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Zackback
Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Location: Kyungbuk
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 Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 6:49 pm Post subject: |
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There was one chick that finished her classes every night the same time I did. I mean she was hot and all but man she was kookie. She approached me one night after class and asked if she could drive me home. I agreed. She then asked if she could see me on Saturday night. She looked great so I agreed again. She was a no show. She came in on Monday apologizing like crazy and wanted to take me home again that night. I agreed. She then asked to take me home the next night. I agreed again. Now when I say take me home it means she just dropped me off at my apartment - nothing else. For the next 5 Saturdays she would sometimes be a no show (no reason why) and sometimes she would show. I got sick of these guessing games and apologies. Of course the apologies came with no reason why there was a no show.
So after all this confusion I thought to myself, "Look Zackback, you don't need this anymore. You put up with so much nonsense from this chick just because she is such a knockout. Move on and far away". After classes I would then literally run from the building out a side door and catch the bus home knowing she would be looking for me. I mean don't get me wrong I really dig weird chicks but I simply felt I was wasting too much time and hope with this one. |
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luckylady
Joined: 30 Jan 2012
Location: u.s. of occupied territories
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| Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 7:07 pm Post subject: |
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| b.rabbit wrote: |
I also didn't want to just assume that all men are horn dogs and want to get into any woman's pants. To say that adult men are not able to form crushes and just want sex seems to be an over-generalization of men?  |
the straight ones are and do. trust me on that one. 
as to your particular dilemma, I totally get it. my first male adult student was a telephone lesson - 15 minutes a day - every day. it didn't take long for him to start easing into a personal level which made me quite uncomfortable.
you have to assert yourself as the teacher, period. you might try casually mentioning a bf or husband, if that suits you. you can also just take control and steer the conversation away from anything that makes you uncomfortable just do so in as a professional manner as possible.
I would not recommend joining a class with male adult students outside of work unless, and only unless, you felt especially close with an older female in the group, one that you could completely trust to stay next to the entire time and insure you were not ever alone with the men students who concern you.
whatever you do, be careful about making these particular men (the ones who are flirtatious) lose face. If they feel you have openly rejected them in front of the others, yes, they certainly might complain and could even make it very ugly for you.
I would also not ever discuss this with your director because you will probably find no sympathy there either.
Protect yourself and your dignity and as mentioned, make friends with the female students, if there are any.
as an added aside, if things ever get especially sticky, you might also bring
up as a conversational topic the fact that adultery in Korea is actually illegal, and as a law-abiding foreigner, well...
but again, be careful about causing anyone to lose face. |
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YTMND
Joined: 16 Jan 2012
Location: You're the man now dog!!
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| Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 7:37 pm Post subject: |
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| you have to assert yourself as the teacher, period. you might try casually mentioning a bf or husband, if that suits you. |
You don't need to do anything, if you are at a coffee shop enjoying a cup of coffee you are a friend. Can't be both? Why do people throw their insecurities over onto the other person. Maybe the person you are talking to ISN'T really interested in you beyond a friendship level. Have you ever thought of that? Oh my, heavens to Lady Gaga. You aren't the center of the universe. A guy is appreciating a woman with aesthetic integrity, not some male hormone drive to get her in the sack. Makes me wonder what these kind of people have as a relationship if any at home.
If I ask a guy out for dinner, why am I automatically gay?
If I talk to a woman why is that automatically me hitting on her?
It's nice and refreshing to meet people in person who are on the other side. They don't care about the possible image. There's a movie you guys ought to check out, "That's What I Am" not "Who" that's a completely different movie.
And live a little. Enjoy people, not because there is absence of a sex drive and a business relationship in place, but because people are human and have something to share. |
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The Cosmic Hum
Joined: 09 May 2003
Location: Sonic Space
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| Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 11:19 pm Post subject: |
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| YTMND wrote: |
If I ask a guy out for dinner, why am I automatically gay?
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Because straight men don't ask other men out for dinner.
Honestly...your advice in this thread borders on insanity.
Females teachers in Korea need to be very careful about how they are perceived and how manage their "free time"...more so than the men.
Even when they think they have done 'nothing wrong' things can still go very wrong.
And right or wrong...teachers need to be very careful when dealing with excursions that could have any type of sexual tension or romantic nuances applied to them.
As Lucky said...even just having the k men lose face can cause major work problems.
