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OK to be unmarried and living together in Korea?
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kiwiheather2



Joined: 29 Mar 2005

PostPosted: Tue Mar 29, 2005 6:15 pm    Post subject: OK to be unmarried and living together in Korea? Reply with quote

Hey everyone,
I've been looking at these lists and haven't found the answer to my question.

My partner and I are hoping to travel to Korea next year, me to teach English and him to teach Science/Physics at an international school. We are unmarried (shock horror) though intending on tying the knot -when its higher on the priority list, at the mo under paying off student loans!!

But will being unmarried affect our ability to find:
a) accomodation?
b) jobs?

Also, is there a difference in opinion regarding unmarried couples co-habitin between larger cities and smaller ones?

There was a thread about being unmarried but it seemed to focus more on why people are getting divorced (which Im hoping wont happen to me!)

Thanks for any thoughts/comments, MUCH appreciated!! Very Happy
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Koreabound2004



Joined: 19 Nov 2003

PostPosted: Tue Mar 29, 2005 6:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You should be able to find a job/accomodation here without too much difficulty. The need is definitely there, and so beggars can't be choosers.

Living with your fiancee before marriage will definitely be frowned upon by many Koreans(particularly older folks) and in smaller towns more so...but then again you will be frowned upon for many other things you do here...can't please everyone I say...so please yourself!

Might be easier to say that you are already married...this will stop you from constantly being asked when you are getting married, and if you are planning to tie the knot in Korea...and blalalablbalbala.....

Anyways, good luck with coming here!
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Hanson



Joined: 20 Oct 2004

PostPosted: Tue Mar 29, 2005 6:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I've been living with my Kyopo (Korean-Aussie) fiancee for several years now and her immediate family here in Korea has been cool with it (surprisingly, seeing as Koreans are very conservative on this front). Some of the extended family (uncles and aunts mostly) raise an eyebrow or two, but we're not too concerned about what they think.

The bigger shock came when we recently told them that we are pregnant with our first child. That seemed to cause much more of a 'but, but, .... you're not married yet!?!' kind of reaction, but they are coming around. What they say behind our backs, however, is another matter.

In your situation, especially if you are both of foreign descent, not much will come of it. Finding accomodation will be no problem at all - think of it as you two being roommates. Same goes with the jobs.

The only problem I can foresee is if you want the 'free accomodation' - provided by the school/hagwon/institute. Some places want teachers who work at the same school/institute to share accomodation with other teachers in the same school/institute. Others provide single housing.

If you were to choose to live in your own apartment, you can sometimes get a stipend, or living allowance, from the school/institute which would go toward paying your rent and/or key money.

I don't think there is a difference between big or small cities on this matter. Your biggest hurdle, in my opinion, will be in terms of what the average Korean will think of your "blasphemous" living arrangements...

Hope this helps... Good luck Kiwiheather!
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manlyboy



Joined: 01 Aug 2004
Location: Darwin, Northern Territory, Australia

PostPosted: Tue Mar 29, 2005 8:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
OK to be unmarried and living together in Korea?


If you make lots of money for your boss - it's acceptable.

If you lose money for your boss - it's immoral.
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PolyChronic Time Girl



Joined: 15 Dec 2004
Location: Korea Exited

PostPosted: Tue Mar 29, 2005 8:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You shouldn't have problems, especially since you are a foreign female and Korean men won't feel threatened (if you were a foreign man)that you are living with a Korean girl (the most difficult situation, I imagine...anyone correct me if I'm wrong).
Since you are both foreigners, it should be no problem. Many Koreans will ask about your marriage status but, from my experience, hardly ever ask if you're living with your partner. It's rare for Korean couples to live together so people naturally assume you don't live together.
My fiance...he is all home-bred native Korean and we live together. For some reason, no one has preached to me about it or otherwise...but I really don't tell them...it's none of their business and they hardly ever ask. Hell, his mom even gave us the key money to our apartment! (But she's a rare, rare understanding Korean mom). But maybe that's because his family and friends know we are getting married...so I don't know.
Don't worry and happy cohabitation! Very Happy
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crazylemongirl



Joined: 23 Mar 2003
Location: almost there...

