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rumdiary
Joined: 05 Jun 2006
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 Posted: Fri Feb 18, 2011 1:54 am Post subject: |
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| My brother was killed in a hit and run accident two years ago while I was in Korea. My family couldn't get a hold of me and called the embassy who in turn called the head teacher at my school. She came over and knocked on my door, but I assumed it was missionaries because nobody ever came over without calling. I was also drinking beer, eating fried chicken and watching LOST in my underwear and couldn't be bothered. The next morning I left for work and saw a note on my door that said I needed to call home right away. I have another brother whose wife was pregnant so I assumed she had had the baby and called home as I walked to work. I was in total shock when I got the news. I just went to work and sat there. When the head teacher came in she asked if everything was okay and I told her my brother was dead. All my coworkers were kind of silently freaking out and looking at one another. I was still in shock and sort of oblivious. Went to class and taught. The director came up later and asked if I needed to go home so I asked her to book me a flight leaving two days later. I don't remember the rest of the day. I went home and drank until I passed out. Went into work the next day. I was brought into the library and all of the kindergarten and preschool students started singing a song they had been working on for graduation. The Korean teachers had called their parents the night before and told them what had happened and that I was leaving. By the end of the song I had about 20 crying students clinging to me as I staggered around numb and hungover. Quickly tried to pack and say goodbye to everyone. Passed out again. Somehow made it to the airport. When I got off the plane my father was crying. That was when everything really hit me and I felt my worst. |
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hondaicivic
Joined: 01 Jul 2010
Location: Daegu, South Korea
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| Posted: Fri Feb 18, 2011 7:27 am Post subject: |
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| rumdiary wrote: |
| My brother was killed in a hit and run accident two years ago while I was in Korea. My family couldn't get a hold of me and called the embassy who in turn called the head teacher at my school. She came over and knocked on my door, but I assumed it was missionaries because nobody ever came over without calling. I was also drinking beer, eating fried chicken and watching LOST in my underwear and couldn't be bothered. The next morning I left for work and saw a note on my door that said I needed to call home right away. I have another brother whose wife was pregnant so I assumed she had had the baby and called home as I walked to work. I was in total shock when I got the news. I just went to work and sat there. When the head teacher came in she asked if everything was okay and I told her my brother was dead. All my coworkers were kind of silently freaking out and looking at one another. I was still in shock and sort of oblivious. Went to class and taught. The director came up later and asked if I needed to go home so I asked her to book me a flight leaving two days later. I don't remember the rest of the day. I went home and drank until I passed out. Went into work the next day. I was brought into the library and all of the kindergarten and preschool students started singing a song they had been working on for graduation. The Korean teachers had called their parents the night before and told them what had happened and that I was leaving. By the end of the song I had about 20 crying students clinging to me as I staggered around numb and hungover. Quickly tried to pack and say goodbye to everyone. Passed out again. Somehow made it to the airport. When I got off the plane my father was crying. That was when everything really hit me and I felt my worst. |
after reading this, I'm giving my family a phone call tomorrow ASAP... |
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Globutron
Joined: 13 Feb 2010
Location: England/Anyang
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| Posted: Fri Feb 18, 2011 7:40 am Post subject: |
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| Ouch. I dropped a tear, imagining myself in that position. No brother but I just figured someone important. |
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allovertheplace
Joined: 02 Aug 2009
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| Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2011 6:39 pm Post subject: |
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This thread makes me sad but somewhat happy at the same time. Terrible to hear the tragedies that have befallen us but happy that we made it through.
Worst time Ive had was I was dumped after a three year relationship (found out while I was on vacation), got home, had to move out of out apartment, give my dog away because I had to move home. Falling apart I moved to Korea to get away from everything and recover. I was doing well then about a month into korea got a phone call at 7 am from my mother telling me my grandfather (who was much more a father) past away suddenly. Then my boss made me go to work. I was literally falling apart but found the courage to be a man and fly home for the funeral and tell him if he wanted me to come back he would leave me alone and let me go home.
Its sometimes terrible news or tragedy that makes us stronger. Before we know how bad things can get we fail to appreciate how good things can be. Breaking up with someone you wanted to marry and losing a father figure made me much stronger but I still wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy. |
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NohopeSeriously
Joined: 17 Jan 2011
Location: The Christian Right-Wing Educational Republic of Korea
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| Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2011 7:30 pm Post subject: |
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Homosexually abused at my middle school by my fellow classmates. Note that this was in Seoul.
