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Poker
Joined: 16 Jan 2010
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 Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 4:27 am Post subject: If I married a Korean woman.... |
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what are my dowry obligations as a non-Korean?
Apparently for Koreans it's one big animal. A very complex and sensitive issue. I am not planning on marrying soon but a heads up would prevent some complications further down the line.
So specifically for the groom, we provide the house, yes? Or could it be split 50:50. Housing prices are a bit too high for a GET these days 
Can we rent rather? Or does that cause the bride's family from "losing face?"
Any non-Koreans that went through Korean marriage style "gift giving", (a very costly affair apparently) please do share too. Thanks 
The quote below describes, to some extent, what happens when 2 Koreans marry.  All I can say is... glad I'm not Korean! lol
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Honestly, one of the reasons why I delayed getting engaged was the dreaded gift giving expectations associated with marrying a Korean. I've observed KoreAms are far more traditional than FOBS, and the traditional culture highly favors Korean males. Sadly, I've had friends who abruptly ended engagements because the honsu/wedding dowry wasn't sufficient for the groom's family.
Ultimately, these antiquated practices only apply if the groom is highly successful (as Korean ahjumah's define as dr, lawyer, investment banker, ivy league educated, etc). If he falls into this definition, his family will expect:
1) Three Keys - one key for house, one key for new car, and one key for office/bank deposit box : If you live in a metropolitan area, this is not reasonable as very few people have the cash to buy all these items.
AND/OR
2) Watch - giving a watch, is like giving the ring. You are expected to give a watch as luxurious as the engagement ring you received
3) Gifts for his entire, extended family TREE - jewelry (ruby, sapphire, emerald) and hand bag (Chanel, Hermes) to his mom, custom made suits for the uncles, brothers, father, etc.
4) Cash - my friends who recently got engaged had to exchange "balance sheets" at the engagement ceremony for both sets of parents to review. One friend was excommunicated from his family because the bride didn't appropriately disclose her financial condition. CRAJEE!
There's the saying if a Korean man has three daughters, the three pillars of his house will collapse - because you have to send your daughter off to get married (since women were considered a burden assumed by the groom's family), requires a fortune!
What does the Bride Get? There's a hahm party. Again, the bride's party is expected to host and pay for dinner/drinks, but the groom's party arrives to the party late with a treasure chest full of jewelry and presents for the bride from the groom's family. The bride's father is expected to provide cash to "bribe" the groom's party to hand over the hahm.
Who pays for the wedding? Traditionally, the BRIDE's FAMILY. I had a friend and the groom's family refused to support the wedding if they had to pay for the wedding. It was this huge fight. Ultimately, the bride (my friend) threatened to break off the engagement unless the groom's family paid for part of wedding. Ultimately, the bride's parents paid 50%, groom paid 25% and the groom's parents paid 25%.
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hondaicivic
Joined: 01 Jul 2010
Location: Daegu, South Korea
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| Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 5:46 am Post subject: Re: If I married a Korean woman.... |
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| Poker wrote: |
what are my dowry obligations as a non-Korean?
Apparently for Koreans it's one big animal. A very complex and sensitive issue. I am not planning on marrying soon but a heads up would prevent some complications further down the line.
So specifically for the groom, we provide the house, yes? Or could it be split 50:50. Housing prices are a bit too high for a GET these days
Can we rent rather? Or does that cause the bride's family from "losing face?"
Any non-Koreans that went through Korean marriage style "gift giving", (a very costly affair apparently) please do share too. Thanks
The quote below describes, to some extent, what happens when 2 Koreans marry. All I can say is... glad I'm not Korean! lol
| Quote: |
Honestly, one of the reasons why I delayed getting engaged was the dreaded gift giving expectations associated with marrying a Korean. I've observed KoreAms are far more traditional than FOBS, and the traditional culture highly favors Korean males. Sadly, I've had friends who abruptly ended engagements because the honsu/wedding dowry wasn't sufficient for the groom's family.
Ultimately, these antiquated practices only apply if the groom is highly successful (as Korean ahjumah's define as dr, lawyer, investment banker, ivy league educated, etc). If he falls into this definition, his family will expect:
1) Three Keys - one key for house, one key for new car, and one key for office/bank deposit box : If you live in a metropolitan area, this is not reasonable as very few people have the cash to buy all these items.
AND/OR
2) Watch - giving a watch, is like giving the ring. You are expected to give a watch as luxurious as the engagement ring you received
3) Gifts for his entire, extended family TREE - jewelry (ruby, sapphire, emerald) and hand bag (Chanel, Hermes) to his mom, custom made suits for the uncles, brothers, father, etc.
4) Cash - my friends who recently got engaged had to exchange "balance sheets" at the engagement ceremony for both sets of parents to review. One friend was excommunicated from his family because the bride didn't appropriately disclose her financial condition. CRAJEE!
There's the saying if a Korean man has three daughters, the three pillars of his house will collapse - because you have to send your daughter off to get married (since women were considered a burden assumed by the groom's family), requires a fortune!
What does the Bride Get? There's a hahm party. Again, the bride's party is expected to host and pay for dinner/drinks, but the groom's party arrives to the party late with a treasure chest full of jewelry and presents for the bride from the groom's family. The bride's father is expected to provide cash to "bribe" the groom's party to hand over the hahm.
