Korean Job Discussion Forums

[noelinkorea]

One gay man's persepective here...When I first arrived in Korea more than three years ago, it surprised how affectionate Korean men were to one another. It nonetheless surprises me how much more American men touch each other here than from my own country. As others have pointed out, however, Koreans generally are ignorant of what may seem to be homosexual-like actions to us Western folk. I used to hold the view that Koreans think homosexuality doesn't exist - but I no longer do.

I have talked with many a gay (Korean) friend here, and they tell me that it is known - especially due to the outing of that actor some years back. Just the other day in my Korean class, the subject came up - it was the Korean teacher herself who brought up the issue, though she was talking about a gay French man she'd liked. She interrupted herself midway to ask if any of us in the class were gay (no answer from me...), and continued.

The gay Korean men that I know are a mixed lot - the majority don't let people other than gay folk know they are gay, some are out to straight friends, and I know two who are married with kids but are gay. I know just another two people who are out to everyone. There are gay groups at some of the universities, including the one I attend. There is also a crafty matchmaking service (of sorts) for those who are compelled to marry for their parents sake, and so have a fellow homosexual of the opposite sex as a "partner", with an eye to eventual marriage, if necessary. You all know how Koreans obey their parents, and this is a rather practical (if questionable in my eyes) way of dealing with the pressures of being gay in Korea.

Of the two I know who are out, one had had a brief, serious medical problem and had revealed to his mother that he was gay - she has since made him see a psychiatrist/psychologist. The other is extremely camp, and his mother knows (no father). Oh - through a friend I know a transsexual (male to female), who ran into her parents accidentally years after the operation. They are from outside Seoaul, and have given money and are supportive. My partner's family doesn't know, but he has chosen to tell a good number of friends - including those from his hometown also. He is generally rather quiet about the whole issue. He wishes to study and live in the US, believing that it is the bastion of freedom (albeit gay) that AFN would have you believe. The pressure to marry and a potential confrontation with his parents over the failure to produce offspring especially propels him (he tells me....only in simple, less passionate words!!).

Koreans like very much to people to label and box everything neatly - so there's seems to be in my mind a very clear idea about what the (male) homosexual is - effeminate, camp and submissive - not a lot different from the Western stereotype. Some of you may also know that there are plenty of gay areas in Seoul - clubs, lounge bars, restaurants, noraebangs clubs, saunas, jjimjilbangs, cinemas, parks...no different to any other major city in the world. There is also an infamous "Lesbian Park" behind Hyundae Department Store in Shinchon.

Unfortuantely, I have to agree with some of the folk who have said that Koreans tend to think of it as a Western disease. But this isn't because it's a disease - Koreans tend to very much base everything around race first, what they are and are not, and what outsiders are or are not. They do not immediately create other groups before the Korean and non-Korean groups. What Koreans dislike invariably seems to come from beyond its shores - you don't really hear how red pepper was brought to Korean by the Japanese (from the Portugese), for example. Getting a little of track here...

Have I faced discrimnation here? No. I am not totally honest with all Koreans about myself for the fact that it can often make others uncomfortable. I tell other Westerners, but my 'policy' is essentially only to speak about myself when it is directly asked to me. So Koreans rarely ask that of anyone...I didn't answer in class 'cos it was a surrpise straight off (though I'm sure I did turn red...). I did have an incident when I first arrived here, however. I asked a taxi-driver where I could go (in Daejeon) to find such a gay club. He was old, didn't know, so took me to the police station to ask there!! They looked through their info, but didn't know either - there was a bad moment in there, though I was highly embarrassed!!

That it exists in Korea, there is general acceptance I think. That is in some way natural, non-foreign and that is not wrong in some fundamental way I think Koreans have yet to adapt to that...again, that is not amazingly different from other countries, however. The interestingly humourous issue for me is that the male-to-female ratio in this place is wacko, so either there are going to be more homosexuals about the place, or Korean men will have to marry foreigners (a crushing blow to "racial purity"). Either way, there's going to have to be some rule changes.

[Daechidong Waygookin]

[Derrek]

Wow, that was an informative post, Noel. Good one.

[eamo]

Good post Noel. Interesting to get a new perspective on Korea.

I think it's very inventive for a gay man and a lesbian to fake a relationship to keep their families oblivious. It's not very honest I know, but some Korean parents would completely cut off their children if they found out they were gay. So it's probably down to the sons and daughters not wanting to lose their parents.

[Corporal]

[Daechidong Waygookin]

[crazylemongirl]

[mindmetoo]

[mindmetoo]

[Hollywoodaction]

noelinkorea, you basically repeated everything I've been told over 5 years ago by one of my friends who happened to be gay. Things don't seem to have changed much since then. Ha Ri Su seems to have helped a bit with the way young Koreans perceive sexual identity (and many of them grew up idolizing the Korean celebrity who lost his job as a children entertainer). However, I would probably be a different story if she looked very masculine.

What if Korean men touch each other more than foreigners because they are more secure in their masculinity than we are? You often see such things in patriarchal societies. For example, Russian men think of nothing of kissing each other on the cheek. In other words, it's a sign of their ultra-masculinity. Kind of interesting some people see it otherwise.

[Blind Willie]

[Corporal]

[noelinkorea]

[Daechidong Waygookin]

[canadian_in_korea]

I don't think women or men who date/marry someone of another race have a "fetish"....however I think when someone feels they are being stereotyped...they take great offense. I have read some posts here....regarding "western women" and I can see why western women become somewhat...agitated. You see....everyone has bad experiences in the dating aspect of their life....although some people don't....the majority of us do. I married a Korean man.....should I tell everyone all the faults of western men..? Considering I haven't dated every western man in the wolrd ...I can't do that can I ? I think it is safe to say.....that when people make statements they should keep them limited to their own experiences...I can tell you about the western men i dated.....but I can't say all western men are "the same". Its something to keep in mind before passing judgements on western women that you have never met....