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Mr. Pink
Joined: 21 Oct 2003
Location: China
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 Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 12:36 am Post subject: |
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| geldedgoat wrote: |
| Carla wrote: |
| According to some people here, since I don't need it immediately, my son will never ever need it and I have no right to it. |
If you don't need the money, you don't need the money. Is there some special reason you feel entitled to something extra simply because you chose to take responsibility for a child all to yourself and have the means to do so? |
This is pretty much what I was thinking too.
Also, I am not sure where you are from, but in Canada, you cannot take a child out of the country without the other parent's permission. I would have stopped you from doing it until more reasonable financial terms were met. We all know how the courts are 100% in favor of the woman. ALWAYS.
So why exactly do you need child support, if in reality you don't need the support? |
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grant_steves
Joined: 26 Oct 2010
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 12:42 am Post subject: |
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| Carla wrote: |
| Trust me, I am due $300 a month, and I get about $150 every 2 or 3 months if I am lucky. I am definately not telling someone not to pay. |
You definitely need to learn to spell definitely. |
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Carla
Joined: 21 Nov 2008
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 1:08 am Post subject: |
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| geldedgoat wrote: |
| Carla wrote: |
| geldedgoat wrote: |
Two points:
1) No one deserves money he doesn't need. If the child doesn't need additional financial support, then the non-custodial parent should not be forced to pay anything.
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So your salary at work should be based on what you need? Not on what you deserve? Good to know.
But yes, a child DESERVES to be supported by BOTH parents. |
Well, I guess I should have worded that better, though I think the intention is clear. How about this: No welfare recipient deserves welfare he doesn't need. |
I'm not talking about welfare. I'm talking about a FATHER taking care of his CHILD. |
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Carla
Joined: 21 Nov 2008
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 1:09 am Post subject: |
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| grant_steves wrote: |
| Carla wrote: |
| Trust me, I am due $300 a month, and I get about $150 every 2 or 3 months if I am lucky. I am definately not telling someone not to pay. |
You definitely need to learn to spell definitely. |
Oh boohoo, yu caut a spaelling mistook. My laif is ovur. |
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geldedgoat
Joined: 05 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 1:11 am Post subject: |
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| Carla wrote: |
| I'm not talking about welfare. I'm talking about a FATHER taking care of his CHILD. |
You're not? Well I was. I was talking about child support, which is most definitely a form of welfare. |
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mc_jc
Joined: 13 Aug 2009
Location: C4B- Cp Red Cloud, Area-I
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 1:21 am Post subject: |
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It truly depends on the state and how willing they are to go after you. If she is collecting welfare and/or other benefits to support the child (IE, EBT, Medicaid or WIC), chances are that even if she stops the child support order against the OP, the state Child Support Enforcement Agency might still pursue it.
If the woman or the state are anal about getting their money- not only could HHS stop you from getting a passport renewed or re-issued, but a non-payment report might compel a judge to issue an arrest warrant on you, so you might be arrested upon re-entering the US.
In some states, it is not uncommon for "dead-beat dads" to be arrested for non-payment of child support until they make arrangements for payment.
If you lose your passport, it gets stolen or you have to renew it, an alert would go to the embassy to refuse the passport renewal and you would be forced to leave- which will leave you at the mercy of law enforcement.
Point is- get it taken care of. |
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Dazed and Confused
Joined: 10 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 1:32 am Post subject: |
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| If you have no wish to pay child support and feel, for whatever reason, you will not be a part of this child's life then why don't you terminate your parental rights? I know it is an awful thing to say but it will keep you from being chased down and your wages garnished, passport denied, whatever... |
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Carla
Joined: 21 Nov 2008
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 2:07 am Post subject: |
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| geldedgoat wrote: |
| Carla wrote: |
| According to some people here, since I don't need it immediately, my son will never ever need it and I have no right to it. |
If you don't need the money, you don't need the money. Is there some special reason you feel entitled to something extra simply because you chose to take responsibility for a child all to yourself and have the means to do so? |
What is extra? I work hard for what I have. Why should I pay for everything and the father pay for nothing? So many dead beats on these boards I see. I wonder how many people (women do it too) are in Korea just to avoid child support? |
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Carla
Joined: 21 Nov 2008
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 2:11 am Post subject: |
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| Mr. Pink wrote: |
| geldedgoat wrote: |
| Carla wrote: |
| According to some people here, since I don't need it immediately, my son will never ever need it and I have no right to it. |
If you don't need the money, you don't need the money. Is there some special reason you feel entitled to something extra simply because you chose to take responsibility for a child all to yourself and have the means to do so? |
This is pretty much what I was thinking too.
