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edwardcatflap
Joined: 22 Mar 2009
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 Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2012 5:32 pm Post subject: |
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| Maybe my marriage is the exception that proves the rule |
It isn't, I've ever experienced any of that stuff either. |
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bojangles
Joined: 19 Feb 2011
Location: south jeolla
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| Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2012 7:04 pm Post subject: hey |
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[quote="edwardcatflap"]
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The guy makes a living out of telling white trash/chavs how to live their lives properly. By making fun of their boyfriends' low paid jobs and judging how much passion they have in life from how they respond to aggressive questioning during the first interview they probably ever had on radio. He makes Jeremy Kyle look professional. I'd rather get marriage guidance from Zackback. |
He doesn't give marriage guidance or pre-marriage counseling. If you would have listened to more than 10 minutes you might have learned at least that. While it can get a little trashy and low-brow at times, he also makes a living by pointing out some huge flaws in mens thinking about relationships and women. He also makes a living by sharing how he started his own company after leaving commercial radio, hired his own staff, built his own studio, and now produces his own show solely for the internet. He also makes a living by sharing his experience of becoming a sel-made multimillionaire after being raised dirt poor in the bronx, new york. He also makes a living by covering current events such as the recent police killings in Orange County, CA. from a perspective that you won't hear in the mainstream press, radio, or television. He's a unique character with a unique voice. I'm sorry you don't see that. Maybe you're better off here at Dave's anyway, with all the winners on this site, how could you go wrong? |
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edwardcatflap
Joined: 22 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2012 7:32 pm Post subject: |
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| He doesn't give marriage guidance or pre-marriage counseling. If you would have listened to more than 10 minutes you might have learned at least that. While it can get a little trashy and low-brow at times, he also makes a living by pointing out some huge flaws in mens thinking about relationships and women. He also makes a living by sharing how he started his own company after leaving commercial radio, hired his own staff, built his own studio, and now produces his own show solely for the internet. He also makes a living by sharing his experience of becoming a sel-made multimillionaire after being raised dirt poor in the bronx, new york. He also makes a living by covering current events such as the recent police killings in Orange County, CA. from a perspective that you won't hear in the mainstream press, radio, or television. He's a unique character with a unique voice. I'm sorry you don't see that. Maybe you're better off here at Dave's anyway, with all the winners on this site, how could you go wrong? |
Sorry but I can't stand that 'I came from nothing to make lots of money so now everyone has to listen to what I have to say about every topic under the sun' attitude you see a lot of in the US. Nothing personal. |
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bojangles
Joined: 19 Feb 2011
Location: south jeolla
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| Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 6:20 am Post subject: hey now |
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My apologies. I thought you were lost in the dark wood of premarriage jitters, looking for a light. I thought tom leykis could be that light. My mistake. I also was not aware of your prejudice against self-righteous, redneck, self-made American multi-millionaires with little or no broadcasting skills. My mistake again.
http://p3.radiocdn.com/files/html/bc814626de14259a8e3d446b073e831075ca6997.html |
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TheUrbanMyth
Joined: 28 Jan 2003
Location: Retired
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| Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 8:03 am Post subject: |
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| LuckyNomad wrote: |
Steelrails is correct. Marriage cannot be based on physical attraction alone. The moment she changes from being your girlfriend to being your wife, things will change. If you picture your life from now until death, during most of that time you will both be in your 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's. The time period where she is really attractive will be kind of short. You have to tolerate this old woman day in and day out until the day you die. Also, when you start having kids, life and your relationship changes. Forget the bangathons. You'll be exhausted and stressed out.
You will fight and yell at each other and get angry and annoyed with each other. How else could it be. Two people sharing their life is not an easy task. You will have to make some serious adjustments. Are you able to make that transition?
Also, some people say that a woman is a woman and being Korean doesn't matter. Well, it does if you are in Korea. She's trapped in the cycle or destruction and you are too. Get ready to find out why Koreans are so stressed out. A lot of your freetime is going to be sucked up by extended family stuff.
Expect to go fairly bankrupt. Money does not have the same value in Korea as in other countries. Just expect it to disappear. On her parents birthday she'll want to give them a couple hundred bucks. On Parents day too she'll want to give them something expensive or a couple hundred bucks. She'll be giving hundreds out as birthday gifts throughout the year. Buying those 30 dollar cakes at Paris Baguett too. Oh, your nephew just graduated Elementary school. She'll give him a hundred bucks. WHAT??!!!  I didn't have that kind of money till I had a job in highschool!
Ahh the weekend is here. Time to relax? No. It is time to go to her 5th grade classmate's wedding. Who? No she never talks to this person but you will be showing up at their wedding. And you'll be giving them money. Then it is time to visit some other friends of hers and everytime you do, you'll be buying a big box of overpriced peaches to give to them.
