Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Honooko]

Hi guys,

Backstory: I work for a very tiny hagwon in Ansan. We have two branches; 4 days a week I teach at one, and one day a week I teach at the other. The second school is in Wadong, the poorest neighborhood in Ansan. None of the kids have very nice home lives, but they are generally happy, fed, and clothed.

Today, one of my students walked up to me and pointed at her face. She had an enormous, multi-colored bruise on the side of her face, covering most of her cheek. She told me, "Teacher, yesterday? Father, hit!" and mimed punching herself in the face. She repeated variations of this when I looked at her in total shock, to make sure I understood. She seemed to think it was kind of funny that she'd been punched in the face by her father. I asked her why he hit her, and she said, "Me, brother hit! So, father me hit!"

This girl is 9 years old.

I understand that Korea is more or less okay with mild corporal punishment (although thankfully changing) but this wasn't a spanking. She wasn't even slapped; this is a punch bruise. She was punched in the face by her father.

Tomorrow, I will be teaching at the main school where my boss is. I sent her a text message the very second class finished about it, but she didn't respond. I'm going to discuss it with her further tomorrow, but I'm worried that she will decide to leave it be because she doesn't want to lose the family's business.

Is there anything I can do about this? I'm also worried that if I call the police and they simply warn the father or something that he may get angry and beat her worse for it.

Basically, any advice on how to handle this would be appreciated, because I really don't know what to do.

[Skippy]

Carefully - remember you are not in Kansas anymore Toto. Trying to help and raising a stink can all sorts of problems from stupid nationalistic thoughts/feelings(thats okay we can hit our children, it how we raise them) to dealing with lawyers and laws (OH the teacher hit her - WHAT!)

First advice is raise this with your fellow Korean coteacher and coworkers. Ask what they have done and what they think. Try not to let them drop if right away. Bring it up a few times. But if you see nothing happening after a time let it drop. Another piece of advice is take a picture, keep records of who you told and when. So if anything does come up you can say I tried!

Good Luck and my sympathies!

[Honooko]

[Skippy]

[earthquakez]

Look, I understand your compassion. I have it too but not only in Korea but other places in Asia I've taught (Japan and Taiwan that are milder on this kind of behaviour towards kids), the foreigner often will not succeed in doing anything but causing a perceived loss of face for all adults involved. Not just the kid concerned's father/mother.

In Korea we are not seen as equal by most people. We are not regarded as having the right to get involved in these matters. Believe me, the kid's Korean teachers will have seen the damage done. If something is going to get done, they will notify the police or whoever. Don't bank on it happening.

There are numerous instances I could give you of sharply defined cases in Asia where the foreigner as outsider has no right at all to even think of getting involved. Society in Korea is governed by the notion of everybody knowing their place.

When you know that it explains the coldness shown to many foreigners who go out of their way for Korean students and sometimes their parents. We are not part of the whole reciprocal/obligation rules and that can be shown in what seems an incredibly ungrateful, using attitude to foreigners in Korea when they are generous. That's just an unspoken rule at work.

As another thread showed, there are foreigners (particularly kypos) who can't accept this and will jump in to 'defend' Koreans by refusing to see that snubs are normal here because we don't really have a place unless we are married to a Korean or have Korean ethnicity. Even then that will be conditional in some cases.

I say this with no ill will towards Koreans. They make the rules and foreigners whom they see as transitory and largely irrelevant to society or an intrusion on society generally will be shown this. The fact that a lot of them don't pick this up doesn't make it any less true. When you want to genuinely help with a difficult situation like this, don't blame yourself for not being able to do more. Mention it to Korean teachers. But I repeat they already will have seen it.

If something is going to happen, it will happen through the Korean teachers. I personally witnessed a few similar things at my old school and 'notified' an English speaking teacher. But they had already observed it and in all three cases the Korean homeroom teacher had decided it was not their place to 'interfere'. You can do more if you personally witness it but again it will depend on Koreans how far the matter goes.

In the case of a kid or older student telling you about sexual abuse then yes, you can be more persistent. But again the response to this will not be yours to make and you might even find yourself obstructed more because of the greater loss of face involved in a more serious crime.

[Honooko]

[calicoe]

earthquakez is spot on. I have lived in Asia for more than 6 years now, and this is true not only in Korea.

But, I know exactly how you feel, and I understand your instinct. I try to do the best I can for that child by showing them compassion and understanding, and being the ear that they need, and possibly the only reflection that helps them understand that it is not their fault.

[earthquakez]

[oldfatfarang]

Good on you OP for worrying about this kid. I find it shocking that many western teachers here simply rationalise away child abuse (by parents and K teachers). Your compassion is not misplaced - no matter what culture you are in - it's not acceptable to hit children.

That said. Other posters are being realistic when they say that any preventative action will be taken by K teachers - away from prying foreigner eyes. The more noise you make - the more this problem will be hidden - and likely continue.

I think your best bet is to show the kid that you care about them. They know it's beyond you power to change Korea - but it does make them feel better to know that you are concerned about them - and that not all adults are abusive.

We all face this dilema - especially PS teachers. I recently read on waygook of a GET seeing blood oozing through a girl students shirt after a thrashing. Once summer comes around have a look at your students legs/calves and arms. Many of them will have nasty weals from beatings by parents and teachers.

Similary, I lost my first job with SMOE (not re-signed) after I refused to sit with a particulary cruel senior female K teacher - and I also refused to teach with a K male SMOE teacher who's classroom violence escalated out of control. Beatings were so common in that SMOE school that I couldn't walk the corridors between classes - and I had to wear an MP3 to stop hearing kids being hit.

Again, recently, 3 senior adjoshi teachers at my rural school stopped saying 'Hi' to me after I told a student that teachers who hit kids in my country are put in jail.

We all know that violence is endemic in Korean society. Beating children is institutionalised in the public/private school systems - and is an accepted child rearing practice here. However, I think that the major benefit (probably the only real benefit) of having 8,500 western teachers in K PS - is that Koreans are being exposed to differing views on childrens' rights etc. That is why many PS schools don't hit/beat students in view of their GET - as they know that this makes Korea look underdeveloped.

Anyway. If it were me, I'd be speaking (politely) to your co-teacher. The shame of this will get through to the kids parents eventually, but they will likely pull the kid from your class - and you could lose your job.

And here's the problem: is a lousy $2,000 a month enough for you to turn a blind eye to this kid's plight? Sadly, for most western teachers here - it is.

Good luck.

[Slowmotion]

Rumor has it that if you put a cartoon character as your profile picture in facebook, child abuse will stop.

[Kaypea]

[blm]

I don't think you even need to know korean to involve a co worker.

Just walking the child to the next room showing the Korean worker the bruise. Use the word "Upa" would help but not essential. Then let them do their thing.

The above isn't a lot and is really just shifting responsibility it's much better than nothing. It would be innadequate in a western country but you don't speak korean and given the circumstances...

[nathanrutledge]

How do you know the father really did it? I've had plenty of kids make up stories about how they got injured just for fun.

IF the kid has been/is being abused, then the other teachers/people in this child's life have seen it and are in a better position to do something about it. Not trying to diminish this, but as someone else said, you didn't actually see a thing. The MOST you should do is tell your boss what the kid said and make sure the boss talks to the kid about it. Beyond that, you're entering very dangerous territory. The kid is lying for fun, the father gets accused, you get in trouble for it. Libel and slander laws are VERY tough here.

[jvalmer]

If you can't speak the language, there is little you can do other than tell a Korean teacher.

[Kaypea]