Who pays for the wedding? Traditionally, the BRIDE's FAMILY. I had a friend and the groom's family refused to support the wedding if they had to pay for the wedding. It was this huge fight. Ultimately, the bride (my friend) threatened to break off the engagement unless the groom's family paid for part of wedding. Ultimately, the bride's parents paid 50%, groom paid 25% and the groom's parents paid 25%.
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do yourself a favor......don't |
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Died By Bear
Joined: 13 Jul 2010
Location: On the big lake they call Gitche Gumee
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| Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 5:50 am Post subject: |
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It's not a wise move.
Last edited by Died By Bear on Tue Dec 07, 2010 3:45 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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movybuf
Joined: 01 Jan 2007
Location: Mokdong
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| Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 6:14 am Post subject: |
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| I didn't do any of that stuff when I got married. These things need to be discussed before any plans are made. |
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cdninkorea
Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 6:56 am Post subject: |
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| It depends on the family. My now-father in law initially expressed concern that I wouldn't be buying an apartment, but seemed satisfied when I said that my workplace provides a nice apartment, there are lots of jobs in my field, and I'm pursuing an MA to ensure future employability. |
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cragesmure
Joined: 23 Oct 2010
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| Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 8:27 am Post subject: |
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| I think as long as you have enough cash to buy her a massive sun visor and floral parachute pants when she hits the age of the ajumma, you should be sweet. |
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giraffe
Joined: 07 Apr 2009
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| Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 10:30 am Post subject: |
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^ that was funny =p..
Umm I'd say it all depends who you marry and what you all agree / want to do! I bet the majority of foreigners + korean marriage dont end up doing that whole dowry gifts and what not.... Unless you're marrying some rich korean girl with crazy strict traditional parents =p.
In my case, we didn't do any dowry gift exchanges. Also we live abroad in Canada soo we rent, I don't own a car etc. Her parents visited us here and they never say anything about me having to buy a house and what not. I just provide 100% for my wife , pay rent , food , bills , furniture etc.. I've never asked her to pay anything. I'm just really greatful that my parents inlaw paid for our wedding =p.
Ultimately It depends who's family you marry. |
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Meenam
Joined: 16 Sep 2009
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| Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 2:15 pm Post subject: |
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| Frenetic wrote: |
| Yes my habbibi, don't do it because it's a lot more trouble than it's worth. |
Not sure if you are referring to the gift giving, or marriage as a whole. If it's the latter, I disagree.
My wife and I, like others here, didn't bother with the gift giving. Well...at least not in the traditional sense. Her parents did buy me a watch, but that was really all. We were married, and still reside in the states, but her parents have never once made mention of the fact that we are renting, rather than owning a home. @ the OP, seriously, i wouldnt' sweat it too much. If it really worries you so much, just ask whoever you are dating/plan to date. It's really going to be a case by case type thing. Some people (by that I mean parents) are more traditional and will be loath to part from the norm. However, my thought is that if the parents are open minded enough to allow their precious daughter date/marry a foreigner, chances are they aren't going to hold you to the same expectations as if you were a Korean. Just my opinion though. |
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Fox
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 3:29 pm Post subject: |
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My wife and I dodged the tiresome wedding ceremony entirely. Her mother was okay with it, and her brothers tolerated it, but her sister called her up and screamed angrily at her until she hung up. Since then it hasn't been a problem, though, and it didn't cause any problems between us.
Just make sure your spouse loves you enough to be willing to face some heat (which she should if you're going to marry her), and then do what you think is right. |
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MattAwesome
Joined: 30 Jun 2008
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| Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 4:33 pm Post subject: |
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That seems a little ridiculous. Where did you get this information. My coworker got married recently and as far as i know. the only real exchange was, the man bought an apartment, and the woman furnished it. guests at the wedding paid some moneys.
that seems very reasonable. |
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J Rock
Joined: 17 Jan 2009
Location: The center of the Earth, Suji
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| Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 5:42 pm Post subject: |
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| cragesmure wrote: |
| I think as long as you have enough cash to buy her a massive sun visor and floral parachute pants when she hits the age of the ajumma, you should be sweet. |
Why wait till she's old make her rock that sun visor now! |
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youtuber
Joined: 13 Sep 2009
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| Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 6:54 pm Post subject: |
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| Don't do it. |
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Dazed and Confused
Joined: 10 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 11:18 pm Post subject: |
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When I married my Korean husband we told his family how much money we had and that we wouldn't be giving alot of traditional gifts and such. We didn't exchange watches because we don't wear them. We didn't give silk hanboks because his mother and sister's already had very nice ones. We didn't get a car because we had a 10 year old Kia pride that worked just fine!  I wanted a Ham box but my husband woudn't go for it. We didn't have a traditional ceremoney either because my husband's father and father's family have been estranged for years and years.
There were some things we did have. We had a FANTASTIC cake, unity candle, string trio, and I did the something old, borrowed, new, blue. |
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Died By Bear
Joined: 13 Jul 2010
Location: On the big lake they call Gitche Gumee
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| Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2010 4:19 pm Post subject: |
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*Scottish or Irish* accent, you choose:
Freeeeeeeeddooooommmm |
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travel zen
Joined: 22 Feb 2005
Location: Good old Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2010 5:50 pm Post subject: |
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have you seen The Fiddler on the Roof?
"TRADITION !" |
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