "developing social relationships and a good working environment" it's always good to be truthful and open about yourself with others. Unless you have something you're desperate to hide, which it seems like you do. Or unless you harbor something for which you are deeply ashamed.

I share personal information by the truckload. Acquaintances ask, and I have no qualms with sharing. They seem to love me more for it.

Be strong! Kindly and politely tell coworkers you're a teetotaler.

When eating a communal dish, request your own little bowl and call first dibs.*

*I've never done this, as I have no problem with sharing food with Koreans. I used to clean toilets, however, so I have a strong immune system.

Anyhoo, I'll hold off my judgment of you. PLease define the above before I answer your queries further. All the best!

[TheChickenLover]

My impression is the OP is a former US Marine. There is no excuse for him to be in your personal room, especially since you explicitly told them to respect your privacy in your own house. The fact he did it strongly suggests his disregard for your privacy and what he thinks of you.

Personally, I would have told him to leave and submitted my resignation the next day to the principal stating the reason why (untenable relationship with co-worker due to his actions) and found another school.

This is also a reason why I neve bring staff to my home. Home is your space and not to be judged by anyone other than your guests you choose to invite into your personal space. I have had some people 'drop by' with myself asking them to wait outside while I get ready. I never let anyone in nor enter a house unless I'm invited.

You did nothing wrong, but someone in your school obviously has judged you based on what you have and nothing you can do will prevent him from keeping his judgement. The fact that the students approach you with questions like that suggest that he speaks poorly of you behind your back.

You are not losing out...find a better school.

As for the principal, they are kings in the school and pissing them off can create more headaches than you know. Do as most people do, be polite but professional and DO go drink at least once with him a semester to leave a good memory in his mind other than a string of excuses on why you kept brushing him off.

As for your co-workers, I also have been asked numerous times. I avoided this problem by letting people know that I don't drink (indirectly) and I keep in touch by dropping by their desks with a properly made kettle espresso for them to enjoy while I visit them during non-class periods. It's spontaneous and they do appreciate it sometimes. It also lets you keep your free time to you while having some private personal time with others to build relationships.

Chicken

[Summer Wine]

I would keep your personal info personal and just share the basic stuff e.g how long you been in korea, are you married etc

You dont need to volunteer the info, if they bring it up then keep it simple and find another topic if they get too close to what you consider too private.

Most schools are interested in what you do, but if you have experienced as I have the whole school knowing about your medical problem two days after one teacher seeing you visit the school nurse, then you learn to not get into specifics.

Dont be abbrasive, just be subtle in not discussing certain topics


They should understand that you are not korean and therefore not the same as them in giving info.

[cruisemonkey]

My two cents worth -

With regard to 'sharing' personal information, next time lock the door (if you can); if you can't, don't invite Ks over. Ks seem to think they're born with an inalienable right to snoop... especially on the foreigner.

As for germs, either 'suck it up' or decline the invitation.

[Yu_Bum_suk]

If my school district tired to move me, espcially in the middle of the term, I'd refuse and tell them they'd have to fire me. That's just outrageous.

But I know that my principal wouldn't let it happen.

[poet13]

I'll reply at length after next clas and lunch.

YBM....it's the end of my contract. They're moving me at the beginning of the next.

cruisemonkey. I didn't invite them. They just showed up after school, toilet paper and beer in hand. I couldn't very well tell them to go away.

THeChickenLover. I am not former US Marine. I am a former US gov/mil contractor. I retired when I got too beat up and broken to continue.

bell ringing.....more later.

[IncognitoHFX]

I kind of learned the hard way as well. I became quite comfortable with a couple of my co-teachers off the bat, and in a friendly way devulged a couple tidbits of personal information regarding a semi-tragedy that happened in my life (some friend drama back home: one went to jail for a very long time).

I kept it really simple and didn't give way any specifics, but I have quite a few memories of my co-teachers having high-decible conversations about it shortly after it happened (I told one, the rest found out).

Nothing ever came of it, but I decided not to divulge much after that. For some reason, they haven't picked up on the fact that I'm studying Korean all day long on those days without classes or work to do. Sometimes they'll have full blown conversations about me, what I'm doing and what I did, and not realize that I understand the jist of what they're talking about. The other week we were out for a meal and they asked me if I've ever had Kimchi before--then they proceeded to explain the dish to me. I thought it was funny because of how clueless they are with regards to what I actually know about Korea / in Korean. I use this knowledge to spy on them, which gives me the upperhand socially, because I'm a bastard.

