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Korean Job Discussion Forums
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niugnepLIVE
Joined: 26 Aug 2009
Location: Korea
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 Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2009 5:26 pm Post subject: strengthen the bridge or burn it? |
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The longer I stay in Korea, the less respect I have for the country, the culture, and many of the people.
I had left for a while and returned hoping that absence would revitalise my interest in the place.... and so it had for maybe my first week back.
But after 3 months, not anymore. Basically, I'm sick of the unwarrented arrogance, the pettiness, the xenophobic attitudes... should I go on??
Ok, so I should leave. However, I have one major tie. I have been in an on and off again relationship (I know theres that old chestnut joke in there but I'll ignore it) with a korean girl for 5 years now....
And lately she and I have been discussing our future.. i know she is set on marriage, and at times I seriously think about it... But to have feelings for somebody, to love and respect her... but to have contempt for her country and culture.... I think is not the way to a healthy relationship.
Yes, she wants to return to australia with me...for her it is also an escape of sorts....but i know deep down she is korean, and in some aspects will always have ties and connections to this place that she will (rightly) never want to cut.
difficult decisions... |
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Fox
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2009 5:30 pm Post subject: |
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| Bridges are meant to be burned. |
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Joe666
Joined: 19 Nov 2008
Location: Jesus it's hot down here!
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| Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2009 10:28 pm Post subject: |
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| This is one of those questions that only you can truly answer!! Asking for advice like this on Dave's is almost useless in my opinion. As a fellow westerner, I hope you make the right choice!! |
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Moldy Rutabaga
Joined: 01 Jul 2003
Location: Ansan, Korea
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| Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 5:32 am Post subject: |
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[....]
Last edited by Moldy Rutabaga on Thu Jan 02, 2014 5:25 am; edited 1 time in total |
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giraffe
Joined: 07 Apr 2009
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| Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 8:08 am Post subject: |
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| In my experience and what i observe from my friends around me, On and off relationships never work out and if they are any happy endings with those its extremely rare. Which makes it even worst for korean girls because they have a whole different value system of married life. Most koreans dont marry for "love" anyways. I bet if you were to marry her your in for long nasty ride especially if you find alot of korean culture / ways unbearable. Sounds like you've been around this girl soo much that even though you know it would be best for you to leave her, you can't. thats a tough spot to be in and i know how it feels like. In my case , i litterally had to run away / ignore and litterally tear myself away from a girl so that i could escape something i didn't want in life. Even thought he relationship was ok most of the time there was ALOT i hated about it and just didnt like and i knew it would never change and that it would be a nightmareif i were to marry that girl or stay with her. We were on and off for 4 years, we were sooo used to each other it was hard to not to get backtogether after breaking up. Anyways stay away from nightmares like that, no matter how you like this girl itll never change and marriage wont make it better. a Few of my friends married girls who they were on and off for 3-6 years and they all divorced after a few months - 3 years. |
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roadwork
Joined: 24 Nov 2008
Location: Goin' up the country
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| Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 2:11 pm Post subject: Re: strengthen the bridge or burn it? |
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| niugnepLIVE wrote: |
The longer I stay in Korea, the less respect I have for the country, the culture, and many of the people.
I had left for a while and returned hoping that absence would revitalise my interest in the place.... and so it had for maybe my first week back.
But after 3 months, not anymore. Basically, I'm sick of the unwarrented arrogance, the pettiness, the xenophobic attitudes... should I go on??
Ok, so I should leave. However, I have one major tie. I have been in an on and off again relationship (I know theres that old chestnut joke in there but I'll ignore it) with a korean girl for 5 years now....
And lately she and I have been discussing our future.. i know she is set on marriage, and at times I seriously think about it... But to have feelings for somebody, to love and respect her... but to have contempt for her country and culture.... I think is not the way to a healthy relationship.
Yes, she wants to return to australia with me...for her it is also an escape of sorts....but i know deep down she is korean, and in some aspects will always have ties and connections to this place that she will (rightly) never want to cut.
difficult decisions... |
Didn't you get banned already, evil penguin? |
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Cheonmunka
Joined: 04 Jun 2004
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| Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2009 3:36 pm Post subject: |
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| but less so as I get older and I feel more sympathy for what people go through here and their mechanisms for coping |
I like Moldy's words.
The thing is the longer you stay these also become your mechanisms, too.
"This is better than you exploding someday when an ajoshi stares at you or someone brags about how healthful Korean food is."
Well, I reckon we can't help that one. It's inbred in us.
Then there's the Aus. thing. Having lived extensively in both places I won't say Aus is any better. Just different.
If you are like Giraffe and have moments where you hate the relationship, then there is nothing of that relationship that will make you happy. As you get older, in married life, things don't get easier. They get harder. You need to have that love/committment 100% there to begin with.
Look, if you don't specifically think about her, then suddenly she crops up in your mind, do you have real good feelings? Then, that says it's really good. But, if you have dread moments then it ain't going to work, I think. |
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