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Jodami
Joined: 08 Feb 2013
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 Posted: Tue Oct 29, 2013 4:59 am Post subject: |
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| rabidcake wrote: |
| but if she's going to be open-minded she has to accept that the Korean way is the right way in Korea. |
Somebody pass me the sick bucket, puuuurrrrrrlease. 
And Koreans accept this in our countries?......when in fact the plane can't even take off, coz it's overloaded with kimchi. 
Gimmee a break Sir Apologist, ffs.  |
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hiamnotcool
Joined: 06 Feb 2012
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| Posted: Tue Oct 29, 2013 5:22 am Post subject: |
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| rabidcake wrote: |
The OP then wonder why she might be miserable because she doesn't have any friends and blames it on a "rigid" culture that doesn't accept others.
Not understandable. She might know some Korean and be in Korean classes the same way Chinese students might know some English and attend graduate Economics classes, but if she's going to be open-minded she has to accept that the Korean way is the right way in Korea. She doesn't have to necessarily even like the culture, but she shouldn't be confused when things are done in a Korean style. |
It is understandable though. She has lived in the country for 3 years. She has socialized with her age group. She has studied in the country. She can communicate with the people in the country.
She has all the tools she needs to make her own personal judgement. You may not like the fact that she has a different opinion than you and her opinion happens to be negative, but it is still an informed opinion. I think the bottom line is she doesn't buy into the idea that the Korean way is the right way, even in Korea. She doesn't have to either, that's like, on a subconscious level, or something, man.
What I'm basically getting is the only opinions about Korea that you will accept as informed are positive opinions. Even if it's some guy that just happened to get a one room in Hongdae at the age of 24 and has only been there for 3 months, and can't tell you the difference between Korea and Japan, if his opinion is positive it must be informed right? Not the girl that has been attending a Korean university for 3 years. Her opinion is negative and therefore invalid.
It's good for her to be honest. I don't see why that is so hard to understand. She can advise people about attending University in Korea and they can make their opinion based off her personality vs their own personality. This would prevent people from coming here and being miserable. |
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Steelrails
Joined: 12 Mar 2009
Location: Earth, Solar System
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| Posted: Tue Oct 29, 2013 3:00 pm Post subject: |
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[quote="Jodami"]
| rabidcake wrote: |
| but if she's going to be open-minded she has to accept that the Korean way is the right way in Korea. |
Somebody pass me the sick bucket, puuuurrrrrrlease.
And Koreans accept this in our countries?......when in fact the plane can't even take off, coz it's overloaded with kimchi.
Gimmee a break Sir Apologist, ffs. [/quote
I'll say this about Koreans in America, they may complain and moan about a fair number of things, but one thing they understand- If they fail in America it is on THEM. Something about that whole Korean judgmental complex and success story worship combined with keeping up with the Kims means that those who can't hack it here will blame themselves over American society.
What, you think all those students who went overseas for 2 years for "English study" were just going there for short-term living? That's what their parents said or told their kids in case things didn't work out and they couldn't hack it and end up working in a dry-cleaners or cooking at a Korean restaurant. They need a cover story for the shame.
They know the deal- Either join a church and get involved and find all the networks, friendships, and support structures there, or face the world on their own and risk collapse (but potentially have more freedom).
OP reminds me of one of those NETs who comes over who isn't a big drinker, doesn't want to spend money, isn't into sports, and then moans about how they just stay at home and how bored they are and have no real friends and blah blah blah.
"Why doesn't everyone want to eat vegetarian kimbap everyday, sit around in the kimbap place drinking the 500 won coffee out of the machine, play Egyptian RatSlap, and talk about my favorite hipster band?"
Sorry- the majority decision is people are going to go out and drink, some will be smokers, people will be eating BBQ and spicy food, we might have some sports on the TV, shooting pool, throwing darts, drinking good beer and whiskey, playing soccer on the weekends, go clubbin, and those of us over 30 aren't going to give a crap about any music you listen to and make the youtube comp put Led Zeppelin, Hank Jr., Motown, Tupac, and some 90s alternative on. Stupid kids under 30.
Man I'm turning into a cantankerous coot. |
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wishfullthinkng
Joined: 05 Mar 2010
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| Posted: Wed Oct 30, 2013 5:49 pm Post subject: |
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| Jodami wrote: |
| rabidcake wrote: |
| but if she's going to be open-minded she has to accept that the Korean way is the right way in Korea. |
Somebody pass me the sick bucket, puuuurrrrrrlease.
And Koreans accept this in our countries?......when in fact the plane can't even take off, coz it's overloaded with kimchi.
Gimmee a break Sir Apologist, ffs. |
funny you mention planes. many polls from airline attendants put americans as the least desirable passengers, for good reason (see: your mentality).
this is not your plane and it never will be. get a grip on reality and deal with it. |
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hiamnotcool
Joined: 06 Feb 2012
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| Posted: Wed Oct 30, 2013 7:26 pm Post subject: |
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| wishfullthinkng wrote: |
| Jodami wrote: |
| rabidcake wrote: |
| but if she's going to be open-minded she has to accept that the Korean way is the right way in Korea. |
Somebody pass me the sick bucket, puuuurrrrrrlease.
