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Cymro
Joined: 11 Jun 2004
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 Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 12:01 am Post subject: Adapting to Culture Vs. Adapting to Confucianism |
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My Korean girlfriend's father has never said a word to me. Not even an acknowledgement of my presence in any language, despite me always greeting him with a slight bow and an "�ȳ��ϼ���"
A few months of this and he's now got in a strop that I merely greeted him with �ȳ��ϼ��� the other day and I didn't bow.
I've bowed before, because it's polite and the thing to do. I accept things with both hands, because it's the polite way to do things here. It's the culture. I try to speak Korean because it's the language here.
Culture I can deal with.
Being polite to someone who has nothing positive to say about me and nothing whatsoever to say in my presence is different. This man still expects me to bow and show him the greatest respect.
I feel it's not about curteousness or culture anymore. It's about confucianism.
He's older than me so he can treat me anyway he wishes, but I should always respect and be polite to him.
I don't believe in confucianism in the same way as I don't believe in any religion. While confucianism isn't really a religion, surely it's something that you cannot and should not expect everyone to follow and abide by?
Am I right here, or what?
How do you imagine it would go down me telling him I'll be as polite to him as he is to me?
(The mother's very nice and makes a great effort to make me feel comfortable despite she doesn't speak a word of English.) |
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skinhead
Joined: 11 Jun 2004
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| Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 12:43 am Post subject: |
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| "I know man. It's all fucked up." Sparkx |
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Mashimaro
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: location, location
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| Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 1:23 am Post subject: Re: Adapting to Culture Vs. Adapting to Confucianism |
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| Cymro wrote: |
I feel it's not about curteousness or culture anymore. It's about confucianism.
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You can't turn culture and confucianism into separate issues in this sense. Confucianism is a huge part of the culture and determines every relationship between this big 'family' of 50 million koreans. It also defines us us outsiders and not part of the family (�츮). Like it or not confucianism is korean culture. I'd suggest next time you see the father bow even deeper and say �ȳ��Ͻʴϱ� instead of �ȳ��ϼ���. I know it sucks but it will make you look like you are making even more of an effort and it will make his ignorance of you look even more rude to anyone around. |
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Pyongshin Sangja
Joined: 20 Apr 2003
Location: I love baby!
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| Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 2:23 am Post subject: |
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| Maybe he just doesn't like you. Some fathers back home can be pretty brutal too. And much more vocal about it. |
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manlyboy
Joined: 01 Aug 2004
Location: Darwin, Northern Territory, Australia
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| Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 3:41 am Post subject: |
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When we were just dating, my wife's parents were both very cold and dismissive towards me. Since we got married they treat me like the sun shines out my *beep*!  Go figure! |
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chiaa
Joined: 23 Aug 2003
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| Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 4:27 am Post subject: |
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You never adapt,; you just learn to either:
Ignore it.
Laugh it off.
I guess that could be adapting. 
http://www.whatthebook.com |
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djsmnc
Joined: 20 Jan 2003
Location: Dave's ESL Cafe
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| Posted: Mon Aug 16, 2004 7:04 am Post subject: |
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| Wow! You actually met her father? |
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