In all honesty...you seem to have an agenda that could cause horrible horrible consequences for others...especially for any female that thought you knew what you were talking about.
b.rabbit
My apologies if you were offended by my post.
Your initial post was a bit misleading.
Generalizations aside...follow your instincts as a woman and give one-on-one settings a wide berth unless 'crushing' is what you are after.
Again...best of luck to you. |
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b.rabbit
Joined: 14 Feb 2012
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| Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 1:16 am Post subject: |
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Since my type isn't middle aged Korean men with families and overtime coming out of their ears, I can honestly say that I don't want them to develop any romantic feelings towards me. I guess I can't control this though.
I'll just use the whole "and my boyfriend and I went to this place over the weekend..." idea and hope that decreases the likelihood of things getting weird in the future.
But I'll keep in mind that I shouldn't reject people directly if it ever happens. I like my job and don't want to hurt the student's feelings either.
Thanks for the varied advice, everyone. |
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YTMND
Joined: 16 Jan 2012
Location: You're the man now dog!!
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| Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 1:28 am Post subject: |
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| Because straight men don't ask other men out for dinner. |
Who made this rule? I have met many interesting male friends and even had soju. We talked, had a good time, and then went our own way. Get this, I met this Thai woman, and we did the same thing. She didn't really look Thai, almost African, chocolate skin colored. Very beautiful woman, and I admit I definitely had an interest in her. However, we only ate with her sister and brother-in-law also from Thailand. We went to an all you can eat Korean buffet place. I never had such an interesting experience. The Koreans put very little on the plate, but these Thai people kept going for seconds and thirds, "Keep eating, you'll be hungry when you go home" they would say.
Maybe you were told in the locker room one day by a homophobic football captain to not enjoy dinner. Wait a minute....
back up fella.....
When did a coffee that I mentioned become a dinner? Really? You think when I said coffee (like at Starbucks) I meant a romantic dinner by candlelight?
Is this what you mean? You aren't a homophobe, but you exaggerate things. OK, I get it now.
| Quote: |
| In all honesty...you seem to have an agenda that could cause horrible horrible consequences for others...especially for any female that thought you knew what you were talking about. |
Yea, I am guilty of having an agenda of being yourself and having a good time. Not only did you say females, but females in Korea have to be careful how they are perceived? Do you know about all the Western porn out there and how females are portrayed? Why do females have to be any more concerned in Korea?
Insanity? Yes, deflecting it aren't we? Who is insane now? Women who think they are the center of attention and need to fend off hungry horny men will worry about things like a coffee at Starbucks with a student. I have seen plenty of women at these places talk about non-relationship topics and talked to them myself to know the agenda is not sex. The agenda is actually living life. Try it some time.
This is rather comical. I am not saying I am surprised, but it's funny to see people get so wrapped up in their ego that they can't see it gushing out. We are NOT the center of the universe. I have had undesirable women bug me before. It goes both ways.
Ok, so to summarize:
1. When I said coffee at a place like Starbucks I did NOT mean a romantic candlelight dinner for 2 at an expensive restaurant. I also did not mean you should dress up like it is a date (come on folks, use common sense).
2. It is possible to have a meal or just coffee with a student and go your separate ways. Believe it or not.
3. We are not the center of the universe.
Thank you for tuning in. If you think it is insane, then refuse every invitation to live life and pretend your ego is more sane. We "insane" folk need the entertainment. We love to see you check your reflection in the shopping windows. How long do you need to see your whole body, hair, face, clothes before you move on? Really, it's rather funny, that's all. Now with the ipads, you folks use those. |
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Troglodyte
Joined: 06 Dec 2009
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| Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 4:42 am Post subject: |
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| YTMND wrote: |
| The Cosmic Hum wrote: |
| YTMND wrote: |
| If I ask a guy out for dinner, why am I automatically gay? |
Because straight men don't ask other men out for dinner. |
Who made this rule? |
Society as a whole.
Don't believe me? Go up to one of your guy friends and say "Hey John. Would you like to go out for dinner with me on the weekend? It would be a good chance to get to know each other better." or "Hi Mark. Would you like to have lunch together one day this week? It will give us time to chat." or "Robert. Would you like to meet up for a coffee tomorrow afternoon. Just the two of us at Starbucks. I would really like to hang out with you." Report back to us on how that conversation played out.
| YTMND wrote: |
| I have met many interesting male friends and even had soju. We talked, had a good time, and then went our own way. |
You don't see the difference between asking a guy out to a restaurant and going out drinking with a guy?
| YTMND wrote: |
Get this, I met this Thai woman, and we did the same thing. She didn't really look Thai, almost African, chocolate skin colored. Very beautiful woman, and I admit I definitely had an interest in her. However, we only ate with her sister and brother-in-law also from Thailand.