Also, I am not sure where you are from, but in Canada, you cannot take a child out of the country without the other parent's permission. I would have stopped you from doing it until more reasonable financial terms were met. We all know how the courts are 100% in favor of the woman. ALWAYS.
So why exactly do you need child support, if in reality you don't need the support? |
In America (where I am from) whoever has legal custody of the child (if it is not shared) can take the child where they want. I have sole legal and physical custody.
It's nice to know you would have held your child as a hostage UNTIL you were compensated with money. What exactly is the value of a child?
As for why I need child support, I've already answered that. |
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Carla
Joined: 21 Nov 2008
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 2:13 am Post subject: |
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| geldedgoat wrote: |
| Carla wrote: |
| I'm not talking about welfare. I'm talking about a FATHER taking care of his CHILD. |
You're not? Well I was. I was talking about child support, which is most definitely a form of welfare. |
"Two points:
1) No one deserves money he doesn't need. If the child doesn't need additional financial support, then the non-custodial parent should not be forced to pay anything. "
You said non-custodial parent. That is not welfare. |
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Mr. Pink
Joined: 21 Oct 2003
Location: China
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 2:22 am Post subject: |
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| Carla wrote: |
| Mr. Pink wrote: |
| geldedgoat wrote: |
| Carla wrote: |
| According to some people here, since I don't need it immediately, my son will never ever need it and I have no right to it. |
If you don't need the money, you don't need the money. Is there some special reason you feel entitled to something extra simply because you chose to take responsibility for a child all to yourself and have the means to do so? |
This is pretty much what I was thinking too.
Also, I am not sure where you are from, but in Canada, you cannot take a child out of the country without the other parent's permission. I would have stopped you from doing it until more reasonable financial terms were met. We all know how the courts are 100% in favor of the woman. ALWAYS.
So why exactly do you need child support, if in reality you don't need the support? |
In America (where I am from) whoever has legal custody of the child (if it is not shared) can take the child where they want. I have sole legal and physical custody.
It's nice to know you would have held your child as a hostage UNTIL you were compensated with money. What exactly is the value of a child?
As for why I need child support, I've already answered that. |
If you had been clear that it was only $300 a month and you rarely get it, people would have been more understanding. I was thinking $650 that the OP pays was low end, so perhaps you were getting $1000+ a month. I love my daughter, but there is no way I'd pay that in child support AND let my wife (who would be EX in that situation) take the kid out of the country.
Yes, there are deadbeat dads out there, but there are also crazy women too who use the system and the kids to get revenge. It goes both ways. If I were ever to split, I'd fight for custody, and I wouldn't mind if it was shared. I just know my brain cannot handle the idea of forking over money for something I get no benefit from...like making car payments and never driving the car.
The OP is in a bind. Usually I wish I was born 100 miles south of where I was...but in this situation, Canada has nothing in place to stop you from getting a new passport outside having an outstanding warrant in place, and they won't issue that solely for not paying child support.
Good luck OP. |
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Carla
Joined: 21 Nov 2008
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 2:57 am Post subject: |
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I see a lot of members of the He-Man Woman haters club on this thread. I don't understand why people think I should spend every penny and have no savings while the father gets to play and have fun and "drive his car."
Anyway, have fun. I'm out. |
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geldedgoat
Joined: 05 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 3:19 am Post subject: |
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| Carla wrote: |
| What is extra? I work hard for what I have. Why should I pay for everything and the father pay for nothing? |
You said you have "sole legal and physical custody" and so can do whatever the hell you want with your child. The father has absolutely no say in your child's upbringing unless you choose to give it to him. That was a responsibility you chose to pursue; no one forced it on you. You could have shared custody. You could have given sole custody to the father. You could have put the child up for adoption. There were plenty of other options available to you if the financial burden of having complete power over your child's life was too much to bear.
Let me ask you a question: why should the father pay for anything when he has no claim to his child and the child is not in need of anything?
| Quote: |
| You said non-custodial parent. That is not welfare. |
Child support is financial support given to another in need. That is the definition of welfare. I'm sorry if that hurts your ego, but if you accept child support payments from your ex, you are receiving welfare payments.
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| It's nice to know you would have held your child as a hostage UNTIL you were compensated with money. |
You have that backwards. Mr. Pink said if he did not have custody of his child, was forced to make unreasonable child support payments, and the mother tried to leave the country with his child, he would exercise his right to keep his child in Canada until the mother conceded to something more reasonable. In his hypothetical, the mother is the one seeking monetary compensation.
