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Drew345
Joined: 24 May 2005
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 Posted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 3:39 pm Post subject: Unconfirmed meeting appointments; proper manners? |
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I get into a situation quite a lot socially here in Korea where I talk with someone about meeting in the next few days and they say "let's talk that morning" or even "I'll let you know an hour before."
I never really ran into this so much before, in America people can be kind of obsessed the other way, using appointment books and scheduling in and confirming every hour.
I can respect if people want to live freely without appointments. Most of my friends are middle aged or even retired, not sure if younger Koreans do this too.
But my question is this: What am I socially responsible for after a person says "Lets meet Sunday afternoon, I'll call you that morning and let you know." Am I free to make other plans that are confirmed? Do
I have to leave Sunday open just in case that person does end up with free time? If another friend calls and wants to meet Sunday, can I accepts that second invitation? Then what do I tell the first person? "Sorry, since you couldn't tell me for sure I just made other confirmed plans?"
I guess I like to live with appointments, especially in the weekends, and I never had so many people make "tentative" meeting appointments before and not sure what to do. I'd like to tell them to just kiss-off if they can't confirm, but it seems so common here in Korea not sure of proper manners. |
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SeoulNate
Joined: 04 Jun 2010
Location: Hyehwa
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| Posted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 3:42 pm Post subject: |
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I would agree with that you that it seems to be the norm here (and actually in other non NA countries as well).
It bothers the hell out of me, and usually I just let people know fairly bluntly that it doesn't fly for me. |
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Drew345
Joined: 24 May 2005
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| Posted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 6:00 pm Post subject: |
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It just happened again! I offered to meet someone this afternoon, they said they weren't sure. Then this morning they call and seem upset that I am no longer available. I mean, if someone is not sure, then I am free to make other plans? right? What is the etiquette in this kind of "not sure I'll let you know later" Korean lifestyle.
(I kind of wish I could just do that too. But I don't find it relaxing, instead it drives me crazy.) |
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OBwannabe
Joined: 16 Feb 2008
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| Posted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 9:38 pm Post subject: Re: Unconfirmed meeting appointments; proper manners? |
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| Drew345 wrote: |
If another friend calls and wants to meet Sunday, can I accepts that second invitation? Then what do I tell the first person? "Sorry, since you couldn't tell me for sure I just made other confirmed plans?"
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This. |
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Fox
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 10:15 pm Post subject: |
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| SeoulNate wrote: |
I would agree with that you that it seems to be the norm here (and actually in other non NA countries as well).
It bothers the hell out of me, and usually I just let people know fairly bluntly that it doesn't fly for me. |
My feeling on the matter is similar, and I have also had to let people know that I want nothing to do with this kind of behavior. Not aggressively, just informatively.
| Drew345 wrote: |
| It just happened again! I offered to meet someone this afternoon, they said they weren't sure. Then this morning they call and seem upset that I am no longer available. I mean, if someone is not sure, then I am free to make other plans? right? What is the etiquette in this kind of "not sure I'll let you know later" Korean lifestyle. |
The "etiquette," if you can call it that, is that they're happy to take advantage of your flexibility if you let them take advantage of it. If they "weren't sure," then that means you were some sort of fallback plan for them: something with which to fill time if nothing better came up. Sure, perhaps they were upset: upset that you "turned the tables" on them and left them out in the cold instead of the reverse, even if you had no intention of doing such. |
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SeoulNate
Joined: 04 Jun 2010
Location: Hyehwa
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| Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2016 6:33 pm Post subject: |
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| Drew345 wrote: |
It just happened again! I offered to meet someone this afternoon, they said they weren't sure. Then this morning they call and seem upset that I am no longer available. I mean, if someone is not sure, then I am free to make other plans? right? What is the etiquette in this kind of "not sure I'll let you know later" Korean lifestyle.
(I kind of wish I could just do that too. But I don't find it relaxing, instead it drives me crazy.) |
Personally, I tell them right up front to not even bother with it.
Them: I'm not sure, I might be able to make it this sunday afternoon.
Me: It's okay. Next time. When you have time, let me know.
Done.
If they want to commit, sure, I'm down. However, I am not about to wait for their plans, or let them abuse my lack of plans to use me as an out if their other plans fall through. |
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Coltronator
Joined: 04 Dec 2013
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| Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2016 11:50 pm Post subject: |
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| I am proud of this discussion. It has a topic based in culture yet has not degenerated into an vile argument or vile high fiving each other for one upping the other's hate for all things Korean. Kudos to all involved for a critical yet sensible conversation. |
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