Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Swampfox10mm]

Our daughter, who is 15 months old, has entered into a hitting phase. She'll smack at anyone when she doesn't get her way.

Anyway, was wondering how Koreans prefer to deal with this sort of thing? I have been looking my daughter in the eye and firmly saying, "No hitting! We don't hit!" One time, I decided to try "time out" for a minute, but was surprised to see my Korean wife freak-out over my doing this. She seemed to think it was cruel or unusual punishment.

I have read that "time out" is a decent way of dealing with the problem without having to raise your voice so much, etc.. But are Koreans against the idea of "time out?" My wife shouts "Oh-hup!" at my daughter, and will scold her for doing it. It seems to be the same as saying, "Hey, don't!"

I searched the internet, and there seemed to be a lot of people preaching against what not to do and chastising others for how they deal with it, but few offer concrete suggestions as to how to deal with hitting effectively.

[thegadfly]

Personally, I would swear by the time-outs (but I am an American, my ex is an American, and my daughter was raised in America...).

One incident in particular I remember was when my daughter was three and a half or so. When she would get especially frustrated with something, she would throw it, or try to hit the person that made her frustrated. She was trying to get me to give her something, but she wasn't "using her words." She got frustrated with me, and drew her hand back to hit me...and stopped.

She got down off the couch, went to her time-out chair, and sat in it. She sat there for a minute or two, calmed herself down, came back to me and "sorry, Daddy." She then "used her words" and told me what she had wanted (a frozen banana wedge that we called a "popsicle.")

I did not tell her to go to the time-out chair -- she hadn't hit me, and had just started her swing. She recognized her own feelings, gave herself the time-out, calmed down, and came back when she felt she could handle things properly.

Of course, I was, (and still am) immensely proud of her.

From personal experience, I would say that time-outs may be a best practice, though a recent Korean girlfriend thought it was an abhorent practice...then again, some of what she thought was appropriate for children made ME pretty angry...so while it may indeed work, if it causes friction in your relationship, it may not be worth it....

Sometimes you can be right, or you can be happy, but not both....

[myenglishisno]

Koreans don't punish kids at all until they're in High School. That's why kids are generally quite unruly up to that point, especially towards foreigners since we're not in the hierarchy.

Kids here don't know basic, universal stuff like how you're supposed to cover your mouth when you sneeze, how you're not supposed to talk in class especially when the teacher is talking, how cheating is wrong, indoor/outdoor voices, how to be courteous and get out of people's way... etc.

It's a free ride for them and then they start getting the shit kicked out of them mentally and physically on the first day of HS and it's all downhill after that.

All that being said, I wouldn't follow any Korean methods of discipline

[Swampfox10mm]

It's very hard to instill a sense of discipline in your child if your spouse refuses to follow the same plan.

[Sticks]

Current methods of Korean discipline involve shouting and giving a scolding to. It does squat. Growing up in Australia in a Korean household with parents who grew up in the dark days, 60s, 70s and 80s meant I got the brunt of both worlds - canes, smacks, time out corners, scoldings, threats (and fulfilment of said threat) of having the object of my unruliness (usu. a video game) taken from me and more.

I say dole out your punishment. have a good discussion with the wife about why she rationally thinks her punishment is better than yours. I doubt itd go anywhere though. Unruly kids later in life or a slightly peeved off wife? ;p

[PatrickGHBusan]

[thegadfly]

[Swampfox10mm]

[TheUrbanMyth]