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moosehead
Joined: 05 May 2007
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 Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 1:25 pm Post subject: |
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| Cornfed wrote: |
| If your bride to be is a Westernized woman, I'd run a mile. But, you say, your girl is special and not like the rest. The thing is that Western women really have no character to speak of - not even any bad character. Hence they are quite capable of seeming nice for months or years when it suits their interests. Then when circumstances change they'll suddenly turn on you, drive you to bankruptcy, jail and suicide, and think nothing more of it than putting a dollar in a coke machine. Besides, women have been seducing good men to ruin for millenia. You'd be foolhardy to pit your own intuition against their generations of collective experience. |
seriously, dude, you have issues - !! to make generalizations like that only convinces me that men such as yourself come to Asia seeking women who don't communicate in a language anywhere close to English - hence they'll never have to worry about having to understand each other.
I don't know what happened in your life that instilled such hatred and disrespect for the female gender but seriously - I'm not kidding - you really need to address it - as in - get help!! |
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moosehead
Joined: 05 May 2007
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| Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 1:32 pm Post subject: Re: living alone and the (irrational?) fear of commitment |
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| dharma bum wrote: |
with that said, i am also plagued by the fear of losing the only person i've ever loved |
this right here says it all.
if you love her, sit down and talk to her - explain your fears - and ask her what her's are -
if you love each other you will find a way to work out the different expectations you both have - and yes, I am older and have traveled quite a bit. what I discovered was just how many people will actually go to extreme lengths to accomodate a relationship when they really care.
a lot of people live and work in different cities because of their jobs - they reunite on weekends. others take separate vacations - or meet up during their vacations as one wants to go one place and the other wants to go someplace else
what you want is someone who can respect these kinds of possibilities - who doesn't expect you to conform to only one generalization of what marriage must be and nothing else - this is where so many relationships fail.
even when married, we are still living our lives and in the long run, we need to keep ourselves happy, only we are responsible for that. can you both recognize this and maintain this is important? if so, you are on your way to acknowledging your maturity and responibility which is tantamount to success in marriage.
good luck!! |
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mindmetoo
Joined: 02 Feb 2004
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| Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 6:30 pm Post subject: |
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| Living alone can be nice. Live alone until you're ready not to live alone anymore. |
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ESL Milk "Everyday
Joined: 12 Sep 2007
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| Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 11:35 pm Post subject: |
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Cliched and hokey as it sounds, relationships are built on an open channel of communication.
If you're just buying into her dream and her vision and not thinking of yourself because you think she's the 'one', and you're not telling her how it is because you're afraid of losing her, then that's not good.
If you're sacrificing your dreams because they're in conflict with your life together and she is more important to you, that's probably a good thing as long as she can appreciate what you're doing. If she doesn't appreciate that and just thinks it's silly that you want that in the first place, then there's going to be resentment somewhere down the line.
Maybe you should ask yourself if she would be willing to give up something she loved in order to be with you, or better yet, ask her. Just because society (especially Asian society) dictates that settling down and having a family is a more 'responsible' lifestyle choice, it doesn't mean that you're wrong for wanting to pursue something different.
I would also look at exactly what it is that you want to achieve by doing all this traveling and ask yourself if you can stop and be happy with what you've already accomplished. Of course we always regret the things we didn't do, and the thing about traveling is that you will probably always want to do more... but at some point you have to remind yourself that it's not possible to do everything or see everything, and content yourself with what you've already seen/done.
Really, being content with what you have done is probably much more fulfilling than always wanting more, but that also isn't saying that you shouldn't keep doing it, or that more meaningful experiences aren't out there waiting to be discovered... |
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