Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Goku]

I'm getting this vibe that the large majority of people I meet (in Korea) have serious emotional issues. The more and more people I talk to... there are just a wealth of people with so many problems. The major one being maturity... I know Korea is the land of emotional people. It can be good in many ways... And I like Korea in this way. Don't get me wrong.

However, I am worried for the country as a whole. I see so many messed up families. Dysfunctional mothers and fathers. People who try everything in their power to give the best for the kids, but fail miserably at every turn.

I've never seen so many people try so hard to raise their kids to be the best but do everything wrong. Mostly the lack of love and care and acceptance that children need. They provide the most money, the most education.

But the children are lacking the most fundamental element in success and stability. Love and acceptance. I'm not talking some fruity new age crap. I'm talking the psychology that children need both a stable mother and father who show relationship maturity to their children.

I'm not posting to complain, but I was hoping some would share their experience with this issue.

Have you seen any emotionally unstable families? Why do you think they are like that? Is it because of a cultural thing? Is it because of the stress associated with this society? Do you think it's genetic to their family?

I hope to learn more about this particular topic.

[PRagic]

All of this has been observed and codified based on your own culturally embedded world view, values, attitudes, and perceptions. Just something to chew on. I know a few Korean shrinks in the US. Wonder what they think about the Americans they treat!

[Old Gil]

[The Gipkik]

One thing that sticks out, and I notice it almost everyday, is how often Koreans talk to themselves. I guess that's part of the culture--as I've seen it in Vietnam as well, when a Korean man was making a nightly walk in the park sound like an opera rehearsal. I thought he was mad, though.

The other day, the manager of my gym, a nice guy I thought, blew up on his staff for not keeping the gym cleaner. The next day, there he sat behind the counter talking loudly to himself. May just be cultural, but I doubt it. Seems more like a coping mechanism to me.

[fermentation]

Korea has problems of course, and the suicide rate is evidence of that. But if you're talking about "so many messed up families. Dysfunctional mothers and fathers. People who try everything in their power to give the best for the kids, but fail miserably at every turn" then Korea is not alone in the world. I saw messed up marriages, families, and relationships all the time in the US.

However, I think the greatest difference between Korea and the US is that Americans seem more ready to accept their problems and look for solutions (such as seeing a shrink). Many Koreans seem to quietly accept their situation and pretend to be ok. I think that's the general attitude of the nation as a whole. Koreans vehemently defend anything they see as Korean even if deep down they don't agree with what their saying, and the same goes for personal and family problems. I think Americans as a whole are more ready to make fun or criticize their own culture/society and themselves. Shows like the Colbert Report or South Park are examples of this attitude in popular media (such forms of comedy are rare and very limited in Korea). It's one of the things I respect most about Americans (and perhaps other Western nations). We all have problems since we're human, but change and progress starts from acknowledging that there are problems.

One thing I have to add is that when I'm in Korea I feel there's an oppressive mood in the air. The nation as a whole has a depressing vibe to it. I see it in many modern industrialized nations (I just don't think modern civilizations are the right environment for human beings) but Korea seems worse than the States from my perspective. I see a vast number of people with scowls on their faces and many don't know how to smile. In fact it took me a while before getting used to smiling regularly and my family members don't smile often either. One comment I get from many Koreans who visit the US is that Americans seem to have a much lighter and calmer mood, and they wish the same for Korea.

[Joe666]

[Goku]

[richardlang]

The Confucian-based society of honor/dishonor has a lot to do with it. Koreans live under a lot of stress because of it. Respect here is based upon family history (Person A: Do you come from a poor family? Person B: Yes, but I'm making my way through life just fine. Person A: Well, I guess I can't marry you), wealth, and education (SKY, etc).

[redaxe]

[detourne_me]

I was enlightened this weekend after talking with my GF, trying to learn some Korean.
We were going over family members, what to call each other, etc. and she told me the most interesting...and saddening fact.
Apparently many Korean women fall into depression and one of the reasons why is because they lose their sense of identity.
Strangers call them ajumma, family members call them oni, nuna, emo, gomo, etc. children call them o-ma, and husband's call them "child's name" o-ma.
As their social circles change (once they have children) they associate with other mothers, who refer to each other as the mother of the child (eg. minsu oma)

I guess the only time they actually hear their own name is in formal or judicial settings....
Quite sad really.

[PRagic]

Again, different value set.

[giraffe]

[Old Gil]

^
It could have something to do with the lack of names compounds the fact that women are viewed as second class citizens here, at least once they're married up.

[Panda]

[jhuntingtonus]