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sublunari
Joined: 11 Jun 2009
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 Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 8:51 pm Post subject: |
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My wife was pretty goddamn awesome from almost the first moment I met her. She's a Korean and very unlike the sad portraits of Korean women we so often find on these forums. A few days after we met I had to decide if I wanted to stay here another year, and I think I made the right choice, as I've gone deeper inside this culture than I ever would have otherwise, to say nothing of her personality, as well as my own.
I think a pretty common answer to your question would have something to do with accidentally getting knocked up, and although we were and still are in love, that's what happened in our case. We got hitched and had a kid a few years sooner than we would have otherwise, and although our marriage and our son are both still very young, and we have all kinds of challenges to surmount, we're both pretty happy with each other.
We haven't discussed it thoroughly, either, but it seems like she's a receptive to the idea of having a relatively open marriage (meaning that we would continue to love each other while also being honest about occasionally boning other people), and rigidity in this matter would seem to cause a lot of unhappiness elsewhere, but we'll see. |
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methdxman
Joined: 14 Sep 2010
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| Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 9:32 pm Post subject: |
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| sublunari wrote: |
My wife was pretty goddamn awesome from almost the first moment I met her. She's a Korean and very unlike the sad portraits of Korean women we so often find on these forums. A few days after we met I had to decide if I wanted to stay here another year, and I think I made the right choice, as I've gone deeper inside this culture than I ever would have otherwise, to say nothing of her personality, as well as my own.
I think a pretty common answer to your question would have something to do with accidentally getting knocked up, and although we were and still are in love, that's what happened in our case. We got hitched and had a kid a few years sooner than we would have otherwise, and although our marriage and our son are both still very young, and we have all kinds of challenges to surmount, we're both pretty happy with each other.
We haven't discussed it thoroughly, either, but it seems like she's a receptive to the idea of having a relatively open marriage (meaning that we would continue to love each other while also being honest about occasionally boning other people), and rigidity in this matter would seem to cause a lot of unhappiness elsewhere, but we'll see. |
What a load of crap. |
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Adam Carolla
Joined: 26 Feb 2010
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| Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 10:07 pm Post subject: |
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A woman gets married when she meets the right man.
A man gets married when he meets the right time. |
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Stout
Joined: 28 May 2011
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| Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 12:20 am Post subject: |
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| Different societies at different times have had different conceptions of the 'correct' form of co-habitation. In earlier times it was perfectly acceptable to take more than one wife in Korea, in fact your status was greater as it showed you had the resources to do so. People who think there is only way are pretty limited in their outlook, and show the traits of someone who is shaped by their society and social conditioning. |
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Fox
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 2:01 am Post subject: |
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| Stout wrote: |
| Different societies at different times have had different conceptions of the 'correct' form of co-habitation. In earlier times it was perfectly acceptable to take more than one wife in Korea, in fact your status was greater as it showed you had the resources to do so. People who think there is only way are pretty limited in their outlook, and show the traits of someone who is shaped by their society and social conditioning. |
Polygamy, much like slavery, is an institution that arises from dysfunctional situations which we have in the modern West done much to overcome. Once your society becomes advanced enough to stop seeing certain classes of people as ownable objects, institutions like slavery and polygamy quickly dwindle away. The real world more or less bears this out on a societal level.
What's ironic is that in trying to deny any sort of genuine normativity here, you yourself are showing the traits of someone who has been shaped by their society and social conditioning. The behavior you're engaging here is a fairly common mark of Western cultural indoctrination. |
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Stout
Joined: 28 May 2011
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| Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 2:31 am Post subject: |
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| Fox wrote: |
| Stout wrote: |
| Different societies at different times have had different conceptions of the 'correct' form of co-habitation. In earlier times it was perfectly acceptable to take more than one wife in Korea, in fact your status was greater as it showed you had the resources to do so. People who think there is only way are pretty limited in their outlook, and show the traits of someone who is shaped by their society and social conditioning. |
Polygamy, much like slavery, is an institution that arises from dysfunctional situations which we have in the modern West done much to overcome. Once your society becomes advanced enough to stop seeing certain classes of people as ownable objects, institutions like slavery and polygamy quickly dwindle away. The real world more or less bears this out on a societal level.
What's ironic is that in trying to deny any sort of genuine normativity here, you yourself are showing the traits of someone who has been shaped by their society and social conditioning. The behavior you're engaging here is a fairly common mark of Western cultural indoctrination. |
I merely gave the example of Korea because that's where we reside now- I never came out and advocated polygamy as the way to go, just pointing it out as one system. Perhaps you shouldn't be so quick in making assumptions. And concerning polygamy, your pronouncement that it is dysfunctional is a rather sweeping statement. Take it up with someone from a polygamous society (I can't answer to it as I don't have multiple wives). |
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Fox
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 3:13 am Post subject: |
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| Stout wrote: |
| I never came out and advocated polygamy as the way to go, just pointing it out as one system. |
See, this is exactly what I'm talking about. You clearly engaged in apologia for it, both bringing it up and implying that it's a totally reasonable practice, but then when you're called on it, you scurry back and insist that you're just 'pointing things out.' We all know it's a system, no one's taking issue with that fact. What I for one am doing, however, is taking issue with your implication that there's nothing wrong with that system.
| Stout wrote: |
| Perhaps you shouldn't be so quick in making assumptions. |
Given literally a sentence after this you again imply there's no problem with polygamy, my assumption was quite obviously proven to be a sound one. You're fairly obviously engaging in some measure of apologia for this practice.
