Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Bryan]

My girlfriend and I are pretty serious and I think I want to meet their family when I get back to Korea (we're both in Canada right now). They don't know about our relationship, but they do know that she knew me last year when we were both in Korea. Really we had been dating all that time, so that's a kind of lie of omission that my girlfriend committed and I'm slightly worried about.

I'm also her first boyfriend--she's never had a boyfriend before whether Korean or not. They think she's never had a boyfriend before, that she's still a virgin, etc.

She says she has a feeling that her Mom will probably accept me but is worried about her Dad. Let me explain something that her father does: She has traveled from Incheon to Seoul for university every day for over 1.5 hours each way while in Korea. When her younger brother graduated high school the father got him an apartment right next to his university in Seoul right away. My gf suggested that they get a two bedroom that they share together so she could have an easier time going to school, and her father was adamantly against that. She also seems to get in a bit of trouble with him if she stays out overnight at a friend's house. That leads me to believe her father is highly protective of her. That's part of the reason why she didn't tell her parents about us before we left Korea--she was worried that her father would disallow her from going on the university exchange to Canada. As far as he knows, she's just going to UBC, but doesn't have a boyfriend here.

I want to meet them next summer and I'm studying Korean very hard so that I can have a decent conversation with her Dad and Mom--or at least know what's going on when I listen to them. I'm wondering what else I can do to impress them? I want to put my best foot forward, and I figure the most efficient way is to be able to speak Korean better. But I'm also interested in what kind of sensible actions people take when meeting their girlfriend's parents.

I also wonder if any good can come out of her telling her parents by email or phone that she is in a relationship now, instead of waiting until she gets back and meeting them in person.

[Xuanzang]

Leave it til you`re back in the land of the Morning Chaos. They could threaten to cut her off (monetary) or "compel" her to come back early from the uni exchange. The worst thing was they disown her over the phone. Unless you`re getting engaged. Why meet the family prematurely? It`s not like back home where bfs meet parents readily.

I guess if you`re so determined to meet him then dress up nicely, bring some oranges or overpriced fruit box, and/or Canadian Club/alcohol. Bow when you first see them. Good luck man.

[giraffe]

Id say Meet the parents only if the plan is to marry her ( if they are as conservative as you make them sound to be). No plan of marriage maybe avoid them as much as you can, why disturb shit over nothing.

BUt yes if this is the girl you want to marry better just be honest upfront about everything with everyone. You're GF is going to have to grow some balls to talk to her parents if shes serious about this. We can all speculate that the parents might disown her and cut her off if they oppose but you never know until it happens. Time will tell. Even if shit hits the fan just sit it through and be supportive of each other. I dont think theres anything you could really do to change any preconceived notions the parents might have about westerners ( unless youre some millionaire or something... I think theyll change their minds =p.) Best you can do is just learn korean, treat their daughter well, have a decent job/income if youre going to marry her and present yourself as well as you can. See where that takes you.

I feel sorry for anyone who has to go through any of that stuff. I've been VERY VERY VERY fortunate with my korean inlaws and wife. As soon as me and gf started dating ( in canada) she called her mom to let her know. All her parents ever cared were for their daughter to be happy. If shes happy the parents are happy. Gf eventually went back to korea where we did the long distance thing. The first time i met her parents was a year after we met. I went to korea and stayed there for 3 months living with her and her family. soo everything was always out in the open. I kept doing this for 3 or 4 years living with them for extended periods of times. Its really nice to live with a good korean family. They are extremely open minded and curious about westerners and her mom brags about me to her ajumma friends. Soo everytime i hear people having problems with korean parents it makes me realize how lucky i am. It would totally crush me if i had problems with my inlaws from the starting. Family matters are crazy hard to deal with because you never know how things will turn out...

[redaxe]

Do NOT meet them unless you are 100% SURE you want to marry this girl. Otherwise, no good can come of it.

