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Vagabundo
Joined: 26 Aug 2010
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 Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 6:16 am Post subject: |
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| zenbone wrote: |
| so what if you just reply to the berating sarcastically or say something like Yes i am? i am fat and older... i lift a ton of weights and am active but i am fat. i have thick skin and don't really let much bother me. But i am not usually one to just shrug off a direct attack. Would it be out of line to reply "and you're to skinny" or in the case of the teacher saying the person would be faster if they lost weight i would be apt to reply "yeah and if i was taller i would be better at basketball". Would this get me pulled into an office and scolded? |
I'm all for confrontation, especially with big mouthed, arrogant and aggressive adjosshis, but in this case you are talking about co workers or people who are meeting you or know you. They're not being mean or nasty.
They're trying to be somewhat nice, or better said, 'Helpful' in a positive way.. the way Koreans think of these things. (you can also observe the manner in which it's said, their expression, etc)
if it's being said innocently by newlymets or coworkers you should allow it to slide off your back. With time, you'll have more room to manouver around or even eventually confront such comments. |
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zenbone
Joined: 26 Jun 2010
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| Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 6:21 am Post subject: |
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| i am not really confrontational but often say things with a hint of sarcasm. but in the workplace or if someone is joking i laugh at myself more than anyone. I understand what you mean completely. thanks. |
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Vagabundo
Joined: 26 Aug 2010
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| Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 7:11 am Post subject: |
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| zenbone wrote: |
| i am not really confrontational but often say things with a hint of sarcasm. but in the workplace or if someone is joking i laugh at myself more than anyone. I understand what you mean completely. thanks. |
I'm the same way. I like being sarcastic.
tread with caution with Koreans on this, they don't immediately get sarcasm, their appreciation and definition of "comedy' and things funny/amusing is still stuck at the "gag" level, like ours was back at the time of the Three Stooges. Just check out most Korean comedy or variety shows.
However, once you get on good terms with a Korean, and your relationship develops, you can start cluing them in on some of your sarcastic comments and they may even appreciate or get in on the joke.
when the won was at 1600 to 1, I told my VP that I was "working for free". When he tilted his head in that quizzical Korean/Japanese male manner, I explained to him the "joke". He'd tell me I was working for free everytime the won got noticeably weak again and laugh along with me. (bear in mind by this time we were on very good terms, and when I made the comment, I was laughing, not kvetching/bitching/whining) |
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earthquakez
Joined: 10 Nov 2010
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| Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 12:04 am Post subject: |
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Just because Koreans generally are nosey and feel free to make observations about others' appearances, doesn't mean foreigners have to tolerate comments about weight. I've found that the Korean co-workers and others who think it's their right to comment on your personal appearance would be stunned if you commented on their physical shortcomings. 
It does depend on your relationship with the person as to how you should react. I've told nice Korean English teachers that it's not acceptable in most English speakers' cultures to make comments to people about their appearance if they are not close friends or family. I've also told them that Koreans who do this to strangers certainly would get a bad reaction outside Korea, and that this kind of behaviour is considered childish when it's not offensive.
Foreign women teachers sometimes encounter Korean male rudeness and lack of sensitivity re weight. I've heard women complain about Korean male teachers who are not really on friendly terms with them but feel free to comment on their weight.
Again, it's not like the Koreans making these comments look like models or are perfect themselves. One of my friends worked at a school where one short, stumpy English teacher kept advising her to lose weight although nobody but chauvinistic male Koreans would think she is overweight. The students always called him 'Ugly' behind his back but there he was persistently telling a foreigner how she should look. In the end she told him that in her country comments like that were made by children with no sense of good manners.
I don't care about Korean kids in my classes commenting. Often it's a sign they feel comfortable with you. It's fairly obvious when a few are being rude, others are just speaking their mind as kids do. |
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RMNC
Joined: 21 Jul 2010
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| Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 1:25 am Post subject: |
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Actually, I've heard it works well, if someone comments on your negative appearance, to play the dumb foreigner card and go "Oh, thank you, your face is very large".
Not even joking. |
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Vagabundo
Joined: 26 Aug 2010
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| Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 4:47 am Post subject: |
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| RMNC wrote: |
Actually, I've heard it works well, if someone comments on your negative appearance, to play the dumb foreigner card and go "Oh, thank you, your face is very large".