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But it wasn't just the two of you, was it? It was you, her and 2 other people.
| YTMND wrote: |
We went to an all you can eat Korean buffet place. I never had such an interesting experience. The Koreans put very little on the plate, but these Thai people kept going for seconds and thirds, "Keep eating, you'll be hungry when you go home" they would say.
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Seriously? How is that relevant?
| YTMND wrote: |
Maybe you were told in the locker room one day by a homophobic football captain to not enjoy dinner. Wait a minute....
back up fella.....
When did a coffee that I mentioned become a dinner? Really? You think when I said coffee (like at Starbucks) I meant a romantic dinner by candlelight? |
Actually you're the one who brought it up.
| YTMND wrote: |
| I have always felt more comfortable going out to eat or doing something than talk to students online. |
| YTMND wrote: |
When you go to a restaurant you have to order for 2 people, you can't order one thing for one person and have something else for the other. They prefer to serve in sets. It's the whole, "If you eat alone, you don't have friends." Korean philosophy.
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| YTMND wrote: |
If I ask a guy out for dinner, why am I automatically gay?
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| YTMND wrote: |
| The Cosmic Hum wrote: |
| In all honesty...you seem to have an agenda that could cause horrible horrible consequences for others...especially for any female that thought you knew what you were talking about. |
Yea, I am guilty of having an agenda of being yourself and having a good time. |
I agree with The Cosmic Hum on this one. And not just on this thread. You very often offer people "advice" that most people would realize is total BS and more than likely to cause problems for someone if they take you seriously.
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YTMND
Joined: 16 Jan 2012
Location: You're the man now dog!!
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| Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 5:12 am Post subject: |
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| You don't see the difference between asking a guy out to a restaurant and going out drinking with a guy? |
I do not want any romantic assumptions on a first encounter. Male or female. The problem seems that the first meeting might be the "launching pad" for one to think there is more there than the other. Again, that's living life.
| Quote: |
| But it wasn't just the two of you, was it? It was you, her and 2 other people. |
You missed the inverse logic I was throwing out. I was placing myself in the position this OP might have been worrying about. I was saying, "I am one of those people who like others and I can simply walk away."
I liked this woman and I didn't do anything wrong to her or harrass her after that encounter. She wasn't interested in more or didn't act on it, and I moved on. Students can do that too, if the situation was the same. Not all encounters mean the male is hunting the female.
It doesn't matter if the woman was with 2 people or at a party, I moved on and met other women.
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| Seriously? How is that relevant? |
Why would a good time be relevant?
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| You very often offer people "advice" that most people would realize is total BS and more than likely to cause problems for someone if they take you seriously. |
Yea, I am the fat kid in the crowd that everyone wants to pick on. No one has proof as your lack of details show. I just stand up for myself and I am not afraid to drink coffee, eat samgyeopsal, or drink soju with a Korean male mate.
What do you have as far as proof? All I see is bandwagon tactics. Try again, unless moderators shut us up. I want to see what you are made of.
You lost on the other thread, now you are trying to gang up on this one. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. |
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YTMND
Joined: 16 Jan 2012
Location: You're the man now dog!!
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| Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 5:16 am Post subject: |
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Doesn't work in this town. Try another nick.
Bye all.
YTMND |
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luckylady
Joined: 30 Jan 2012
Location: u.s. of occupied territories
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| Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 10:59 am Post subject: |
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| YTMND wrote: |
| You don't need to do anything, if you are at a coffee shop enjoying a cup of coffee you are a friend. |
this isn't a discussion about platonic relationships. It's a discussion about possible unwanted and unsolicited sexual advances towards a female teacher from male students.
further, a teacher is a professional. we are not there to be a student's friend or date. certainly there may be very rare instances where that might happen but that was definitely not what the OP was suggesting in her post.
to suggest there is no possibility of the OP being sexually harrassed or even coerced - or that the possibility can exist for the situation to become one of that nature - is not just naive but can also be dangerous for the OP.
it would be considerably more helpful not to have your own personal agenda in mind when making such comments to women teachers. my god man, we have enough to worry about already.  |
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Fat_Elvis
Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Location: In the ghetto
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| Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 2:09 pm Post subject: |
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Wow, this thread really brought the trolls out.
