Korean Job Discussion Forums

[JongnoGuru]

Put yourself in my shoes.

(Oh, and Swiss James? I��m particularly interested in hearing how you��d handle this, so listen up.)

A Korean male friend who I��ve known for several years asked me one day, seemingly out of the blue, ��Do you like honey?�� Well, as it happens, the Guru is rather partial to a spoonful with his tea now & then. Yes, quite partial. ��Yes, I do.�� And that was it. Discussion over and forgotten. (or so I thought.)

Fast-forward a few weeks. The same friend comes up to the house with his then-fiancee, proudly carrying a large wooden box. As I reach out to accept the proffered box, having utterly forgotten our 10-second ��conversation�� about honey several weeks earlier, he announces (as Koreans often will when handing you a wrapped gift): ��It��s honey!�� Well, blow me down! A gigantic jar of honey!

We all walk into the house as he explains that his fiancee��s uncle owns a bee farm, and that this is special honey from the whatever-whatever blossom, and it��s considered the best in the Korea – No! Best in the world!

So we get inside and I open the box, thanking them profusely, making a big deal of clearing a space in our cabinets just to store this mighty, mighty jar of heaven��s nectar. ��Shall I open it now and we can try some?�� ��No, no – you must save it for another day, yadda, yadda����

The three of us sat around the coffee table, I thanked them again for such a thoughtful gift, asked about the uncle��s farm, etc. I run out of topics for small talk before long, neither of them speak any English, and they aren��t saying much in Korean this whole while, either. I sensed that the guy is working up the courage to say something. Maybe they want to leave, but can��t find a polite way to say so. I hint to them that I��ve got things to do as well, and it��s okay if they have to go. But no, that��s not it...

The guy starts talking about the honey again, how rare it is, and what truly staggering sums Japanese tourists eagerly pay for a jar like the one I received. As it dawns on me where the conversation is going, the guy tells me that, because I��m his friend, they were able to get the jar for a fraction over cost – a mere 140,000 won!

I was gobsmacked�� Maintaining a smile was never more painful or difficult. Feelings of embarrassment, extreme annoyance, perturbation and despair began to rise, as I struggled to find a diplomatic ��way out.�� One thing was clear, though – I didn��t have 140,000 won on hand, so I couldn't be shamed into saving anyone��s face by shelling out an amount that is several times more than I��ll spend on honey my entire life.

I went back to the kitchen, pulled the jar down from the cabinet, brought it back to them, and apologized. I then proceeded to take the coward��s way out: I told them my Korean girlfriend would skin me alive if she knew what this cost. (BTW, Korean girlfriends or wives are also your best defence against unsolicited loan requests, and from my experience they have no qualms at all about, and indeed relish playing the ��bad guy�� in such situations.)

Had my friend been alone, I��d have asked him if he was in some financial difficulty and needed a small loan. We were close enough friends that I MIGHT have helped him out. But as his girlfriend was there, I didn��t want to ratchet up the embarrassment any further.

Good lord, was it ever an uncomfortable scene all around – the kind you��ll do anything to prevent from reoccurring. But how, exactly? How should I have answered when he asked me if I liked honey? ��No! Hate the vile stuff!! Honey? Damn it to hell! Blecchhh!!!����?

My girlfriend��s response to the whole adventure was, ��Haa-haa! NOW you know why Koreans always answer any question with 'Why do you want to know?'"

The Guru

[schwa]

Your girlfriend is wise.

[Mr. Literal]

[kangnamdragon]

Yes, your girlfriend's comment teaches us all a lesson.

[mysteriousdeltarays]

In my case, I feel pulling a ritualized suicide attempt usually works wonders in such cases of cultural misunderstanding.

I think in the future that you should turn on all the gass jets for say twenty minutes and then offer them a cigarette prEferably Camel unfiltered.

But then what do I know?

[hellofaniceguy]

You should have told them the truth and educated him/her on world ways and that is, "I didn't ask you to spend my money and how would you like it if I did it to you?"
You didn't have to be diplomatic or use the GF bit to weasel out of it!
Hell, 140,000 big ones!
You bet I'd be raising a squak!

[paul]

There is no shame in declining this "gift" of honey. What a joke! He actually thought he was doing you a favor???

I agree with informing him of the ways of the western world in this case.

I think Asian culture can be charming at times, but when it concerns money, it is one of the strangest cultures!

Maybe, since he is so close to you, he should be pulled aside at a discrete moment and told of his faux-pas so as not to embarrass himself like this again.

[Pyongshin Sangja]

Sounds like you got set up. I bet the honey was man won. How could honey be that much?

[the eye]

Guru...

i fail to see, by your example, that your friend was asking for money. a large jar of acacia blossom honey can be hilariously pricey.

in my experience, koreans often brag about how much something is worth to the 'un-koreanized'. sometimes it seems as if they are trying to show you how 'good' a friend they are.
i have had everything from silver wristlets, to hand made tea sets given to me...and in each case it was made known how priceless the gift was.

....just my take

[diver]

[chiaa]

From what I know about Korea and Koreans, that would have been rude to do to any Korean as well. Sounds like your "friend" is either not too bright, trying to take advantage because you are "rich" (they always think that), or just plain rude.

I have to say though, what a funny situation you were put in. That is one for a book.

http://www.whatthebook.com

[JongnoGuru]

[JongnoGuru]

[JongnoGuru]

[shawner88]

I just contacted Swiss James and explained the situation. He's not near a computer right now. He asked me to write this:

Guru, where can I get in contact with that man? honey not only tastes magnificant with tea, but it also acts as a stimulating lubrication. Please send your friend's contact information to me on PM.


Actually he's from England so it sounded more like this:


Guru, where can one get in contact with that chap? honey not only tastes magnificant with tea, don't you know, but it also acts as ah stimulating lubricatiohn. 140,000 is peanuts for a chap like myself. please send your friend's contact informatiohn to myself ohn pm. Goodness me!