I got over it. Just that I don't like to talk to bunch of grown nallali (날라리, or the Korean version of the British chavs). |
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kimiki
Joined: 19 Dec 2008
Location: south korea
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| Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 10:03 am Post subject: |
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i used to think nothing could be worse than living knowing that the woman who gave birth to me had chosen to take her own life rather than spend the rest of it raising me and my siblings. then i thought that nothing could be worse than having her replaced by the most unmaternal, narcissistic, childhating stepmother in the western hemisphere. now i know that simply living with the betrayal of humanity day after day is worse than both of those things.
peace everyone |
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sadguy
Joined: 13 Feb 2011
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| Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 10:20 am Post subject: |
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| NohopeSeriously wrote: |
Homosexually abused at my middle school by my fellow classmates. Note that this was in Seoul.
I got over it. Just that I don't like to talk to bunch of grown nallali (날라리, or the Korean version of the British chavs). |
can u go more into detail? this happened to my gay korean friend. it's actually what made him realize he was gay. |
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redaxe
Joined: 01 Dec 2008
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| Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 9:50 pm Post subject: |
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| jesus christ. reading this thread just made my eyes water up. |
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nukeday
Joined: 13 May 2010
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| Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 10:29 pm Post subject: |
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| kimiki wrote: |
i used to think nothing could be worse than living knowing that the woman who gave birth to me had chosen to take her own life rather than spend the rest of it raising me and my siblings. then i thought that nothing could be worse than having her replaced by the most unmaternal, narcissistic, childhating stepmother in the western hemisphere. now i know that simply living with the betrayal of humanity day after day is worse than both of those things.
peace everyone |
my mom attempted suicide. that was bad. but i think i was too young, around the 3rd grade, for the gravity of it to hit me too hard at the time. it has given me perspective later in life, though. |
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is so delicious
Joined: 28 Apr 2009
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| Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 2:00 am Post subject: |
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Jesus, there is some heavy s hit in this thread. I've been extremely lucky in this regard. Three grandparents dead, none of whom I was close to. Not to sound cold, but it didn't really affect me. Going through a breakup with a Korean girl right now... 2 1/2 year relationship, and pretty much the only serious relationship I've ever been in (I'm 29). A rare (for Koreans) and incredible self-deprecating/sarcastic sense of humor, absolutely gorgeous, totally in love with me for years, but there was just a lot of stuff keeping it from lasting forever, and I really struggle sometimes with how much of it was the cultural difference and difference in goals and hopes, etc, and how much of it was my fault. And I struggle with which one I wish it to be, you know?
I feel like I'll never meet anyone like her again, at least not in this country of wind-up dolls, and... damn... on my good days I accept it as fact, albeit a sad one, and on my bad days I'm pretty much devastated.
Anyway, I'm definitely not looking forward to losing (really losing) a loved one. Some pretty moving stories in here. The irony is that I've had an incredibly lucky life for several reasons, yet I tried to kill myself four times in college and came very close to succeeding twice. Damn upper-middle class ennui... I know, so cliched... |
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McGenghis
Joined: 14 Oct 2008
Location: Gangneung
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| Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 3:32 am Post subject: |
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Having a bad trip on acid. It did not make sense at the time, and lots of people I did not respect told me to stay away from it. But I had a dark time in the February rains of Canada I shall not soon forget.
Probably years ago people on acid were fools who gambled with their sanity and the rest of us were on the winning side. And the people with fewer yarbles bought bigger mortgages and made an example out of me. |
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eperdue4ad
Joined: 22 May 2006
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| Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 12:52 am Post subject: |
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The day my son was born. We discovered he has a (thankfully non-life-threatening) congenital defect. It's very rare, and the hospital could tell us nothing, not even what was wrong with him or why it happened. Medicine still doesn't know why it occurs.
I sent my husband to the PC Bang to google the symptoms, and he came back with printouts, photos, etc.... we realized how much we were in for and how little the world knows about his condition. Then I started thinking about him perhaps never playing some sports, or music, the potential difficulties to face.... that was the worst part... we just didn't know how much his life would be affected.
It hasn't proven to be as bad as it could be, though... he got lucky. I can have a bit of a laugh now when remembering crying over my 1-day-old's potential scuba diving ability  Pretty emotional day. |
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shapeshifter
Joined: 29 Nov 2005
Location: Paris
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| Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 5:44 am Post subject: |
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| is so delicious wrote: |
Going through a breakup with a Korean girl right now... 2 1/2 year relationship, and pretty much the only serious relationship I've ever been in (I'm 29). A rare (for Koreans) and incredible self-deprecating/sarcastic sense of humor, absolutely gorgeous, totally in love with me for years...
I feel like I'll never meet anyone like her again, at least not in this country of wind-up dolls.
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Why does every guy who gets involved in a half-decent relationship with a Korean girl have to convince himself that he's found something incredibly rare? There are so many Korean women that are intelligent, funny, thoughtful, insertotherpositiveattributeshere, just as such women also exist in other countries.