Now, no matter how much money you make, no matter how nice the place you live is, no matter what she has, it is not enough and you are going to here about it fairly often. Her friend's husband makes more money than you. The neighbor has a luxury car. Your wife doesn't have any clothes even though she has a closet full of clothes, blah blah blah, money money money money. And you begin to sympathize with the Korean men who spend their freetime drinking bottle after bottle of soju.
That's just the possible bad side that must be considered. I have great kids and a wife who I love a lot, but you must understand that in Korea she will be forced to Play the Game. And that means you will be too. |
Whatever happened to people talking about these issues BEFORE getting married?
Before one ties the knot they should be aware of certain issues (some relative to the culture and some not). And they should agree on a way to handle these. While you can not plan for every single eventuality...a number of the issues mentioned above could have been foreseen with a bit more thought put into it.
[/code] |
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Kimchifart
Joined: 15 Sep 2010
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| Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 9:08 am Post subject: |
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| Zulethe wrote: |
With the divorce rate in the west creeping up toward 60 percent, the chance that your marriage will last is slim and none.
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No, it's 40% if we believe your statistic. |
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swashbuckler
Joined: 20 Nov 2010
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| Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 2:04 am Post subject: |
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HOLY HELL, WHAT A READ!!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I turned 31 a few months ago. About a year before that I broke up with my Korean girlfriend of three years. She was/is absolutely the most wonderful girl I could ever hope to meet. Mind-bogglingly funny, pretty, sweet. Adored me to a fault. We loved the same movies (note: not "Love Actually"), the same music (note: not Maroon 5), etc. She was REALLY different from any Korean girl I've met, and just a complete dream of a person. My first serious relationship.
Having said all that she was still... Korean. Never introduced or even mentioned me to her parents, because she was so afraid of being ostracized or even disowned. And for how incredibly cool and charming and beautiful she was, she would start completely illogical fights that reeked of insecurity (like when the belt she bought me for my birthday broke, so I stopped wearing it, or when I bet a bunch of money against Korea in the world cup, and so I wasn't cheering for them in the bar). Or just kind of a way of expressing other stuff she'd gotten pissed about along the way (is my guess).
And yes, there were still regular outbursts or disagreements where her logic, although she seemed kind of ashamed by it, was kind of along the "because I'm Korean, this is Korea, and that's just how it is" set of guidelines.
I think about her every day. I put up good numbers being single, and sometimes it's really nice not to have to always be asking after someone and taking care of someone and feeling obligated to hang out with someone. Being constantly stressed (though not always by her, but of my own doing) and worried about what our future is and if we're just wasting each others time. At the same time, nobody I meet has ever come close to her. I keep telling her that on paper, I let the girl of my dreams get away, just because I'm selfish and cheap and like being alone, doing whatever I want, don't want kids and don't want to spend my money on others or compromise my plans.
I'm at kind of a delicate age, I think (though maybe, looking back, this will not end up being the case) where I'm kind of approaching the end of my attractiveness or my being near the top of the swinging food chain or whatever. Like in a few years, I'll be nearly middle-aged, and probably won't be able to pull what I pull now, and not as often. Sometimes I have these horrible pangs or premonitions of regret where I fear I gave up the love of my life just for a few years of good times and sex with randoms.
But having said all this, deep down, as unsentimental and cold and cynical as it is, I think "Lucky Nomad" paints a picture that really, really needs to be considered before I or any of us make the leap. We still talk sometimes. I saw her for the first time in a year recently, and she said she still loved me and thought of me constantly, and I feel the same way about her. I tell her I want her back from time to time, but I sometimes wonder if I'm just going through the motions. Because her response to it (if there is one) is usually something like: honey, I'm a Korean woman, my family is VERY Korean, and... trust me when I say you DON'T want me.
I don't trust there are people who can be happy with this sort of thing. And maybe I sound like I'm trying to convince myself, but... yeah. I just think the reality of the situation is it is VERY complicated and there is a LOT of baggage and a LOT of differences, and the end result... I'm just not sure it's very pleasant. I don't mean to sound self-righteous, and I am quite concerned, if not terrified, that being alone my whole life will not make me happy, either. But at least it's much simpler. And the alternative, or fixing it or whatever, can just be something to hope for along the way (rather than something to dread, like divorce or scattering a family all over the world or whatever).
Sorry to write so much. Had to get it out. Thank you, Lucky Nomad. I'm gonna watch a movie in the nude with a plate of crappy food on my stomach. |
[/quote]
 
How about all those women who you just used for casual sex and then throw away afterwords? Do you ever consider Or were most of them just bar sluts who didn't give a toss to begin with? |
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canoe_jesuit
Joined: 22 Nov 2008
Location: seoul
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| Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 5:23 am Post subject: advice |
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don't do a midnight run.
go to a men's support group or do some counselling.
the marriage institution is suffocating like being trapped in a coffin and it may not have anything to do with her.
again, talk is what you need to do (not with friends) but instincts say the opposite (don't talk to anyone, run away, etc.,) |
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orosee
Joined: 07 Mar 2008
Location: Hannam-dong, Seoul
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| Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 4:22 pm Post subject: |
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Really, getting into the first marriage should not be that difficult! Getting into the second one is what's hard (because of what you learned in the first).