And Koreans accept this in our countries?......when in fact the plane can't even take off, coz it's overloaded with kimchi.
Gimmee a break Sir Apologist, ffs. |
funny you mention planes. many polls from airline attendants put americans as the least desirable passengers, for good reason (see: your mentality).
this is not your plane and it never will be. get a grip on reality and deal with it. |
By plane do you mean the earth? Or just Korea? Or are you talking about the USA? If you are talking about Korea is that North and South Korea or just South Korea? Where in South Korea? meh.
The Korean way is right in some ways and wrong in some ways. Historically Korea has benefited from replacing the "Korean way" with the "Foreign way" every once in a while. Right now a lot of universities in Korea are pushing for foreign students to attend. There have a been a few scandals. If the universities want to give up on admitting foreign students that is their business, but if they want to be successful in recruiting foreign students at some point they will have to listen to those students feedback - negative and positive. I think they are doing this, and I think eventually these rough spots will be smoothed over. It might just be a personal problem with OP, but that doesn't mean the university shouldn't take her situation in consideration to figure out if it is more than that. |
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TheUrbanMyth
Joined: 28 Jan 2003
Location: Retired
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| Posted: Wed Oct 30, 2013 8:37 pm Post subject: |
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| hiamnotcool wrote: |
| [ It might just be a personal problem with OP, but that doesn't mean the university shouldn't take her situation in consideration to figure out if it is more than that. |
How is the university supposed to know there is a problem? Has she talked to anyone in charge there? I don't see it in her posts. |
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rabidcake
Joined: 10 Aug 2009
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| Posted: Thu Oct 31, 2013 12:47 am Post subject: |
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| hiamnotcool wrote: |
It's good for her to be honest. I don't see why that is so hard to understand. She can advise people about attending University in Korea and they can make their opinion based off her personality vs their own personality. This would prevent people from coming here and being miserable. |
Perhaps I wasn't clear with my previous items or the manner in which I wrote my responses. I of course respect everyone's opinion, not everyone has to like living in Korea or being a part of the culture. It's good to be honest with yourself and objective.
What I find difficult to understand is that the OP is upset about not being part of the group and doesn't have any friends, yet she doesn't want to participate in the cultural rules and as she says "likes to criticize" which a lot of Koreans are not happy with.
Anyhow, that being said I wish the OP the best of wishes. I certainly respect her opinion as I respect your opinion, but I definitely think she is taking the wrong attitude and approach towards her situation. Fortunately she can always go home after this last year. |
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Jongno2bucheon
Joined: 11 Mar 2014
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| Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2014 8:19 am Post subject: Re: Rant of a female university student in Korea |
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| blackinque wrote: |
I think I am at a crossroad. Korea has presented me with two choices: give up part of myself to fit into the group, or keep being myself and live as a social outcast. Both are terrible ...
I am a full time university student in Korea, studying amongst Koreans, taking classes in Korean, with Korean teachers. I have immersed myself in all that is Korea without really thinking that it would lead to this.
I really can't give up half of who I am, I don't think I am able to. I am afraid of even trying because I don't want to lose my individuality. I am not going to give up my sense of self.
I believe this is the core reason as to why I am depressed right now. I have opted to become a recluse. I have not had a conversation with another human being in months. Going to classes at university at this point has become unbearable. I literally cannot stop myself from crying in class anymore, when I see everyone chatting and laughing happily, knowing I am not welcome in this type of society until I decide to adhere to its strict rules.
I have one year left in this country. It is going to be a nightmare year. I don't want to live in solitude anymore. I don't want to stay amongst these cruel and horrible people anymore. But if I do leave, right now, I will have wasted 4 years of my life. |
as a kyopo I did something similar by working in a korean company.
I guess school is different since work was all about who can benefit from each other. I would advise to go to MTs as a senior and start to be the sunbae role with your hoobaes. This way you can be less lonely yet stay yourself since your the senior
I think this will work for you. Of course as a sunbae you will be allowed more freedom but you should pay and look after them. You will feel less suuffocated this way |
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wanderkind
Joined: 01 Jan 2012
Location: Japan
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| Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2014 9:46 pm Post subject: |
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Someone who detests being alone isn't really a lone wolf...
| blackinque wrote: |
The biggest thing that comes to mind is Korea's view towards criticism. I criticize a lot, but whenever I do it around Koreans it makes them really uncomfortable. I am not allowed to say anything negative really, but this is a big part of me.
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My approach to life in Korea is the same as when I go to a strangers home. I act on my best behaviour, subscribing to their house rules, and being polite. If I'm in the home of a friend, things are more laid back.
You don't go to a stranger's home and directly criticize them. Isn't that universally agreed upon?