Not even joking. |
face? or head? |
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RMNC
Joined: 21 Jul 2010
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| Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 5:23 am Post subject: |
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| Well Koreans are more insane about the face, but either would work. |
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dmsarchet
Joined: 04 Jul 2010
Location: Lynchburg, Va
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| Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 5:35 am Post subject: Fat vs Beautiful |
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| I want to be completely honest with you. I am 5 feet and 4 inches and I am 165 Ibs. Now I want to tell you that this weight is all in the right places, I have big boobs and a big butt, yes I do need to lose a little weight. I'm not a skinny Korean who doesn't have an ounce of fat on her bones. It has been a huge struggle for coming out here for me. I wasn't expecting it, I'm used to turning heads in America and being comfortable with my weight and who I am in Christ. I haven't been told yet that I'm fat, I have been asked if I'm pregnant, probably because they are not sure. Truth be told that this country is vain and most of my students don't understand inside beauty. But when it comes down to it, I am a much more content person than my skinny korean peeps. I love my body, my husband LOVES my body, and its ok to have meat on the bones. Embrace who you are, don't let Koreans or coworkers make you feel bad. I'm not going to lie its tough, but I'm really learning to love my body, curves and all. Its tough but I believe you can do it! Beauty isn't all about how you look, and for some reason many Koreans just don't get that. If you ever want to talk more about it let me know! |
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RMNC
Joined: 21 Jul 2010
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| Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2010 5:42 am Post subject: |
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D, decision: Have you MADE your DECISION for CHRIST
And action. |
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TheUrbanMyth
Joined: 28 Jan 2003
Location: Retired
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| Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 1:52 am Post subject: |
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| If a Korean person (or someone of any nationality) comments on your physical appearance in what would be considered a rude manner, why lash back with a sarcastic comment? Why not simply explain that in your culture these kind of comments are considered taboo and you would appreciate not hearing them again? Then if the person brings it up again...well he's had fair warning and you did try initially to resolve it in an adult fashion. |
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Carla
Joined: 21 Nov 2008
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| Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 5:33 am Post subject: |
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| TheUrbanMyth wrote: |
| If a Korean person (or someone of any nationality) comments on your physical appearance in what would be considered a rude manner, why lash back with a sarcastic comment? Why not simply explain that in your culture these kind of comments are considered taboo and you would appreciate not hearing them again? Then if the person brings it up again...well he's had fair warning and you did try initially to resolve it in an adult fashion. |
TUM is wise. Heed his wisdom.  |
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Troglodyte
Joined: 06 Dec 2009
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| Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 5:55 am Post subject: Re: Fat vs Beautiful |
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| dmsarchet wrote: |
I want to be completely honest with you. I am 5 feet and 4 inches and I am 165 Ibs. Now I want to tell you that this weight is all in the right places, I have big boobs and a big butt, yes I do need to lose a little weight.
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That reminds me of the first time I came to Korea. I used to be into body building back then. At my first job, I was working at a kids hogwan. One time someone in a class mentioned that I was fat. I thought for sure he was joking. It was summer, so I wore short sleeved shirts and the kids could see my arms. Since I didn't flex my muscles or show them off, he thought that it was just body fat. Quickly I learned that the rest of the kids also thought that I was fat. I was a bit shocked, but mainly amused. So, I flexed my arms and let them feel that it really was muscle and not fat. At that point their opinion did a 180 and they were quite impressed. Later I mentioned to one of the teachers in the staff room that the kids thought I was fat. I thought that she'd get a kick out of it and find it just as funny as I did. Another shock! She said that actually the teachers had also noticed that I was fat but just didn't want to say anything because I might be insulted. I couldn't believe it. All along they had thought that I was fat. So I flexed for her and proved that it wasn't fat. Funnily enough, the staff was just as awestruck as the kids.
I think that Koreans find skinny attractive, and anorexic extremely attractive. From what I've heard from women, the girls tend to prefer a skinny guy over a muscular guy. It seems that they like a little muscle to show but not much.
I think it might be something about their metabolism though. Not just a cultural preference. Most of the Korean body builders that I've met had a hard time gaining weight. It's not that they were weak. They just seemed to have a hard time bulking up. |
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Carla
Joined: 21 Nov 2008
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| Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 6:01 am Post subject: Re: Fat vs Beautiful |
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| Troglodyte wrote: |
I think that Koreans find skinny attractive, and anorexic extremely attractive. From what I've heard from women, the girls tend to prefer a skinny guy over a muscular guy. It seems that they like a little muscle to show but not much.
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I've been told that the main reason for this is because really skinny guys look better in a suit than muscular guys. The muscular guys just look fat in a suit.
I do find a bit of truth in that myself. A suit adds, what, 3 layers to a guy. An undershirt, a dress shirt, and the jacket (which is really thick). |
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Vagabundo
Joined: 26 Aug 2010
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| Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:11 am Post subject: Re: Fat vs Beautiful |
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[quote="Troglodyte"]
| dmsarchet wrote: |
I want to be completely honest with you. I am 5 feet and 4 inches and I am 165 Ibs. Now I want to tell you that this weight is all in the right places, I have big boobs and a big butt, yes I do need to lose a little weight.
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hey,, if your husband likes it, that's all that matters, but you need to be a good 3 inches taller for that kind of weight to look good, even on a larger frame.
| Quote: |
I think that Koreans find skinny attractive, and anorexic extremely attractive. From what I've heard from women, the girls tend to prefer a skinny guy over a muscular guy. It seems that they like a little muscle to show but not much. |
this is a changing, especially on the male side. The guys are into bigger and more muscular, though for the girls, a 6 pack is de rigeour.
| Quote: |
I think it might be something about their metabolism though. Not just a cultural preference. Most of the Korean body builders that I've met had a hard time gaining weight. It's not that they were weak. They just seemed to have a hard time bulking up. |
there may be a genetic/ethnic component, but I'd bet most of the blame lies in their lack of knowledge about bodybuilding nutrition, especially the critical importance of protein intake. A typical Korean diet is woefully lacking in protein. (for mass building purposes) |
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nomad-ish
Joined: 08 Oct 2007
Location: On the bottom of the food chain
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| Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 3:12 pm Post subject: |
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| Vagabundo wrote: |
| RMNC wrote: |
Actually, I've heard it works well, if someone comments on your negative appearance, to play the dumb foreigner card and go "Oh, thank you, your face is very large".
Not even joking. |
face? or head? |
face.
though i'd be careful with this -- a lot of korean women can be very sensitive about this. |
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