You need to understand the reasons for your discomfort. It'll come down to maybe 5-10 major concerns, find the one that you feel applies to you the most (do this by having conversations with the people you know best; in a perfect world you'd include your fianc�e in that circle). |
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thomas pars
Joined: 29 Jan 2009
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| Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2012 5:48 am Post subject: |
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We talked all about my concerns.
And in the end we both realized it was a big mistake.
It never felt right. I guess she did it to make life easier for me here.
So I split. I am back in the States and feel more or less relieved.
Divorce as my ex told me is a big deal in Korea. I guess will have to sign the papers and do all that later.
In the mean time I picked up a very good job, in a new city. A new life. And the horrible feelings that bothered me are gone. |
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declan74
Joined: 06 Sep 2011
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| Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:02 pm Post subject: |
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| thomas pars wrote: |
We talked all about my concerns.
And in the end we both realized it was a big mistake.
It never felt right. I guess she did it to make life easier for me here.
So I split. I am back in the States and feel more or less relieved.
Divorce as my ex told me is a big deal in Korea. I guess will have to sign the papers and do all that later.
In the mean time I picked up a very good job, in a new city. A new life. And the horrible feelings that bothered me are gone. |
That's a lot of changes in two short weeks! I think you'll be back in Korea within a year  |
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Gorf
Joined: 25 Jun 2011
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| Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2012 7:20 am Post subject: |
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| edwardcatflap wrote: |
The guy makes a living out of telling white trash/chavs how to live their lives properly. By making fun of their boyfriends' low paid jobs and judging how much passion they have in life from how they respond to aggressive questioning during the first interview they probably ever had on radio. He makes Jeremy Kyle look professional. I'd rather get marriage guidance from Zackback. |
That last sentence is comedy gold. Also, Leykis is a mysoginistic idiot king.
That said, just find a pretty girl who doesn't really care about family that much, doesn't consider you a walking ATM, and swallows. Put a ring on it if you find it, because you'll probably never find it again. I knew it soon after we started dating that she was the one because of these very reasons. I never regretted marrying my wife because once you find those diamonds in the rough, even the bad stuff is good. She's nuts about Dokdo? At least she's not boring and unopinionated. She hates her father? Well at least you don't have to worry about her buying those $30 Paris Baguette "cakes" on parents day (which suck, by the way). She likes the PC Bang? At least she's not out meeting other guys.
None of those were examples of my wife, by the way. Just saying, you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life, the facts of life |
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bojangles
Joined: 19 Feb 2011
Location: south jeolla
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| Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 8:11 am Post subject: hey now |
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| Gorf wrote: |
| ... just find a pretty girl who doesn't really care about family that much, doesn't consider you a walking ATM, and swallows. Put a ring on it if you find it, because you'll probably never find it again. |
Sounds like a good plan...if you've got #@## for brains.
Do you really think of your wife as an "it"? |
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northway
Joined: 05 Jul 2010
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| Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 9:03 am Post subject: Re: hey now |
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| bojangles wrote: |
| Gorf wrote: |
| ... just find a pretty girl who doesn't really care about family that much, doesn't consider you a walking ATM, and swallows. Put a ring on it if you find it, because you'll probably never find it again. |
Sounds like a good plan...if you've got #@## for brains.
Do you really think of your wife as an "it"? |
A bit lost in the pop culture wilderness, eh? |
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Modernist
Joined: 23 Mar 2011
Location: The 90s
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| Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 4:48 pm Post subject: |
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| just find a pretty girl who doesn't really care about family that much, doesn't consider you a walking ATM, and swallows. Put a ring on it if you find it, because you'll probably never find it again. |
Wow. Romantic to the core, this one. Was it, like, difficult to fight off all the girls in the West trying to get a piece of your amazing self?
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| I knew it soon after we started dating that she was the one because of these very reasons. |
Yeah. I bet. Aren't you the one who seems primarily concerned with how often, how well and how, uh, distinctively she can have sex with you? This really seems to be your main consideration. Who cares about things like intelligence or ethics or cultural connections? It's all about being 'freaky,' apparently.
This thread in general is funny, though. Extraordinary what some of you put up with. And being linked to this Godforsaken dump of a country for life, too! Hah! Lucky you! Congratulations!
Myself, just got back from Singapore. You want to see some REAL quality women, that's where you look. Professionals, beautiful without having to try so hard, perfect English with a sleek Anglo gloss, proper food, clean and attractive streets with no piles of garbage everywhere, better shopping, better restaurants, better buildings, better everything. Seoul will NEVER EVER come CLOSE to matching Singapore for quality of life, or quality of people either for that matter. |
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