Korean Job Discussion Forums

[barbaricyip]

Today I had a weird interlude with one of my supervisors. This is a getting-on-toward-middle-age Korean man with whom I've been cultivating an office friendship, given that we now sit at adjoined desks. I'm a woman less than a year out of university. The hagwon I work out is more or less a shady business, and I've butted heads with the management over various things in the past. This is all contextually relevant, I think?

The supervisor was chatting with a Korean teacher - younger than thirty, also a woman - and I heard my name come up a couple times. When I glanced up to look askance, he told me, "You know, *name*, I just wanted to say. I think being married will change your perspective. Your husband will become the window through which you view the world."

After a moment through which I slowly digested that yes, this was a real conversation I was about to have, I very honestly told him that I didn't think such a thing was going to happen, especially given that I am more interested in being a person who I am proud to be, with a job I am proud to do, than to seek companionship. Also that I had my career in mind first. And finally that I'm not actually planning on getting married.

At which he decided I didn't understand his angle, and he kept the conversation going for about half an hour, between bouts of us both attending to other things. It didn't come up again after that, but I'm still a bit shell-shocked over his adamance.

What on earth is going on? Is he subtly telling me that I am an uppity Western woman who needs to shut up and sit down? (I am also the favorite foreign teacher, because I am hands-down the one who puts the most effort into planning and executing lessons, so this seems weird.) Or is he genuinely concerned about my marriageability? So Dave's, can I get any insight into Korean culture, or is this just my supervisor being individually kind of a creeper?

Incidentally, my incognito girlfriend works in the next room over. He obviously knows nothing about this. Haha.

[Kuros]

If you think what he said was offensive or creepy, then maybe Korea can act as a different perspective to broaden your horizon. He was expressing interest in your personal well-being, which is what a good Korean boss is supposed to do towards his employees. Don't take that the wrong way.

Besides, how is he supposed to know you're interested in women?

Maybe after a few months you can confide in him that you are interested in women, and that you would like him to keep it secret. He may surprise you with his open-mindedness and discretion. And if not, who cares?, you're a Western woman and can take care of your damned self, right?

[Jake_Kim]

If the guy in question in getting-on-toward-middle-age, then he was born around late 60s or early 70s, from parents who grew up in the 40s and the 50s, and grew up through the 70s and the 80s.

Further assuming this person did convey pretty much what he intended to say to you by the expression in the quote, that sounds like an unsurprisingly typical Confucianist mindset of his generation although he sounds somewhat more old-fashioned even among his contemporaries. It is more prominent among those from the rural areas in the southeast where patriarchal social order has been the strongest and the tightest, whilst those from big cities have gone somewhat mellowed by rapid social changes throughout their youth and adulthood.

There is an old saying, 'Husband is the heavens, wife is the ground,' which comes down from the ethics of the era of Joseon Dynasty. It may be true that marriage itself in its pure form can change one's perspective regardless of one's cultural background, but the problem with Confucianism is that it assigned and enforced certain hierarchical order to the entire family structure over its reign, not just the marriage.

Younger generations would probably call someone a dumbass provided that he actually puts his faith in such an old mentality, even though a few male chauvinists might be gloating at such old ideas. Yet, it is hard to declare that the younger generations are absolutely free from the remanence of ancient perspective, given the fact that their parents are of the very generation grew up with it.

[Kuros]

[RMNC]

Just another classic case of instilled misogyny poking its way into the 21st century. We all know what a big deal getting married in Korea is, not for love but for image, in a land where image is everything.

[Koveras]

Cultural conditioning or not, the guy was reaching towards a kind of ultimate truth for women. Women acquire their character, happiness, and sense of existence through men - in many cases, their husbands, though sometimes their sons, lovers, and others. This is one of the reasons why traditional cultures think of women as passive. People can argue with it if they like, reject it as old-fashioned, but it�s inescapable, and it�s ugly and painful to see women try to fight it, the more so since they�re but victims of the present disorder. That coworker�s metaphor of a wife dwelling within her husband and looking out through his eyes is both touching and reflective of a basic reality. Let�s not forget the jealous and self-sacrificing protection it implies on the husband�s part.

[ESL Milk "Everyday]

[ESL Milk "Everyday]

[methdxman]

[Italy37612]

[Kuros]

[NYC_Gal 2.0]

DO NOT come out here. I have a few lesbian friends here, some Korean, some foreign. Only the foreigners come out, and only to foreigners. The only reason I know about the Koreans is my amazing gaydar and having told them about some lesbians in my family. We were friends for months before they told me (even though I knew the first time we met).

As for the cultural thing, just say okay sure and nod it off. He's clearly of a different generation, and it's not worth causing waves, as it doesn't affect you.

[methdxman]

[ESL Milk "Everyday]

[Fox]