But in a friend's home you could throw your two cents around, and they'd probably take it in stride, if not welcome it.
Read the room. If you're around strangers, probably not the right crowd for venting about Korea. If you're among friends, they'll probably be a lot more sympathetic. It'll go a long way towards making those friends if you don't open things up with the former approach. |
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oatmeal
Joined: 26 Nov 2013
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| Posted: Mon Mar 17, 2014 4:46 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with Wander.
I really sympathize with you blackinique and I sincerely hope you will find a better way, but at the same time, I don't agree with the sentiments of most english teachers and migrant workers who come to Korea for a job that Korea has offered and pays pretty well, and then they have nothing but complaints and bash the country and it's culture and peoples. Nobody is holding a gun to anybody's head. If someone doesn't like Korea, just leave. No need to criticize the country and its peoples and culture if it doesn't seem "americanized" enough for them.
In your case, you are a student so I'm sure you're not getting paid to study here (or are you? Was it a scholarship?). I don't know if you are an international student or maybe a child of mixed parent heritage? But I would suggest that if you really feel that you don't fit in, why not apply to study abroad elsewhere? There are plenty of great universities in Australia, Canada, US, Europe, even other asian countries with more diversity (ie Singapore). You might be able to fit in there better.
I just disagree with people who think their job is to change korea and koreans to become more like them. The onus is on us to change and fit into korean society as oppose to expecting a all koreans and korean culture to bow down to my idea of what society should be like when I'm not even a citizen of this country and have no right to vote.
I know it sucks, but hey, as I said, nobody is holding a gun to anyone's head here. Some people love korea and stay, and others hate it and leave. Those that are inbetween (hate korea but stay and complain), are the ones that need to decide, "should I stay or should I go?"
Best of luck to you! |
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Lucidmike78
Joined: 20 Aug 2012
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2014 6:02 am Post subject: Re: Rant of a female university student in Korea |
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Just food for thought. What is the possibility that you'd be just as miserable and lonely if you were back home at your native country, but living in a new city? Probably much lower, but it's not guaranteed 0%. A lot of high school and college students would say everything you said verbatim in their native countries because they have difficulties finding friends.
The mistake is to give up and not try to change your situation such as never leaving your home outside of school or never starting a conversation with someone you don't know because it's not what you do.
You always have to make the effort. The less people you know, the more effort you have to make. Just a guess, but I'm willing to bet making new friends after college in your native country is probably as difficult as making new friends in a foreign country in college. |
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Mr. Pink
Joined: 21 Oct 2003
Location: China
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2014 10:34 pm Post subject: Re: Rant of a female university student in Korea |
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| blackinque wrote: |
| Paddycakes wrote: |
| If you're looking to restore your faith in humanity, Dave's may not be the best place to hang out... |
Nah, that's not something I'm aiming for. I guess, I'm just curious how people manage to live in this country without getting depressed like me. How is it even possible to be content with living years, decades, outside of society? |
Society is what you make of it. Why do you have to hang with Koreans?
Also, why would you pick going to a Korean university if you weren't up for hanging with them? University is only 4 years too...and I guess you are young and don't realize, you would be in the same boat at any university. |
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DosEquisXX
Joined: 04 Nov 2009
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| Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2014 5:55 am Post subject: Re: Rant of a female university student in Korea |
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| blackinque wrote: |
I think I am at a crossroad. Korea has presented me with two choices: give up part of myself to fit into the group, or keep being myself and live as a social outcast. Both are terrible ...
I am a full time university student in Korea, studying amongst Koreans, taking classes in Korean, with Korean teachers. I have immersed myself in all that is Korea without really thinking that it would lead to this.
I really can't give up half of who I am, I don't think I am able to. I am afraid of even trying because I don't want to lose my individuality. I am not going to give up my sense of self.
I believe this is the core reason as to why I am depressed right now. I have opted to become a recluse. I have not had a conversation with another human being in months. Going to classes at university at this point has become unbearable. I literally cannot stop myself from crying in class anymore, when I see everyone chatting and laughing happily, knowing I am not welcome in this type of society until I decide to adhere to its strict rules.
I have one year left in this country. It is going to be a nightmare year. I don't want to live in solitude anymore. I don't want to stay amongst these cruel and horrible people anymore. But if I do leave, right now, I will have wasted 4 years of my life. |
You might be missing home a bit. I felt the same exact way close to the end of my teaching contract. The connections I had at home were much deeper and personal than ones I had overseas because you could be yourself and not risk rejection. I could talk about my various dorky hobbies and they would understand me. In Korea, most of my activities involved drinking, eating, or getting laid. As nice as that is, I would have liked to connect better with somebody.
After a while of dealing with this, I just said the hell with it, started being myself rather than putting up a front to please other people. If people don't approve of who I am, then they weren't worth spending time with anyway.
As a result of this philosophy, I may not be liked by everybody but I have a small group of friends who I can be honest with. To me, the sacrifice was worth it. |
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