I've taught adult students here for about five years now, and my advice is - just avoid going out socially with them. Give any excuse you can. You'll avoid any weirdness or sexual harassment, and trust me, these kinds of events are really dull for the most part. If you class insist on some kind of party check with management and see if you can have it in school during class time. Get the students to bring snacks and soft drinks to class.
Cut your students a bit of slack as they might lack pragmatic skills in English, so they say awkward things that might be acceptable in Korean but not in English. Some poster said that most adult students complain about getting married - that's been my experience too. But it could be that they are making a pass at you, in which case limit contact with them to class hours. |
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ReeseDog
Joined: 05 Apr 2008
Location: Classified
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| Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 7:11 am Post subject: |
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| b.rabbit wrote: |
| As a woman, I have been the subject of unwanted male attention since I was about 11 or 12. It doesn't matter if it's just some guys undressing you with their eyes or blatant attempts to get into your pants. The attention is always there, no matter what ethnicity, what you're wearing or what you look like. |
| b.rabbit wrote: |
| I also didn't want to just assume that all men are horn dogs and want to get into any woman's pants. To say that adult men are not able to form crushes and just want sex seems to be an over-generalization of men? |
You contradict yourself, sweetheart.
Elvis, the OP is a troll. |
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luckylady
Joined: 30 Jan 2012
Location: u.s. of occupied territories
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| Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 1:07 pm Post subject: |
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| ReeseDog wrote: |
| b.rabbit wrote: |
| As a woman, I have been the subject of unwanted male attention since I was about 11 or 12. It doesn't matter if it's just some guys undressing you with their eyes or blatant attempts to get into your pants. The attention is always there, no matter what ethnicity, what you're wearing or what you look like. |
| b.rabbit wrote: |
| I also didn't want to just assume that all men are horn dogs and want to get into any woman's pants. To say that adult men are not able to form crushes and just want sex seems to be an over-generalization of men? |
You contradict yourself, sweetheart.
Elvis, the OP is a troll. |
quite the contrary; and yet again, we see a man making assumptions he has no conceivable way of understanding yet feels able to speak for a woman
like the OP, I also had similar experiences in both my personal and professional life and when arriving in Korea, was perplexed as to what the norms of behavior would be for men, especially in regards of Korean men towards Western women.
Until I was able to perceive the differences in culture and customs, it was extremely difficult to identify sexual harrassment, which I was experiencing. I actually had to sit down with adult Korean women and discuss it at length with them to discern the differences and understand what was happening to me at the time was, indeed, unwarranted, unprofessional and completely unprovoked.
if you have nothing productive to contribute to this discussion, which apparently you don't, kindly take leave of yourself. |
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Stan Rogers
Joined: 20 Aug 2010
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| Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 3:09 pm Post subject: |
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| ReeseDog wrote: |
| b.rabbit wrote: |
| As a woman, I have been the subject of unwanted male attention since I was about 11 or 12. It doesn't matter if it's just some guys undressing you with their eyes or blatant attempts to get into your pants. The attention is always there, no matter what ethnicity, what you're wearing or what you look like. |
| b.rabbit wrote: |
| I also didn't want to just assume that all men are horn dogs and want to get into any woman's pants. To say that adult men are not able to form crushes and just want sex seems to be an over-generalization of men? |
You contradict yourself, sweetheart.
Elvis, the OP is a troll. |
I agree and I suspect the OP is a man. |
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NYC_Gal 2.0
Joined: 10 Dec 2010
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| Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 3:36 pm Post subject: |
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| ReeseDog wrote: |
| b.rabbit wrote: |
| As a woman, I have been the subject of unwanted male attention since I was about 11 or 12. It doesn't matter if it's just some guys undressing you with their eyes or blatant attempts to get into your pants. The attention is always there, no matter what ethnicity, what you're wearing or what you look like. |
| b.rabbit wrote: |
| I also didn't want to just assume that all men are horn dogs and want to get into any woman's pants. To say that adult men are not able to form crushes and just want sex seems to be an over-generalization of men? |
You contradict yourself, sweetheart.
Elvis, the OP is a troll. |
Nope. Try again. |
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