I mean, I really do like my co-teachers. They're all very nice people and they're very kind/accomodating (I will try to renew), but if you give an inch they'll take a mile. I don't think it's them specifically, I think it's the culture. Korean culture is a lot less personal and you have to keep that in mind when talking to Koreans. If you tell them you broke up with your girlfriend, your dog died or your MC hommies popped some caps (I don't know what you're talking about with the MC thing), etc. then everyone is going to find out about it even if you explain that it's a secret.

Now, I only divulge stuff that won't incriminate me. When I volunteer information about my life it usually ends up with me talking about my childhood, my friends or cultural differences (I like to shock them with things like: "in Canada, we move out when we're 18 and our parents don't pay for university"). But I don't divulge anything that might hurt me.

Just imagine Koreans as a big group of gossipy teenage girls and act accordingly.

[Kimbop]

Have nothing to hide! Hey OP: I don't think you have anything to be ashamed about! (except your Jerry Seinfeld fear of germs) Don't shut yourself away from others!

Koreans seem to be batcrap crazy about my personal life. I answer their questions, and tell them it;s strange that they're so curious about me. But what horrible things could they possibly gossip about me??

[cruisemonkey]

[poet13]

MC - Motorcycle Club.

Group in some circles refers to US Special Forces. (I was not, just worked with some guys who were and we refer to each other as brothers.)

For reasons only obvious to me, I cannot just be completely open and truthful about myself. I try not to lie, rather I prefer to divert. My resume lists a imagery analyst company and an engineering company among other things during my high speed period, and I just tell people I was a hazmat specialist, without defining that guns and things that go boom are also hazardous materials. (For those of you current and retired folks wondering why I'm not at least still consulting in that field at 500$ a day, a folder with my name on it got dumped at the bus shelter by Mcdonalds on Itaewon some years ago. In it were digitzed base plans inclunding Casey, Hovey, Greaves, Liberty Bell, and Walker, complete with GPS coordinates and labels. The moment someones AHA with a GPS coord hit the street, my name was mud. It didn't matter that I hadn't been in country for almost 2 months when it happened.)

I try not to be abrasive, but Koreans can figure out when they're being given half an answer, and they can act very insulted about the whole thing. I'm also not good at hiding my annoyance when someone asks me the same question 20 times. I tend to start making up answers.

As far as drinking... I DO drink. And considering the number of events I've been too with teachers from other schools, and the size of my town, everybody else knows I drink too.

"I keep in touch by dropping by their desks with a properly made kettle espresso for them to enjoy while I visit them during non-class periods. It's spontaneous and they do appreciate it sometimes."
That's a interesting tactic.

I have a feeling that no matter what I do, someone, for whatever reason is going to take offense. With my current school, I did jump in wholeheartedly, trying to become a member of the school family. I won't do that again, and I feel bad about it. I'm not a 99% guy.

[poet13]

"Imagine trying to explain this to someone who has never lived/worked in K-land!"

You've been in Korea too long when you say this with a straight face and without thinking it's weird.

[Kimbop]

What's AHA?? What you've typed is like a really bad B-movie, where you're trying to hide the fact that you're a secret agent. Or something lame like that. It seems like you're trying to be very secretive, when you shouldn't be.

We should all strive to be cool, respectable forthright people whom others look up to and aspire to imitate. But you're coming across as strange. Nobody will take offense that you ride motorcycles or are an ex-soldier.

I have a friend who is an ex-marine. He invites friends and acquaintances into his home, shows them his guns and grenades, and professes his admiration for George Bush. He's kind, sweet, and convincing. And he hates socialists. (Perhaps this could be your 1%) Some of his friends disagree with his political views, but they respect his candor.

Key word: candor. Try it sometime.

[cruisemonkey]

[poet13]

"What's AHA?? What you've typed is like a really bad B-movie, where you're trying to hide the fact that you're a secret agent. Or something lame like that. It seems like you're trying to be very secretive, when you shouldn't be. "

Not at all. Secret agent? lol. Hardly. There are tens of thousands of armed gov/mil contractors currently working around the world. Secret? Shit no. Just a very different world than teaching English. Secretive? It's not a part of my life that is any of my current colleagues business.
AHA - ammuunition holding area.

Candor? Your friend does things his way. I don't. I wouldn't describe my lack of candor as a character flaw though. I think you would find that the vast majority of retired guys do not share their experiences with people who haven't been there. I have found that the guys who run around telling people how many people they have killed, and how many missions they took part in are full of shit. The more they say, the less they did. Not talking about your friend, but you can ask him about what I just said. Theres a saying in my town in the philippines, "There are 3 retired Navy Seals and 22 Spec Forces guys living here, and I know all 41 of them."

Anyways, this thread has gone off-topic. It's about how to maintain my health and principles while fostering a productive work environment.