Korean Job Discussion Forums

greene · Joined: 11 Dec 2008

my head is crazy these days and i'm just venting

i got into a relationship with a k-girl about 8 months ago. the relationship killed my social life because i don't see the point in going out on the weekends if i'm not trying to pick up girls (and all my male friends live on the other side of town, where i used to work). so i basically drifted away from my friends

i spent every weekend with this girl, basically just wasting away getting drunk in her or my apartment and watching downloaded movies with korean subtitles.

this is not a way i could live for more than a year... as i'm wasting my time.......but because there was a cut-off date, it has worked out

now my return to america is only 2 months away and the thought of leaving is both exciting and like, horribly painful

this is my first long-term relationship. any sympathizers or commiserators (is that a word?) or haters wanna slap me back into the real world?

reactionary · Joined: 22 Oct 2006 Location: korreia

i can empathize with the part where you talked about sacrificing your social life, spending time with the girl on the weekends rather than seeing friends. i've had that happen to me before and then the relationship suddenly ends and hey! guess what! i have no friends.

as for the rest, i'm not quite sure what you're getting at. you have to make a choice. if you love her, stay here. if not, goodbye. only you can decide that. message board lurkers can't do that for you.

greene · Joined: 11 Dec 2008

oh, i'm not staying. just want some wise words to make me feel better. or whatever can be offered.

truth be told: if i came back to korea i would probably move to another city to keep myself from falling back into this wonderfully lazy but unsatisfying relationship

as dennis in always sunny said: "i'm not flourishing"

---------

am i a bad person for feeling/living like this? i dunno, i can't tell

greene · Joined: 11 Dec 2008

i didn't mention this but... i tried to break up with her twice in the fall, but her late night drunken calls ... what could i do? not strong enough i guess

reactionary · Joined: 22 Oct 2006 Location: korreia

you'll be fine. just be honest.

.38 Special · Joined: 08 Jul 2009 Location: Pennsylvania

carpetdope · Joined: 13 Oct 2008

Olivencia · Joined: 08 Mar 2009

Just marry her and then you have a friend and that much more for life.

Bloopity Bloop · Joined: 26 Apr 2009 Location: Seoul yo

travel zen · Joined: 22 Feb 2005 Location: Good old Toronto, Canada

If you are not having fun and flourishing, then you could be 'out there' finding a great gal. Sex on demand is sweet, but a 'real relationship' is better.

Why settle ? Be happy to move on Very Happy

mc_jc · Joined: 13 Aug 2009 Location: C4B- Cp Red Cloud, Area-I

PatrickGHBusan · Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2010 5:56 am Post subject:

Well...to be blunt what you have is not a long-term relationship (8 months is not long term buddy... Laughing

).

What you have is an odd arrangement (based on your description of it) that you tolerate.

Now...a few basics about real relationships..my view of them anyway

1- If you are in a real relationship....seeing your buddies less will not be a sacrifice as you will want to see her. Framing this in a sacrifice perspective sounds a bit immature (man this chick is breaking my balls and I am not seeing my buddies to get hammered)....

2- The booze seems to occupy a bit of your life (and hers)....why are your weekends focused on getting hammered? That sounds rather dull and empty and again does not sound like a relationship at all.

The reality here is that you are in this situation through your own admitted inability (or lack of willingness?) to change things. Nothing else is in play here but you making choices. You choose to stay in this...therefore you have little ground to complain or whine about it (even if yours was a mild rant at best).

Anyway...good luck with this and hopefully you let her know you are leaving sooner than later....

yingwenlaoshi · Joined: 12 Feb 2007 Location: ... location, location!

Just be completely with her, and expect the same from her.

I found that is the best way in dealing with ALL koreans, not just korean women.

It's true, Pat eh eh eh eh eh eh (nice glasses and hairdo, Pat) it's true.

TRUE

PatrickGHBusan · Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2010 6:42 am Post subject:

Glasses and hairdo?

What are on own about now Ying...are you hitting the bottle again as you roam the streets ?? Laughing

Illysook · Joined: 30 Jun 2008

Were there other things that you wanted to do while in Korea that you are missing out on because of this relationship? If so, you should break it off with her now and go do those things. Then, when she drunk dials you, you will be too busy to see her.

I'd also advise reconnecting with those friends that you made. Dropping out of the scene over a member of the opposite sex isn't the least common of "sins" and they should forgive you.