Korean Job Discussion Forums

Freezer Burn · Joined: 11 Apr 2005 Location: Busan

I thought i would share this with you guys and see if i did the right thing.

about 6.30 this morning, my neighbours were having a domestic, just a lot of screaming and shouting, next thing i know all hell broke lose, she was being thrown around the room things were being broken, she was screaming, obviously being beaten, this went for about half hour.
Meanwhile my roommate and myself were fuming, we are from Australia so its a big no-no to beat your wife/girlfriend.
The fight went out into the hallway, and she was really screaming, thats was it we had enough we went out and yelled "what the f*ck are you doing" and pushed him off of her, he was beating her with an umbrella, and she was unconscious on the floor in the fetal position.
He back off straight away, we're not small guys and there were two of us.
She came around and she was sobbing we were ready to smash the living f*ck out of him but we knew that we would be the ones who are in trouble, she went back into the room with him, it seemed to settle down, but i think we made it worse because he kept going for about another ten mintues.
Do you think we did the right thing, we held restraint on hitting him, because believe me if this was in Australia he wouldve been knocked out, or did we makeit worse for her, by getting involved.
I just told my boss and a couple of korean teachers I work with, and my boss laughed, that pissed me off.

What do we do the next time?

trevorcollins · Joined: 02 Jul 2004

Hard to know.
Definately that thing seems to be more common here.
I saw a guy one time in a rage punch a window and kick the broken glass all over his wife / gf sitting on the stairs at the entrance to the apartment.
In that case I got the APT security dude and they seemed to come to some kind of understanding.
It's tough to know the circumstances surrounding the whole thing if you don't have the language ability.
Maybe she deserved it, he came home and caught her blowing his best friend or something.

xtchr · Joined: 23 Nov 2004

Quote - 'Maybe she DESERVED it.' Shocked

Are you serious? Nobody deserves to be beaten unconscious.

rapier · Joined: 16 Feb 2003

You never know the details. Of course by the standards of our culture its unnacceptable.
Not so here.
Maybe he found her sleeping with the neighbor while he was out working? In which case its unlikely for a Korean man to simply say thats it, you've broken the trust I'm outta here.
It just doesn't work that way. Married koreans are locked into their contractual agreement by 101 ways that westerners aren't.

They do things differently.

Still, you did the right thing restraining him. And also the right thing not getting more involved than that.

Freezer Burn · Joined: 11 Apr 2005 Location: Busan

The funny thing is, I have never seen or heard from him the month and a half that I have been in the apartment, I'd seen her a few times and nodded hello.
But regardless of any circumstance that the husband/boyfriend thought warrented to knock the poor girl out, I'm not the sort've person to sit through that, hearing it in my apartment I was ropable absolutly fuming, I was pacing around, I know the law here and i knwo that i would be the one in trouble for interfering but COME ON, she was screaming!!!
If you caught you girlfriend in an affair would you bash the sh*t out of her, probably not even though you would feel like it.

itaewonguy · Joined: 25 Mar 2003

It amazing that no korea in the building rang the ;police.. they ignore it..
you should have through the guy outside and made him settle down..
and not let him back in the room for at least 30 minutes.. called the Police could have been a good idea too..

Yeah im from Australia too.. and well domestic violence happens there too mate.. but yeah most probably someone would come over and do something about it.. or the police will be called..
seems here in korea they do nothing!
that can be said in most countries.. people just mind their own business
its people like you and I that dont stand around and do nothing..
I would have been over there straight away once I heard she was getting beaten.. and I would have thrown that piss of S@#T out on the street and waited for the cops..

Freezer Burn · Joined: 11 Apr 2005 Location: Busan

Thats exactly what i thought, I grew up with an as*hole dad, and if my mum and dad were fighting the cops always turned up.
It was first thing this morning and not one person opened the door,

My bosses reaction summed it up nicely to some of the korean attitudes to domestic violence.

He just laughed.

itaewonguy · Joined: 25 Mar 2003

agraham · Joined: 19 Aug 2004 Location: Daegu, Korea

squat toilet · Joined: 08 Mar 2005

All things considered, you couldn't have handled the situation any better.
I've intervened in situations similar to this one and I now know from my little run-in with the law (separate issue) that you have to be damn careful. The X factor here was that it occured right outside your door. If you got physical with the guy, the cops would have no problem tracking you down and throwing you in the clink...trust me, the fact that you were defending an abused woman means sweet f all to those guys.

If this had of occured in some random area of seoul with no people around, i would be all for buring the guys head into the pavement, knocking his teeth out and maybe breaking a limb or two before fleeing the scene and heading home lickedy-split.

Even at that, there's not a lot you can do to change this mentality. It's so ingrained that even if you were to beat the clown to within an inch of his life, i highly doubt that he would stop Ike Turnerin' his women.

pollyplummer · Joined: 07 Mar 2005 Location: McMinnvillve, Oregon

Maybe you should have picked her up and taken her to your apartment, locked the door, and called the police. I'm not sure. Or would they get you for kidnapping? Did she look like she was afraid? Maybe your boss laughed because he was embarrassed?? I've heard Koreans do that sometimes. I think it's a horrible thing when men beat women. They're stronger and they're supposed to protect us. It's like the ultimate perversion of the role of a man, to hurt those he is supposed to care for.

riverboy · Joined: 03 Jun 2003 Location: Incheon

You showed a lot of class and restraint. I would not of been able to do it. If there is one thing in life that makes me loose my marbles is a man beating a woman. I would be in jail right now. You made the best possible decision.

Yu_Bum_suk · Joined: 25 Dec 2004

I think you handled it as best you could. Do you have a video camera? If so try taking some footage the next time it boils out of the apartment. Find a bilingual Korean friend and take it to the police. Post it here and elsewhere on the internet and send it to everyone you know to post on their sites. The one thing Koreans simply cannot abide is the ugly truth, and it seems that many Koreans only understand physical force and shame, the latter of which is very well deserved.

Kimchieluver · Joined: 02 Mar 2005

If it happened next to my apartment I would have called the police. What would hapen if the guy got all full of courage and started attacking you both. You might have really lost your temper and hit him, that could land you in deep doodoo. Next time call the police, so it will at least establish a starting point for a pattern if he does it again.

That's just what I think. On the whole I think you handled it pretty well.

trevorcollins · Joined: 02 Jul 2004