Korean Job Discussion Forums

[asianfan]

Hey...I don't know if this applies to this forum, but thought I'd post about it anyway...two years ago I was in China for a teaching job and I met this girl who hid the fact that she was married from me until two weeks later...I didn't want the affair to end and so we continued until I went back home...the plan was she was going to get a divorce and then I'd be back in six months...she then told me that she wanted to leave the marriage and so I waited a little longer...the nov. '09 she said that she changed her mind and decided to stay...I was crushed then in dec. she contacted me again saying she missed me and then I made plans to come back the next summer...as it got closer I didnt feel right with coming back while she was still married so I backed out...then we contacted each other again and kept in touch...I was planning to come back this summer...then she tells me she didnt love me...which was in May...in June she said she was sorry and that she thought about things seriously and said she wanted to be with me. At that time I thought things were finally moving in some direction and so we kept in touch...I told her I was coming back and that we needed to trust each other and it was important. So this August I called her a couple days after her birthday...and during the whole time she's saying she misses me and thinks about me. Sept. 1 she tells me she has a boyfriend...screwing someone behind my back which breaks my heart again. So I don't talk with her and she sends me these little messages saying she is sorry and worries about me and wants to be happy...I break down this week and call her and tell her how I feel...then she tells me to call her the next day...so when I do...shes laughing on the phone like she's drunk and keeps passing her phone around then proceeds to tell me she has something "important" to do and that shes staying with her bf...likes she's taunting me throwing this in my face. I sent her a nasty message on her phone... So that day I finally deleted her number and msn...all that stuff....I dont understand how someone can be so cruel and just say "I want to be with you" and do something like that. So, I'm still trying to heal. I know shes bad for me and I want to get past it and find someone else. But it's hard sometimes. it's hard caring for someone that doesnt care. She kept saying things like it was too hard to be with me. and i think "well, if other chinese girls have foreign boyfriends, and make it work, why shouldn't we?" It was like she was making excuses. So, I'm hoping to get a fresh start and go to some other place like Korea or Japan. I know China is a big place and I could go back there but the memories are too much. I know bad girls exist everywhere but I know one thing is for sure. I'm gonna make sure the girl is single and unattached before I date them. Anyway just wanted to share my experience with you guys. Feels good to vent sometimes.

[GrasshopperKR]

Rule #1 of dating, make sure your partner is not married. In some cases it can be illegal or in other cases you will have to deal with an angry husband.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adultery#Asia

[some waygug-in]

Count yourself lucky.

Not trying to be mean or anything, but someone who is willing to cheat on their husband/wife will be willing to cheat on you. Would you even be able to trust her if she did go with you?

[chrisinkorea2011]

[reactionary]

I had a similar experience with a Korean woman. Best to pity the cuckolded husband more than yourself.

[Malislamusrex]

You were lucky you only wasted 2 years.

Never believe what a girl says, I'm not saying women are liars, they just don't think like rationally (or like men do) . Read non-verbal communication is much more important.

[smithy]

Difficult to feel much sympathy for you when you were knowingly screwing some poor guy's wife.

[eamo]

You should have bugged out as soon as she told you she was married. Don`t go around thinking of just your own feelings.

[The Floating World]

You need to realise you are lucky to have got out of a sham and negative relationship when you did.

You are saying you are in love and the memories are to much etc, as you are looking back through a distorted lense, the lense of infatuation.

You need to be able to see things and the woman for what they really were in the cold light of day and hopefully then your bubble will burst.

You need to read the post you wrote as though it was written to you by a good friend. You wouldn't be thinking 'ah poor guy, he was in love and it didn't work out, it's so sad, I wish they could have made it work' etc, you'd be thinking 'man she sounds like an insecure, attention needy, damaged biatch and he was immature and only seeing things the way he wanted to see them rather than looking at the evidence. He's better off out of that, despite whatever sexual chemistry they might have had' (I bet this was the main draw and what clouded your judgement.)

Instead of feeling sad, longing, nostalgic, you should see it for the mistake and learning experience it was (I'm sure it gave you some positive moments too perhaps) and feel positive that there are millions of other women out there where you can - when you feel you're ready - build something better than that.

Remember, don't be desperate for it though, just go out and have fun....

Look back, see her behaviour (and your's) for what it really was with no emotional or cognitive distortion - and then let it go.

Go out, get laid, feel better.

And don't feel too bad about it - we've all been there lad, male and female alike.

And don't carry around anger towards her for too long either, see that she obviously has issues / problems too and was flawed like we all can be.

[radcon]

Hang in there pal. I too remember the first girl I had sex with- barely.

[jvalmer]

My first thought is that the OP is very young. Maybe 22?

[fermentation]

What dude. Both you and the woman went back and forth with your feelings, and now you feel bad about yourself because she revealed that she was crazy? Both you and this lady sound mentally unhealthy.

[D.D.]

you cant have a long term relationship with a cheater because that person will also end up cheating on you. you also lack character for cheating with another guys wife so you reap what you sow.

[Greenman]

Life lesson, dont stick your _____ in crazy.

[cj1976]

The OP is down with OPP, haha!