| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
casey's moon
Joined: 14 Sep 2004
Location: Daejeon
|
 Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:57 am Post subject: Koreans (inlaws, actually) smoking in YOUR home |
 |
|
What do you do (would you do) about a Korean inlaw smoking in your home? My husband has just informed me that asking his dad to smoke outside was extremely uncomfortable and he felt quite rude doing it last time, and since his father smoked inside anyway (with the windows open at least  ), he feels it isn't worth the hassle. As a non-smoker with mild allergies and a serious hatred for the smell of smoke, particularly in my own home, what should I do? I asked my husband if I should try asking his father myself, in the most respectful way possible and he said that the request itself was way too rude, especially from a daughter-in-law.
HELP.  |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
peppergirl
Joined: 07 Dec 2003
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 5:06 am Post subject: Re: Koreans (inlaws, actually) smoking in YOUR home |
|
|
| casey's moon wrote: |
What do you do (would you do) about a Korean inlaw smoking in your home?
HELP. |
Get pregnant 
My husband told his father straight in his face to go smoke outside because it's not good for his unborn grandchild. He laughed that we were that concerned, and then went outside to smoke |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
SuperHero
Joined: 10 Dec 2003
Location: Superhero Hideout
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 5:21 am Post subject: |
|
|
Fortunately my father-in-law didn't even ask us, he just went outside and smoked there. I was quite happy.
It's your house and you have allergies, tell your husband to be firm with your father-in-law about no smoking. If he doesn't listen this time, then tell him he isn't welcome in the house and don't invite him back. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
JongnoGuru
Joined: 25 May 2004
Location: peeing on your doorstep
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 5:55 am Post subject: Re: Koreans (inlaws, actually) smoking in YOUR home |
|
|
| peppergirl wrote: |
| casey's moon wrote: |
What do you do (would you do) about a Korean inlaw smoking in your home?
HELP. |
Get pregnant
|
Or just lie and say that you are. And then when it drags on for a year & longer, just tell them it takes Canadians longer. Tell them Casey the Dog really doesn't like it. Tell them... hmm... tell them that you'll only allow it if you can smoke dope.
If you've already told them about your allergies and they're not buying it (btw, I've met Koreans who think smoke allergies are a ruse -- "Why kalbi smoke okay, but you biatching from cigarette smoke? You liar-man!"), then it may come down to an unpleasant decision for you.
Do you simply lay down the law to him, in disregard of your husband's apparent concerns, upsetting the time-honoured Confucian 'lay of the land'? The Korean parents' home is their home, and their son's home is their home. Or else every Korean TV drama ever made is a big, fat, hairy, dung-smelling lie.
Or ... politely excuse yourself to "tend to things" each and every time he lights up? I'd think that's got to get through to all of them.
*EDIT* -- Relations with inlaws are fraught with potential misunderstandings and misapprehensions (based on my sister's experience, anyway). A bit of give & take may be required. Making a big nasty stink about the smoking (which is how it may seem no matter how politely you try couch your "home rules") would, I think, be ideally followed by some kind gesture that shows you really do care for and respect your father-in-law. Surprise him by cooking (or treating him to) one of their favourite meals, or maybe get him a "thoughtful" gift.
What would _I_ personally do in that situation? Well, in the unlikely event that the Guru suddenly turns gay, goes out and gets himself one of them zame-zex marriages with a Korean dude, and the Korean dude's folks were all supportive and everything, and my...um... spouse's dad is a smoker, and he wants to smoke in our house (I'm feeling a bit dizzy right now), then I'd probably just go along with it. Cuz, damn ... I'd be such a world of confusion & hurt, I'd be hanging onto the walls for support. What's a little cigarette stink on top of everything else? Pffft! 
Last edited by JongnoGuru on Thu Apr 21, 2005 6:10 am; edited 1 time in total |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
ulsanchris
Joined: 19 Jun 2003
Location: take a wild guess
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 5:57 am Post subject: |
|
|
I'ld insist that your husband ask your father in law not to smoke. Especially if you are allergic to smoke. I had to get my wife to ask her mother not to smoke in my apartment after her mother unexpectedly lit up a smike in my apartment.
