Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Panda]

[Triban]

Honestly I've only once found all the aspects I was looking for embodied in a woman, and I let it slip through my fingers after 8 months. I haven't found a woman close to that caliber since. It is a tale of woe, but how do we remedy it? I feel for you panda girl. Also, I was not lying when I said I am a Gemini (I also like candlelit dinners and reading by the fire).

[Gibberish]

[Joe666]

Panda wrote:

[Panda]

[Panda]

[the_beaver]

I had a couple of comments but... bah...

If you really want to know what's going on, don't read Cosmo articles and don't listen to advice on how to keep a man happy. Read "The Evolution of Desire" -- an excellent summary of research rather than an idealized view of how men or women should be.

[PRagic]

OP, where are you from originally? There may be cross-cultural reasons that you're not connecting.

Sometimes, people don't approach the long-run in a balanced way; if you like him, you'll kick into 'kids' discussions, but if a guy you're not so hot on does the same, you'd run.

Also, you have to ask yourself just how freaky you're willing to get in the bedroom. The guy might not want to go there, but, hey, you never know. Best to be mentally and emotionally prepared. It's important that nobody in relationship feel entitled.

[Illysook]

Check out Henry Cloud's books on dating. One is called "Boundaries in Dating" and I'm pretty sure that there's another one, but I don't remember the title. He had some good strategies for finding people to date and then a lot of stuff about not getting too intimate too soon...and that intimacy is not just sexual.

Also, there's a book out there called "Keeping the Love You Find" that is supposed to be pretty good. I peeked through it at a bookstore once and was too lazy to do all the self-assessment and such. Maybe if I'd bothered with it, I'd be married by now.

I personally like to talk to people who are happily married and ask them how they did it. It makes me feel like there is hope for me...and I got a sweet, sweet, sweet little message from my big crush the other day, so there probably is some hope. Good luck!

[hellakitty]

Panda I always like your posts and you seem like a sweet person. Other posters have given you a lot of good advice but I wanted to add my 2 cents as well:

1) As the others have said, try and stay in the moment. There are ways of asking a person about their future without coming across as too forward or insane - for example, "where do you see yourself in a couple of years" vs. "where do you see our relationhip in a couple of years"

2) Look for little cues on his part about the seriousness of the relationship- if he is taking you to meet his freinds, family etc. - this is probably a sign that he is serious about you.

3) Finally, make sure you are getting what YOU want out of it too! I think that a month is a good amount of time for becoming exclusive and any time after 6 months for determining a level of commitment.

Finally, if you actually like the guy - do not jump in bed with him right away; especially before the "exclusive" stage, though if you are just looking for fun go for it

And it sounds a little nutty, but I always found 'Sex and the City' to be a pretty accurate portrayal of guys and relationships, so maybe check that out (plus, the clothes are to die for) Hope this helps and good luck to you!

[Panda]

[Panda]

[Triban]

[jlb]

Some of my coworkers and acquaintances here in Korea lament that they can't find a GF/BF/husband/wife. In all cases, the fault is their own for one of the following reasons:

1. They are just physically unattractive. They either don't exercise and have a couple spare tires, dress like an old many/lady in baggy clothes or are very hairy. These things can be remedied but no steps appear to be being taken.

2. They don't understand the art of conversation. I say a couple sentences, you say a few, I respond and on it goes. They just talk. A lot. At you, not with you. Such that you're itching to get away. These first two are the most important. Basic social skills that some people don't learn.

3. They are not well-read or informed about current events and life in general. No books, or internet. They spew crap that can't be taken at face value. Even Koreans (not speaking English as a first language and about a culture not their own) can see through this I think.

4. They are paranoid and think that people are out to get them.

5. Their apartments are weird. Too much clutter, such that it's kind of scary. The first time they bring a girl or boy home, it'd freak them out.

Anyway...see if you fit into one of these categories, and if yes, make some steps to change!

[Morning_Star]

Are you really an English teacher?

First, be goodlooking. If you're not naturally goodlooking, then start excersising, dressing nice and taking care of your physical appearance.

Second, be interesting. Learn how to talk, not just making conversation but be engaging.