I think people's perception gets skewed by too much time swimming exclusively in the relatively shallow pool of women who meet the dual criteria of (a) having achieved a high degree of fluency in English and (b) having even the slightest interest in dating an EFL teacher.
Just imagine how people on this board would react to a Korean writing off the female half of the population of a Western country as "wind-up dolls". There's a casual racism on here that's really quite offensive and really hard to stomach. |
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redaxe
Joined: 01 Dec 2008
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| Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 7:23 am Post subject: |
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| shapeshifter wrote: |
| is so delicious wrote: |
Going through a breakup with a Korean girl right now... 2 1/2 year relationship, and pretty much the only serious relationship I've ever been in (I'm 29). A rare (for Koreans) and incredible self-deprecating/sarcastic sense of humor, absolutely gorgeous, totally in love with me for years...
I feel like I'll never meet anyone like her again, at least not in this country of wind-up dolls.
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Why does every guy who gets involved in a half-decent relationship with a Korean girl have to convince himself that he's found something incredibly rare? There are so many Korean women that are intelligent, funny, thoughtful, insertotherpositiveattributeshere, just as such women also exist in other countries.
I think people's perception gets skewed by too much time swimming exclusively in the relatively shallow pool of women who meet the dual criteria of (a) having achieved a high degree of fluency in English and (b) having even the slightest interest in dating an EFL teacher.
Just imagine how people on this board would react to a Korean writing off the female half of the population of a Western country as "wind-up dolls". There's a casual racism on here that's really quite offensive and really hard to stomach. |
OK, so how are the ones who don't speak any English or have any interest in dating an EFL teacher supposed to be unique and interesting to us?
And it's not "casual racism" but fact that Korea is one of the most ethnically and culturally homogeneous countries on Earth. Compared to other countries, Koreans actually do have relatively homogeneous personalities, beliefs and opinions.
On the other hand I actually do believe that if one wants to find a foreign mate and have a successful relationship, one should be able to speak the foreign mate's language fluently. That's why I don't date Koreans anymore. My Korean is awesome compared to most white guys' but it's still not fluent enough for me to really connect with them on more than a superficial level. |
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shapeshifter
Joined: 29 Nov 2005
Location: Paris
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| Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2011 7:49 am Post subject: |
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| redaxe wrote: |
| shapeshifter wrote: |
| is so delicious wrote: |
Going through a breakup with a Korean girl right now... 2 1/2 year relationship, and pretty much the only serious relationship I've ever been in (I'm 29). A rare (for Koreans) and incredible self-deprecating/sarcastic sense of humor, absolutely gorgeous, totally in love with me for years...
I feel like I'll never meet anyone like her again, at least not in this country of wind-up dolls.
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Why does every guy who gets involved in a half-decent relationship with a Korean girl have to convince himself that he's found something incredibly rare? There are so many Korean women that are intelligent, funny, thoughtful, insertotherpositiveattributeshere, just as such women also exist in other countries.
I think people's perception gets skewed by too much time swimming exclusively in the relatively shallow pool of women who meet the dual criteria of (a) having achieved a high degree of fluency in English and (b) having even the slightest interest in dating an EFL teacher.
Just imagine how people on this board would react to a Korean writing off the female half of the population of a Western country as "wind-up dolls". There's a casual racism on here that's really quite offensive and really hard to stomach. |
OK, so how are the ones who don't speak any English or have any interest in dating an EFL teacher supposed to be unique and interesting to us?
And it's not "casual racism" but fact that Korea is one of the most ethnically and culturally homogeneous countries on Earth. Compared to other countries, Koreans actually do have relatively homogeneous personalities, beliefs and opinions.
On the other hand I actually do believe that if one wants to find a foreign mate and have a successful relationship, one should be able to speak the foreign mate's language fluently. That's why I don't date Koreans anymore. My Korean is awesome compared to most white guys' but it's still not fluent enough for me to really connect with them on more than a superficial level. |
As regards your first question, it is of course perfectly natural and reasonable that foreign teachers don't gravitate towards those women with whom they have no realistic prospect of establishing a meaningful relationship. It's just not a good fit and that shouldn't necessarily reflect poorly on either group.
What I find unfortunate is the associated assumption that these women are inherently uninteresting to everyone, a subtext that I'm sure we can agree is implied by the use of a term like "wind-up dolls".
I do understand your comment about the relative homogeneity of Korean attitudes. However, as a paid-up member of Korean society (despite having spent much of my life abroad) I also know that a lot of the samesameness you're describing is in fact quite superficial. Once (and if) you're able scratch the surface, individuals do tend to emerge as more textured, three-dimensional characters. I think it's this discovery that often leads foreigners who do get really close to a Korean to shout things like "she's so un-Korean" from the rooftops, when a more appropriate conclusion might be that being interesting and a Korean women are not necessarily mutually exclusive states.
Just my two cents |
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