Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Rae]

[jhuntingtonus]

A lot of talk here about "womanizers" and how reprehensible they allegedly are. Well guess what? "Womanizing" often works, because many women LIKE womanizers! Same thing as the trite pickup lines women condemn. If they never worked, they wouldn't be trite, would they?

[aboxofchocolates]

Oh, love has ground my face in the dirt just like everyone else. No excuse for bad behavior, though.

[Sector7G]

[Panda]

A quotable quote from my own country : love is the infinite war between women and men (it has to be updated for gay people though)

Love IS a game, you are both the player and judge.

That being said, you can stay with a great partner but still be a loser, if you cant accept the dark sides of human nature and be content with what you have, Vice versa.

In other words, hater is always the weaker.

My idea and suggestion for i_teach_esl and all those who cant stand betrayal or splitting or whatever bullsh*t is:

Don't cheat yourself to believe the world is perfect or you are not with or wont never meet the wrong person, cheating is everywhere, RAISE YOUR HEAD AND SMILE, FACE IT, not hating the wrongdoing doesnt make you a bad person.

Stay strong and positive to see the sparkling sides of your relationship...don't give up love just because its imperfect, don't listen to others just because you feel lame if you dont follow the general PRINCIPLE.

He laughs best who laughs last

Many of you dont like Hilary Clinton, thinking she is miserable because her husband cheated on her many times, no matter how successful she is in chasing her political ambition, but to me she is a very strong woman, she knows her place and accepts who Bill Clinton is (how hurting it was when she was told the truth?), can she get a better situation other than she is having now? Isn't she the winner in this bloody fierce marriage defensive war?

[aboxofchocolates]

Not much excuses a cheater. The person with whom they cheat have made no promises of fidelity.

There are some people we feel justified in hating, even though they have not tried to do us any direct harm. In the fifties it would have been lose women or divorced women, who tempt men away from their wives. Completely acceptable to hate them. Today's convention is it is acceptable to despise the woman he cheated on you with, and I am not buying that.

It's not that I don't believe people shouldn't curtail their freedom to benefit others- they should at times. I don't believe this is one of those times. No outside party should hold any responsibility for a cheaters actions. Whether you believe it or not, this makes her responsible for a relationship she has received no benefit from or has no interest in.

(It also perpetuates some myth of nuclear families being wrecked by lose women, and that's just an awful throwback.)

The people who have made the commitment to be together are the ones responsible for that commitment, and no other party has any place or business policing that commitment through action or inaction.

[jhuntingtonus]

Possible analogy - I happen to think that offering a bribe is not immoral, that only accepting one is. Is that the same with romantic cheating? Unless coercion is involved, maybe only the person cheating without prior agreement or an open relationship (which, combined, are more than 0%), is being immoral?

This topic reminds me, though, of lyrics from Robert Cray's Right Next Door:

"She was right next door and I'm such a strong persuader
That she was just another notch on my guitar
She's gonna lose the man that really loves her
In the silence I can hear their breaking hearts"

That sure sounds like regret to me. But we have two more issues we must resolve before we can make a well-reasoned conclusion on cheating:

1. Does great charisma or seduction skill, which I think is what Cray is talking about, carry a responsibility, even though the "targets" have free choice and are not being coerced?

2. Should infidelity, even when caused by such charisma or skill, be automatic grounds for immediate divorce or permanent breakup?

Whatcha think?

[UknowsI]

[AmericanExile]

Everyone is stuck thinking about the infidelity.

Cheating is a subset of betrayal which is of course considered by some to be worse than murder or rape. When remember in infamy the great betrayers Lucifer, Judas, and Arnold. Of course to betray you have to have first been in a position of trust. That obvious means the person in the relationship. If that was all there was to it then we could easily say that only the cheater is to blame and the person they are cheating with is free of all wrongdoing.

In some cases, it is just this simple. In other cases, there are other considerations.

1) Is the third party somehow also connected to the SO of the cheater? Are they friends or relatives? If so, there is a secondary betrayal. We can argue about if this betrayal is as bad as the cheating, but it is a betrayal and therefore inherently wrong.

2) Is there a pattern of behavior that seeks to spread misery? Falling in love with someone who is married that you work with and see everyday happens. It is understandable. However, a person who serially has affairs with married people is a different animal. They wallow in misery and are seeking to spread it. That seems wrong to me although it also doesn't seem to be much of my business unless it is happening to me. I'd like to know who these people are so I could avoid them, but otherwise, eh.

3) Are there children? Children change the situation completely. We have a right to pursue our own happiness. Competing with another adult for the affections of a person is a part of that. That other may end up hurt, but then again so might you. It is fair. Once children are involved the cheating, the betrayal of a romantic relationship, is no longer the only wrong that happens. The other adult is no longer the only person who gets hurt. The children get hurt. Sometimes people are f*&%ed up for life. Since your actions contributed to that you are partially responsible. It has nothing to do with who made a vow to who. When you knowingly get involved with a person who is married with children then you knowingly put them at risk of harm. When they are hurt, it is because of what you did and did intentionally. Who does that to children? Only a M'F'ing scumbag as far as I'm concerned.

So stop thinking about this as if a broken vow is the only problem. That's one dimensional thinking.

[AmericanExile]

[karoly]

[DWAEJIMORIGUKBAP]

I would never sleep with a cheetah.

I'd be torn to shreds.