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Coworker acting like a 3 year old...appropriate action?
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jdog2050



Joined: 17 Dec 2006

PostPosted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 11:22 pm    Post subject: Coworker acting like a 3 year old...appropriate action? Reply with quote

So I work at a company.

We've got a deadline on a project, and a call came in from our CEO (on a business trip) that we needed to clean the office for a local film crew coming to video top a short segment on the company on Monday (this was Friday).

Now, my coworkers told me that we need to clean, but they proceed to go back to their work for another ten or twenty minutes.

When they start cleaning, they didn't tell me and didn't ask. I was right in the middle of my work, was in the groove, and didn't want to be interrupted as I was a day behind everyone else (because I was editing their work so that they could start).

My coworker goes "Jdog2050, you're not going to help?"

"Uhh...I'm right in the middle of something"

"So were we, do we look like cleaners? You should help."

"Yeahhhh...but I need to finish this."

She didn't say much after that, but apparently she was super pissed. I asked her where something was about 10 minutes after the cleaning, and she goes "I'm not talking to you, you're so selfish".

I was honestly completely shocked because she was dead serious, and I think my manager is also angry at me.

Honestly, I'm really disappointed in them. I feel that if I say I'm working on something as opposed to cleaning, that should be respected since we are at *work*. If you don't tell me when you're cleaning, you damned well shouldn't expect me to drop whatever I'm doing.

I mean, I could be wrong, but I feel like just because you're doing something in a group, it does NOT mean you aren't being selfish. What makes it worse is that I've noticed that this particular co-worker really overcompensates for being the youngest person in the office; constantly talking about how she's "old", etc, etc.

Anyway...how should I handle this situation. It's Monday and she's still giving me the silent treatment, and I feel like it's completely childish. My plan is to wait until tomorrow and then talk to her with the manager, but that could backfire or something.
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yingwenlaoshi



Joined: 12 Feb 2007
Location: ... location, location!

PostPosted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 11:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

She must be punished.
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harlowethrombey



Joined: 17 Mar 2009
Location: Seoul

PostPosted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 11:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Weigh the pros and cons of actually taking a stand on this issue. Is it really worth it?

Whether she's being immature or not or you're morally right or wrong are immaterial. You have to work in this place, around these people, and it might be easier to simply ignore it or give your best fake apology.


Choose your battles as carefully as Korean metrosexuals choose their purses. Smile
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jdog2050



Joined: 17 Dec 2006

PostPosted: Sun Mar 29, 2009 11:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

harlowethrombey wrote:
Weigh the pros and cons of actually taking a stand on this issue. Is it really worth it?

Whether she's being immature or not or you're morally right or wrong are immaterial. You have to work in this place, around these people, and it might be easier to simply ignore it or give your best fake apology.


Choose your battles as carefully as Korean metrosexuals choose their purses. Smile



Shocked Epic quote.
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ESL Milk "Everyday



Joined: 12 Sep 2007

PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 12:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Buy her a small present, give it to her personally while apologizing sincerely, and make it seem like a kind of cultural difference that you are now aware of and will do your best to correct in the future.

If you do this, all will be forgiven and then some. Even if it sounds like a load of shit, it's better than letting this make your whole year miserable. And believe me, it really could make your whole year miserable.
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M-Tea



Joined: 11 Oct 2008

PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 12:42 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ESL Milk "Everyday wrote:
Buy her a small present, give it to her personally while apologizing sincerely, and make it seem like a kind of cultural difference that you are now aware of and will do your best to correct in the future.

If you do this, all will be forgiven and then some. Even if it sounds like a load of shit, it's better than letting this make your whole year miserable. And believe me, it really could make your whole year miserable.


That might work but think about the future. After that she becomes some other unfortunate foreigner's problem. She will then be expecting a gift every time she doesn't get her way.

Up to the OP though.
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Cerriowen



Joined: 03 Jun 2006
Location: Pocheon

PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 1:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

She is acting immature, however this is a cultural thing. Regardless of what the OP thought, they were all waiting on the queue to begin from someone higher ranking. He missed it, because he was in the middle of something. No fault for missing the beginning... but he should have dropped what he was doing to pitch in... because group work is more important than acomplishing anything.

I would suggest the OP eats a tiny bit of crow, and says he's sorry and that this is a culture difference. We don't normally clean our own offices. Also... he really wants to contribute in the future. Would she please get his attention when they are beginning the work, and he would be happy to join in. Then actually follow through.

I think that a gift is unneccissary, but a small appology and promise of changing future behavior is enough.

