Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Shoon]

I met my boyfriend my first week in Japan. He was my trainer, and after 3 days of job training, we got drunk and kissed.

We've now been together for over 2 1/2 years, being together and apart, in 3 different countries.

He's Australian, I'm Canadian.

Regardless what anyone says or has experienced, there's always the chance that it could be the best thing you've ever done. And there's always the chance it could be the disaster of the century. But if you go for it, you'll never wonder "what if?"

Good luck with whatever you decide!

[rapier]

[mindmetoo]

[Blind Willie]

No! No! No!

The employment happiness golden rule: Thou shalt not defecate where thou eats

[coolsage]

MOS: You've been in these parts so long that I would have thought you to have such matters well in hand, so to speak. Nonetheless, anyone is capable of being smitten, and it is spring. If the chemistry is there, I say, go for it. It's not as if you're dipping your pen in the company's ink. Go for a picnic under the lilacs, and crack a bottle of bubbly. Good luck to both of you. Cheers!

[mithridates]

I dated a girl I worked with before, and she was Korean. Everything worked out just fine. Where's the problem? Just don't do anything at the office.

[man of the year]

Too close to home.

[mithridates]

Let me expand on this a bit. You walk into the office and it's copy/class prep time. You walk into the class and it's entertaining teacher time. You go in to talk with your boss and it's professional manner time. You finish work and see your girl, then it's game on.

That's Confucianist. Straight out of �߿�. I love watching people talk about Confucianism here without having read one line from any of the books.

My off-hand translation:
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The sage does what needs to be done there, and wants nothing else.

��������ݣ贵������ݣ贵����贫贱������贫贱������ڣ�������ڣ�����难��������难������������������ꡣ
When poor, he acts poor. When rich, he acts rich. When abroad, he follows what they do. When troubled, he is troubled. The sage doesn't do anything that isn't (of) him.

[Konundrum]

I met my wife at my first job in Korea. She hated my guts at first, and barely acknowledged me for the first three months and I really had no interest in dating her, but as things happen, we just started talking one day and went for lunch. Well, we had lunch practically every day and things eventually escalated. She became my best friend.
I am usually a firm beliver in not urinating where you dwell and I tried to keep it as friend-like as I could (as did she)...but it didn't matter. We spent so much time together and got so comfortable with each other it just happened sorta naturally....no rush cuz we both sorta just knew.

[Kimchieluver]

Me too!

[Blind Willie]

You can drive a car with your feet as well, it's still not a good idea because when or if it screws up, it'll screw up big time.

[Konundrum]

Don't get me wrong, though...I would generally advise against it too.

[buymybook]

[Manner of Speaking]

Ah, my head is in a whirl. Stopping yourself from doing too much analysis, overthinking, in these situations is so difficult.

Coolsage, yeah I've been here a long time...but some people despite their age, can have certain parts of their character and personality well-developed by this point, and other parts not so well developed. People can be half-assed at their jobs but awesome at maintaining relationships. I think I'm a bit of the opposite.

I've never really "dated" much. In college I met people through mutual friends and in classes, had my share of fun, but the times I've really been in a real relationship have been few, but when I fall I fall deep. I could never see any point in dating someone if you didn't have any feelings for them, even if the physical part of the relationship was good, or even spectacular.

I met this woman almost exactly four weeks ago. This is her first time teaching overseas, she knows very little about Korea right now, but she's really trying hard in her job. Putting up with the unfair complaints that first-time teachers get, doing her best, ambivalent about what she's doing and afraid she might not be able to handle it all, but really trying.

The first day she was here, I was the first "veteran" she met...we talked for about an hour about Korea and the gigs here, gave her advice, tried to be a friend and be supportive. She's kind, levelheaded, not crazy, smart, a little scared, trying to make friends and make her students like her. I'm trying to be a friend, be supportive, but I'm afraid of coming off like a know-it-all, I've been here 6 years and there's no such thing as someone who really knows it all.

We're going to be working together in the same place for a year. We both started at the same time. I'm waiting for things to stabilize, for the job to settle into a stable routine...sometimes the greatest accomplishment you can make working here is to have a stable gig and do a consistent job over the whole course of your gig. That's all anyone can ask for. So to some extent I just want to be thinking about my job, not about anyone else around me.

And for her part, everything is so new and there is so much to absorb. I can understand her. It's almost not fair to come to another country, halfway around the world, start a completely new career. And then have someone you barely know suddenly have feelings for you, with all the obligation that entails, whether you have feelings for them back or not. I can understand completely how maybe she just wants to have friends right now, needs friends right now, doesn't want to get into a relationship. God, that's completely fair. Who wouldn't understand that?

But to a great extent, after meeting her, I can't just do my job anymore. She walks into the teachers staff room, and everyone else in the room just seems to disappear. The air feels electric around her. She's beautiful, down to earth, considerate, smart, supportive, funny, fantastic.

Oh, I hate feeling this way. You feel so undignified. You feel like there's no money left in your bank account anymore, or like you're waiting for the test results to come back. A sense of emotional stability you've taken for granted for so long is just GONE. When I was in my 20s, love felt like a fire hose stuck in the middle of your chest, pumping all the blood out of you, turning you into a deflating ballon. So much in your head and your heart to wrestle, get control over again. At this age, when it happens to you it doesn't feel so sharp, so raw-edged, but...

So I guess I have a new task this year...one I didn't expect, but one I think I can handle. Be a friend. Be honest to yourself, honest to her. Become friends first, be a better person. Be what she needs right now. Because maybe what she needs right now is also what I need right now. Don't start becoming obsessed or creepy. Be close, dependable, but not overbearing. Spend time having some laughs, getting out with mutual friends, out seeing a bit of the country. Be dependable, be a man. And hope that a good friendship will lead to something deeper. And accept it and move on if it doesn't.

I just sit here and wonder...how the F*** did this happen?

[Manner of Speaking]

So somebody, help me with this...what does a woman need? What does a woman want from a man? What does she NOT need, what mistakes does she need a guy not to make?