[definitely maybe]

I'm not as down on it as everyone else, but I think it shouldn't be forced. Let it happen naturally. If you're still going strong as your return draws closer, she should give her parents a heads up. It may be a shock, but blindsiding them in country could turn out poorly as well.

Lots of Korean girls say the same things about their father, yet there are a number of people I know, me included, who were worried for no reason. I have friends, foreign and Korean, who were initimidated by their girlfriends'/future wives' fathers, and it turned out well enough for all of us. Everyone has their different stories. I'm sure there are some fathers out there who've been less than pleased with their daughters having dated foreigners, but I'm also fairly confident that most of them can deal with it.

[Deep Thirteen]

kentucker4 could offer some great advice for you.

[Goon-Yang]

Meet the parents=intent to marry her. If you meet them and everything goes well then you are engaged to her by Korean customs. Did you know this? Is this what you want?

Most foreign guys, myself included, had problems with the dad. It's pretty common.

How's your Korean? Does her brother speak Korean? Usually you'd have a heart to heart talk with the old guy about your intentions...so you'll need someone (male...not your GF) to talk to the old biggot...er guy.

Bring your best bottle of whiskey from home and wear a suit. Pour whiskey into him and then take the family out for a meal. Make sure you follow drinking customs (pouring for him, turning your face away from him when you drink...all that crap) and he'll feel you respect him and can act Korean. If he says yes when he's drunk out of his tree it's still a yes.

Who cares if he's pissed afterwards. You want to marry his daughter, not him. Once you have a kid, everything will be golden.

[mc_jc]

[ajgeddes]

Dress up nice and be very respectful. Eat whatever they want you to eat, and drink whatever they want you to drink. I met my girlfriend's parents after dating for a month and that was almost five years ago. I have since seen them a hundred times since and there has never been a problem. We get along just fine as well. I have even spent time with her parents when my girlfriend wasn't there and I have met most of her relatives. I know that my situation is not normal, but it does go to show that not every Korean parent is like how everyone else is describing them.

[Bryan]

[Shapur]

If he is a bigot you may never win him over so don't even worry about that.
If I was you I would think about this in the same way you would if you met the dad in your own culture.
Just put yourself in the poor old guy's shoes^^
The nightmare of any dad is the light of his life bringing home a weak, slimy bozo that she is hell bent on marrying.
Show him you are not that guy.
Show him all due respect by all means but for God's sake be a man otherwise there is little chance of him ever respecting you as a man.
You are not Korean so don't bother overdoing the Korean respect thing. You met her overseas, so he is unlikely to expect too much of that anyway and as such you have a distinct advantage over someone who meets a girl inside Korea. The expectations are higher in that case. You are 'foreign'. Trying to be anything else won't work and worse may come across as false.
As others have said, learning the language would be great and the fact that you are bothering to do so when you don't live in Korea will be a huge fact in your favor (assuming they have any brains at all of course).
You are flying all the way to Korea just to meet her family. THAT is a statement of the utmost seriousness as to your intentions that really speaks for itself. It also speaks volumes for your sense of propriety, your respect for the old boy as her father and your willingness to 'do things properly'.
If they agree to meet you under those circumstances they have already taken the first step towards accepting you because they are aware of those things.

Best of luck![/i]

Oh sorry. You met her in Korea. My bad (1st edit)
However, I reckon what I said still stands regardless. Good luck once again! (2nd edit)

[Bryan]

[redaxe]

[Bryan]

Actually Shapur, I met her in Korea at the university I was going to. We were a campus couple. When I came back from the exchange, she decided to do an exchange in Canada. After I graduate next Spring, I'm going to Korea to study Korean full time for a while. I'm not flying there just to meet the family.

I just talked to my girlfriend about the bowing thing and she said her Mom will probably think it's cute (related to your point). I don't really wanna seem cute, I want to look like a man and I actually want to show respect for her father, because at this stage I do respect most of what she's told me about him. Sorry if I only mentioned the bad things about him but that's because I'm trying to address my situation here.

[Xuanzang]