Yea... she's being childish. Well. Tough. She's Korean. She's a coworker. The OP stepped out of the mind-meld and weren't operating as part of the BORG. Regardless of how the OP sees it, the coworkers see it as him avoiding work, and putting more on them. They're resentful of that.

If the OP wants to work there, then accept by korean standards that he's in the wrong from their viewpoint. Explain the difference. Appologize for making them feel like he didn't want to help, and ask for their indulgence in the future.
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Ya-ta Boy



Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Location: Established in 1994

PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 2:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Call me an immature 3-year old if you want, but I'd probably have hit you over the head with the broom if you'd sat there on your butt while I had to clean the office.

From your post, it sounds like what you do is correct the other workers' product. It won't disappear while you lend a hand. Printed material is like that. It stays put. It may well be irritating to be interupted when you're working, but it is just as irritating for other people.

Yes, buy some bananas for the office, apologize and next time it's time to clean, be first in line for the mop.

Korean culture is group oriented. That is not an original observation. However, it does color how they look at things. In part, it means doing some things you individually would rather not do for the sake of the group. They have to do it; why not you?

You're going to have to make some adjustments to live here. This is one of them. You knew before you came that the culture was different. Welcome to the reality.
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crosbystillsstash



Joined: 12 Oct 2008

PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 3:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

why do you care what she thinks?
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amemorylost



Joined: 19 Oct 2008

PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 3:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry dude, but not proceeding to help your co-workers clean because you're 'in the groove' with correcting work that isn't going anywhere is a pretty poor excuse.
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WoBW



Joined: 07 Dec 2007
Location: HBC

PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 3:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You should have helped.

Sounds like you take yourself way too seriously.
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Mr. Pink



Joined: 21 Oct 2003
Location: China

PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I guess I am the only one who can feel what the OP means when stating he was in the "zone". When you get into a pattern of doing creative type work, such as editing, it really sucks to stop that momentum. The fact that they gave no notice on when they were going to clean was unprofessional. Yeah I know Korea is a group society and if you don't conform to the group they get their panties in the bunch.

How to deal with the coworker? I have no idea. I am a very direct person and I would just come out and said directly what I thought the deal was. I would tell her flat out to her face she is being childish and that I shouldn't be the only one who has to understand cultural differences. If that made her more childish or angry at me it would just prove my point. She needs to learn to get over herself. Yeah, you are selfish because you were doing work at work. It isn't like you said you don't clean because it's not in your contract.

Good luck dealing with their bullshit Smile
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yoja



Joined: 30 May 2008

PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 7:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
and she goes "I'm not talking to you..."


Quote:
...how should I handle this situation...


Upon hearing that she isn't talking to me, I would have asked her to promise to not talk me for at least an entire week and then walked away. But then I generally find people annoying to deal with and would prefer that they not talk to me most of the time.

Seriously, for this level of immaturity, the only thing worse than the silent treatment is when they realize that you really don't care that you're being "punished." I can never work in an office again. 98% gossip and total melodrama and 2% actual work getting accomplished. Ridiculous.

This is one of my favorite classic Korean demands of the waygook: the ol' "You should be perfectly and intuitively aware, as a foreigner who must always kept at arm's length from our beloved culture, as to when you should be thrilled to join in and when you should be thrilled to be excluded from our group activities." Rolling Eyes Next time she whines about how old she is, you should agree with her.

Personally, I'd just continue on as though nothing happened. I don't respond to lame attempts at manipulation, covert or otherwise. If you're editing their work, they will need your help before you need theirs.
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D.D.



Joined: 29 May 2008

PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 8:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

harlowethrombey wrote:
Weigh the pros and cons of actually taking a stand on this issue. Is it really worth it?

Whether she's being immature or not or you're morally right or wrong are immaterial. You have to work in this place, around these people, and it might be easier to simply ignore it or give your best fake apology.


Choose your battles as carefully as Korean metrosexuals choose their purses. Smile


Heh why don't you tell the OP to tell her that she smells like .............. hmmmmm Kimchi. As you are Mr. international relations. I am a vegetarian Canadian. Do I still smell like bacon?
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CA-NA-DA-ABC



Joined: 20 Jun 2006

PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 8:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

harlowethrombey wrote:
Weigh the pros and cons of actually taking a stand on this issue. Is it really worth it?

Whether she's being immature or not or you're morally right or wrong are immaterial. You have to work in this place, around these people, and it might be easier to simply ignore it or give your best fake apology.


Choose your battles as carefully as Korean metrosexuals choose their purses. Smile


lol. nice touch.
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