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| I see a lot of members of the He-Man Woman haters club on this thread. |
I don't hate women. I'm also not a deadbeat dad (and never would be). I am, however, an opponent of the imbalances in the justice system, and it just so happens that in the case of child support (custody in general) that imbalance leans in the mother's favor.
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| I don't understand why people think I should spend every penny and have no savings while the father gets to play and have fun and "drive his car." |
You have the same option as the father to abandon responsibility and keep your money to yourself. If it bothers you that much, give up your parental rights, responsibilities, and burdens at an orphanage (that is, if you can't give them to the father first). |
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CentralCali
Joined: 17 May 2007
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 3:29 am Post subject: |
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| Central_cali- are you saying that a mother who raises her son to hate his father is not TOTALLY FREAKIN' NUTS???? I mean who's professional opinion do you want to bring in? Otherwise, good point about making a bad name for co-workers. Hadn't thought of that. |
Whose professional opinion? Why, a court-sanctioned mental health professional, of course. Maybe the father should be hated. Maybe the mother should be hated. Maybe both should be. Maybe neither one should be. But if someone's going to blow off a court order, maybe, just maybe it might not be a good idea to make that decision in a fit of pique.
Yeah, it's a good point. Really, how many more ways do those of us not breaking the law here need to be tarred because some other American decided to blow off his responsibilities?
| Dazed and Confused wrote: |
| If you have no wish to pay child support and feel, for whatever reason, you will not be a part of this child's life then why don't you terminate your parental rights? I know it is an awful thing to say but it will keep you from being chased down and your wages garnished, passport denied, whatever... |
That might not be a bad idea; however, he still might be on the hook for the child support. If the mother has sole legal rights, the father's effectively had his parental rights terminated. And child support is not welfare; it's not meant to keep the kid merely from starving. The theory--at least the way I've heard it explained--is that the money is to ensure the custodial parent can continue to have the child living the standard the child was accustomed to prior to the divorce.
Here's an idea for the OP: Before you screw things up beyond recognition, check with an actual lawyer. The comments in this thread from both the OP and some other individuals are emotionally-charged attacks on the court system. So, the court issued an order that you disagree with. Tough. Instead of running somewhere (like to Korea, which might not even let you enter on a working visa if they know you have spent time in a psychiatric ward), do as I suggested upthread: legally and maturely petition the court to adjust the order. You very well may be surprised, in a good way, at the result. Ignoring the court order will not be a good surprise for you. |
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nikki15
Joined: 02 Jun 2010
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| Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 4:57 am Post subject: |
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| s10czar wrote: |
great responses continue, so thanks again
Nikki15...you're making a moral arguement. That demands credibility. Are you a parent? If not then put a cork in it. Your sentimental ideas about parenthood are just that...sentimental ideas. That crap goes out the window when the court steps in and it gets really really ugly. If you are a parent, add some color.
Thanks again |
Maybe I am being a little too 'moralistic' or judgmental but you posted this publicly, so you have to expect these kinds of responses.
I am speaking from experience. I am speaking from the experience of a child who watched her mother suffer trying to take care of two children because my father wouldn't pay child support. Is this experience not valid?
It's expensive to take care of a baby. And, you need to realize that it's not the grandparent�s responsibility to financially support your son. How is this so morally driven? Isn't it just being realistic and kind of common sense?
I don't need to be a mother to know that a father should pay support (or visa versa in other situations). And, I don't think you should be risking some serious issues with passports, deportation, etc. Yes, given the situation it sucks and probably isn't or doesn't seem fair, but such is life.
I'm sorry, but someone needs to think of the child in this situation.
A) You don't want to pay support
B) You want to move across the world and not even see him
C) If your ex is 'crazy' you are willing to move across the world and leave your child with her?
I�m not trying to stand up for your ex here, no parent should take a child away from their other parent and threaten the things she has. I am simply trying to look out for your child and a possible relationship between you and your child that could be severely affected by this decision.
I realize that courts favour the mother in almost every situation, but a father has rights too, and unless there are some extreme circumstances that make you an unfit parent, you have rights to see your child. If you think you are paying too much, you can also get payments lowered if your finances aren't in order, or you just aren't making enough money.
I really think you just need to decide now if you want to be a part of this child�s life or not. If not, than fine, don�t pay child support but save yourself the hassle of all of these legal issues and deny any of your parental rights. If you do want to be a part of this child�s life, why are you running away to Korea? And why wouldn�t you want to help out?
I also agree with Dazed and Confused who asked why the mother should be spending all her money on raising the child while you get a free ride? Are you that selfish of a person? |
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