PostPosted: Tue Mar 29, 2005 9:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Simple soultion: Lie. They aren't going to be looking at your marriage certificate and it will make life 10 times easier. Chances are if you're living together they are going to assume your married anyway.
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kiwiheather2



Joined: 29 Mar 2005

PostPosted: Wed Mar 30, 2005 1:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A HUGE thanks to everyone who has posted replies! Very Happy
I really appreciate it. Now I know we wont be drummed outta town (Western style, with horses and bull-whips) for living in sin, bring ON the adventure!!
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Derrek



Joined: 15 Jan 2003

PostPosted: Wed Mar 30, 2005 3:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm sort of lost here... are you a couple as in two females?
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kiwiheather2



Joined: 29 Mar 2005

PostPosted: Wed Mar 30, 2005 3:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry if I wasn't clear! No, its me and my guy.
We're really happy together, part of this trip may be to save money for a wedding. But if we need to, we could do a registry ofice and keep it on the hush-hush till we got home and had a proper ceremony. Doesnt appeal much but we could if it was going to be easier.

Part of my concern is if something happened while in Korea and one of us ended up in hospital, and if we are unmarried I presume that we'd have no legal rights to do anything? Is that correct?
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Derrek



Joined: 15 Jan 2003

PostPosted: Wed Mar 30, 2005 3:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You are both Western?

Just tell everyone you're married (if you don't mind lying).

I only say that because some Koreans are very conservative. Your school's owner/boss might be. My school is like that. They almost hired a guy, worked out contract details, etc... then heard he asked one of the Korean teachers if they thought there would be a problem with him living with his Korean girlfriend.

They promptly either told him "no" or took back the job offer.

I heard there was a big fight over it, and I heard that the principal was so shocked that the foreigner acted so disrespectful and angry about it toward her.

Our Principal is very "old school" and seems to want to be very controlling.
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kiwiheather2



Joined: 29 Mar 2005

PostPosted: Wed Mar 30, 2005 3:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, we are both Kiwis-- I've got a Masters in Science (yeah I know, very useful when it comes to ESL teaching!) and will do a CELTA course in July, and my man is a high school teacher (Science/Physics- he'd like to teach at an international school instead of ESL).

So am I right that if either of us end up in hospital we can't make any decisons for the other? (bit of a gloomy thought).
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tzechuk



Joined: 20 Dec 2004

PostPosted: Wed Mar 30, 2005 4:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

kiwiheather2 wrote:
Yes, we are both Kiwis-- I've got a Masters in Science (yeah I know, very useful when it comes to ESL teaching!) and will do a CELTA course in July, and my man is a high school teacher (Science/Physics- he'd like to teach at an international school instead of ESL).

So am I right that if either of us end up in hospital we can't make any decisons for the other? (bit of a gloomy thought).


Get engaged. Write a will. Tell people that he is your next of kin.
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OiGirl



Joined: 23 Jan 2003
Location: Hoke-y-gun

PostPosted: Wed Mar 30, 2005 5:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

tzechuk wrote:
kiwiheather2 wrote:

So am I right that if either of us end up in hospital we can't make any decisons for the other? (bit of a gloomy thought).


Get engaged. Write a will. Tell people that he is your next of kin.

Will this actually work? I mean, will doctors let the next of kin make health care decisions?
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The Man known as The Man



Joined: 29 Mar 2003
Location: 3 cheers for Ted Haggard oh yeah!

PostPosted: Wed Mar 30, 2005 5:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Derrek wrote:
I'm sort of lost here... are you a couple as in two females?


Very Happy
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skimilk



Joined: 18 Mar 2005

PostPosted: Wed Mar 30, 2005 5:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

OiGirl wrote:
tzechuk wrote:
kiwiheather2 wrote:

So am I right that if either of us end up in hospital we can't make any decisons for the other? (bit of a gloomy thought).


Get engaged. Write a will. Tell people that he is your next of kin.

Will this actually work? I mean, will doctors let the next of kin make health care decisions?


i know that if you're married, in the u.s anyway, your husband is automatically your legal guardian and therefore can make all the decisions related to your medical condition if you're unable. but since engagement is not a legal bond, i'm not so sure if that will suffice.
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