| Stout wrote: |
| And concerning polygamy, your pronouncement that it is dysfunctional is a rather sweeping statement. Take it up with someone from a polygamous society (I can't answer to it as I don't have multiple wives). |
If you don't feel like you're in a position to defend polygamy, then bringing it up and implying it's a reasonably acceptable practice was a very silly choice. Either you've got something to say about polygamy beyond, 'Hey guys, it's a system! Just wanted to point that out!" or you don't. This passive aggression won't do. |
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Stout
Joined: 28 May 2011
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| Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 5:47 am Post subject: |
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I think you need to re-read my original post-
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| Different societies at different times have had different conceptions of the 'correct' form of co-habitation. In earlier times it was perfectly acceptable to take more than one wife in Korea, in fact your status was greater as it showed you had the resources to do so. People who think there is only way are pretty limited in their outlook, and show the traits of someone who is shaped by their society and social conditioning. |
In earlier times in this country it was in fact acceptable, and one's status was assumed to be greater at that time. Notice I did not advocate a position either for or against. I don't need to say anything for or against it simply because you are simply so fanatically against it. Different systems exist in different times, I suggest you don't move to Paris any time soon you'll keel over from cardiac arrest in a matter of seconds once you realize many people get on fine without any adherence to your perceptions of correct cohabitation. |
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Kuros
Joined: 27 Apr 2004
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| Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 11:16 am Post subject: |
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| Fox wrote: |
| Stout wrote: |
| Different societies at different times have had different conceptions of the 'correct' form of co-habitation. In earlier times it was perfectly acceptable to take more than one wife in Korea, in fact your status was greater as it showed you had the resources to do so. People who think there is only way are pretty limited in their outlook, and show the traits of someone who is shaped by their society and social conditioning. |
Polygamy, much like slavery, is an institution that arises from dysfunctional situations which we have in the modern West done much to overcome. Once your society becomes advanced enough to stop seeing certain classes of people as ownable objects, institutions like slavery and polygamy quickly dwindle away. The real world more or less bears this out on a societal level.
What's ironic is that in trying to deny any sort of genuine normativity here, you yourself are showing the traits of someone who has been shaped by their society and social conditioning. The behavior you're engaging here is a fairly common mark of Western cultural indoctrination. |
I enjoyed the first paragraph, but loved the second one!
| Stout wrote: |
| Notice I did not advocate a position either for or against. |
Okay, polygamist. |
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edwardcatflap
Joined: 22 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 1:02 pm Post subject: |
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| People who think there is only way are pretty limited in their outlook, and show the traits of someone who is shaped by their society and social conditioning. |
While this may be true of Koreans I'm with Fox on this one that people from Western countries, especially the UK for example, are specifically conditioned nowadays not to think there is only one way. Not getting married, however, as opposed to other ways of defying convention such as coming out of the closet or converting to Islam, requires less effort rather than more. In the same way as people often show their commitment to an 'alternative' lifestyle by not bothering to get a job. So in my experience the majority of people who don't get married don't do so out of some desire to rebel against the system or be different, but rather through laziness - they can't be bothered to arrange the wedding, financial reasons - they can't pay for it, or lack of 100% commitment - they want to keep the option of shagging around. Most of these people with long term partners will eventually take the plunge but usually due to practical considerations (e.g. tax or visa reasons) rather than anything else. |
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Fox
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 3:21 pm Post subject: |
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| Stout wrote: |
I think you need to re-read my original post-
| Quote: |
| Different societies at different times have had different conceptions of the 'correct' form of co-habitation. In earlier times it was perfectly acceptable to take more than one wife in Korea, in fact your status was greater as it showed you had the resources to do so. People who think there is only way are pretty limited in their outlook, and show the traits of someone who is shaped by their society and social conditioning. |
In earlier times in this country it was in fact acceptable, and one's status was assumed to be greater at that time. Notice I did not advocate a position either for or against. |
Yes, but unless you're implying that this historic diversity implies a lack of normativity on the matter, then it was absolutely pointless to bring it up. And given you go on in that same post to chide people for not being open-minded about other possibilities, I think it's clear that's exactly what you were doing. As such, I refer you again to what I've all ready written. |
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Stout
Joined: 28 May 2011
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| Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 3:28 pm Post subject: |
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| edwardcatflap wrote: |
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| People who think there is only way are pretty limited in their outlook, and show the traits of someone who is shaped by their society and social conditioning. |
While this may be true of Koreans I'm with Fox on this one that people from Western countries, especially the UK for example, are specifically conditioned nowadays not to think there is only one way. Not getting married, however, as opposed to other ways of defying convention such as coming out of the closet or converting to Islam, requires less effort rather than more. |
Uh, yeah right.
"Guess what, guys, I'm gay and (drumroll)...I've converted to Islam! Isn't that wonderful, as you've all been brought up to see the beauty in being different? And you don't have to link me with Bin Laden or the jihadists or anything like that, it's just me being me!....Guys?...guys, where you going?...." (scratches head) |
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Died By Bear
Joined: 13 Jul 2010
Location: On the big lake they call Gitche Gumee
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| Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 4:02 pm Post subject: |
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THE SHOTGUN  |
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edwardcatflap
Joined: 22 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 8:49 pm Post subject: |
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Uh, yeah right.
"Guess what, guys, I'm gay and (drumroll)...I've converted to Islam! Isn't that wonderful, as you've all been brought up to see the beauty in being different? And you don't have to link me with Bin Laden or the jihadists or anything like that, it's just me being me!....Guys?...guys, where you going?...." (scratches head) |
Sorry, my point was that things like converting to Islam or coming out of the closet require more effort than deciding not to get married. What is your point? |
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Stout
Joined: 28 May 2011
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| Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 9:00 pm Post subject: |
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| Nah, you're right, I read it a bit too quickly this morning. I happen to basically agree with your observation that there are those who don't get hitched due to laziness, I'm only at odds with Fox's assertion that there is something wrong with other societies' social practices. |
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