Part of your husbands job is standing up to his parents for you. IF he doesn't it might cause problems later on. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
plattwaz
Joined: 08 Apr 2005
Location: <Write something dumb here>
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 6:47 am Post subject: Re: Koreans (inlaws, actually) smoking in YOUR home |
|
|
| JongnoGuru wrote: |
(btw, I've met Koreans who think smoke allergies are a ruse |
Well, according to my allergist, you can't be allergic to cigarrette smoke. Smoke is not an allergen, it's an irritant.
(I was quite distressed to learn this as a teenager when I hoped that I could somehow force my dad to quit smoking due to me being "allerigic" to it.....)
Anyway, that's an aside, because I used to be really sensitive to cigarrette smoke and so I understand the stress over it.
I also think that it is your husband's responsibility to speak to his father about the situation...it's not an unreasonable request, and in today's world with so much awareness about second hand smoke, it's surprising that people even put up a fuss about being asked to butt out. There are ways that your husband can address it nicely, and if he won't/can't/doesn't....then my way would be to say something to himmyself - politely, but firmly. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
peppergirl
Joined: 07 Dec 2003
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 6:51 am Post subject: Re: Koreans (inlaws, actually) smoking in YOUR home |
|
|
| JongnoGuru wrote: |
| peppergirl wrote: |
| casey's moon wrote: |
What do you do (would you do) about a Korean inlaw smoking in your home?
HELP. |
Get pregnant
|
Or just lie and say that you are.
|
Or tell them the smoke is harmful for conceiving
As he's Korean, he's probably quite eager to have some grandkids. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
dogbert
Joined: 29 Jan 2003
Location: Killbox 90210
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 7:10 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Good luck...despite abundant evidence to the contrary, most Koreans seem to think that cigarette smoke is a flavor enhancer/air freshener/aphrodesiac. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
weatherman
Joined: 14 Jan 2003
Location: Korea
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 7:43 am Post subject: Re: Koreans (inlaws, actually) smoking in YOUR home |
|
|
| casey's moon wrote: |
What do you do (would you do) about a Korean inlaw smoking in your home? My husband has just informed me that asking his dad to smoke outside was extremely uncomfortable and he felt quite rude doing it last time, and since his father smoked inside anyway (with the windows open at least ), he feels it isn't worth the hassle. As a non-smoker with mild allergies and a serious hatred for the smell of smoke, particularly in my own home, what should I do? I asked my husband if I should try asking his father myself, in the most respectful way possible and he said that the request itself was way too rude, especially from a daughter-in-law.
HELP. |
I agree with your husband. Maybe you should find something to do in the Kitchen? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
SuperHero
Joined: 10 Dec 2003
Location: Superhero Hideout
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 1:39 pm Post subject: Re: Koreans (inlaws, actually) smoking in YOUR home |
|
|
| weatherman wrote: |
| I agree with your husband. Maybe you should find something to do in the Kitchen? |
Are you from the 1950's or something? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Homer
Guest
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 2:11 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Just ask the old dude.
My wife's father smokes and when my wife told her mom that she prefered he did not smoke in our place he simply lit up outside.
Problem solved. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Eunoia
Joined: 06 Jul 2003
Location: In a seedy karakoe bar by the banks of the mighty Bosphorus
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 2:43 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| As soon as he lights up, fake (or maybe not fake?) a huge, teary-eyed, lung busting coughing fit. Cough in his direction. On the food, if it's dinnertime. Let the spittle fly. Crawl away to the door, excuse yourself and go outside for a while. Be visibly shaken and weakened when you return (but unsist that you are "Gwencheonayo... gwencheon*cough*ayo..."). Do this each and every time the old guy lights up. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
mindmetoo
Joined: 02 Feb 2004
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 3:38 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| "Second hand smoke is known to produce only female grandchildren in Canadian women." |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
hellofaniceguy
Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Location: On your computer screen!
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 3:55 pm Post subject: |
|
|
What is wrong with telling the out laws or anyone for that matter....you are not allowed to smoke in my house! Talk straight!! Why have the husband/wife do it?!?!? What...feel uncomfortable....
....no smoking in my house...if you must smoke...go outside or BETTER yet...don't come to my house!
If they are rude and uncaring enough to not respect my wishes...I don't care about being rude back. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
itaewonguy
Joined: 25 Mar 2003
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 6:47 pm Post subject: |
|
|
dont do anything.. just let him smoke.. if anyone should ask him it should be your mother in law but she doesnt so.. you have no say..
just tollerate it.. and then when they go open up the windows and air out the house.. dont make a fuss. the air will be clear in 10 minutes.. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
