Korean Job Discussion Forums

Summer Wine · Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Location: Next to a River

I am out of here for a little while so will read the answers to this when I get back.

I have a student, 6 yrs old who has come in a few times sad and said, mummy and daddy are fighting. Yesterday, he came in and said mummy is sick, I said "oh yeah", yes daddy drinking beer and hit mummy.

What can I say to the student, other than "oh sorry to hear that", I mean, what do you say to him to make him feel better or deal with it. I can't do anything about his family life, but at least maybe I could say something to him to help him deal with it when he is feeling sad.

Any ideas from ex Pysch students out there.

Apple Scruff · Joined: 29 Oct 2003

That's rough. Telling your coworkers would be useless, as Koreans don't like to interfere in the family matters of others, no matter how horrible the situation.

Tell him to go for the balls with his teeth and bite hard.

red dog · Joined: 31 Oct 2004

That's terrible. I really don't know what you should do, or what I'd do in your situation. But I think exposing a child to this kind of violence (i.e., the father hitting the mother in front of the child) constitutes child abuse and may possibly be subject to mandatory reporting like other forms of abuse? I remember having seen a child abuse number in the papers a few years ago, and I think it's been posted on these boards as well. Maybe you could do a search for "child abuse," call the number, and see if something can be done to help the child?

Summer Wine · Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Location: Next to a River

Thanks for your advice.

JennyJJ · Joined: 01 Mar 2003

While I am strongly against any of this type of violence, I think you'd better be careful before you start "reporting" things. Letting the boss know is just enough. You could well find yourself involved in some major problems. Confidentiality doesn't work here as it might at home.

This is a pretty violent culture and fighting and knocking each other around is somewhat of a norm. I'm not saying everyone does it, only that it is NOT unusual. All I have to do is look out my balcony window on a Saturday night. I've seen far more fights here in a couple years than in my lifetime elsewhere. And that's just the stuff in public!

I wouldn't overdo it with the kid either. To me it seems this is a tough tough environment and babying him over this will not help him at all. Be his friend, give him some postive time, but don't focus on this issue. It may well be that it is not as upsetting to him as it is to you.

Playing Dr. Phil isn't for everyone nor will it work for everyone.

red dog · Joined: 31 Oct 2004

Well, the fact that it happened repeatedly and that the mother was apparently injured (?) would suggest that this is a serious situation and not something that should be allowed to go on. Maybe you could call the authorities anonymously and get their advice first?

Hanson · Joined: 20 Oct 2004

Freezer Burn · Joined: 11 Apr 2005 Location: Busan

Ive witnessed it first hand here, and posted about it here, but just recenlty i was on the bus when i witnessed another great example of Korean Women's rights.
On the bus coming home, we pulled up at the lights and on the road was a korean man kicking his wife in the stomach while she was on the ground, everyone in the bus was on my side watching, the man was kicking the woman while the police were right beside him, one officer was beside him trying to calm him using pat down motions with his hands, and another officer was behind the man and his partner with his hands behind his back.
The man continued to kick untill he had had enough and was walking away yelling, while she was on the ground.
As we pulled away, I was dumbfounded that I had witnessed this twice in a matter of weeks and a couple of women on the bus were laughing about it.
So what do we do....NOTHING, because nothing is done about it here.
I was disgusted with the so-called police force that exists here.

turtlepi1 · Joined: 15 Jun 2004 Location: Abu Dhabi, UAE

OP: Sorry, don't know...awful situation. At least from your writing it sounds like you are assuming some details...maybe it isn't as bad as you think. I'm not good at butting out of other people's business when I feel people are being victimized. Problem is bullies usually victimize people they know they can beat and who they can get away with terrorizing. Beat the crap out of a wife-beater and you better kill him because he will give it to her twice as bad next time he sees her.

And to complicate matters further many Korean women accept violence as "normal" in dealing with conflict and will often be the aggressors. Abuse is a really sad situation.

The bus is always a great place to observe the worst of a nation's flaws. A particular incident, (not one I judge KOREANS by, but interesting in itself)

I was getting on the bus. There was a guy about 40 getting on. It was sunday afternoon and he had had a few soju. A woman in her 40s was getting on behind him. He stumbled backwards and stepped on her ankle. She yelled at him and he scowled at her and got on the bus. She proceeded to make a huge scene yelling "AJOSHI!!!" in that whining voice. She spent the next 10 minutes scowling at him and using that "whiney" voice. "AJOSHI!!!!" Embarrassed he started yelling obsenities at her.

In the meantime he had sat in the seat next to another 40-something year old woman. Feeling foolish he started poking the lady sitting next to him telling her this lady was crazy. She FREAKED out at him. She yelled one short word in Korean REALLY loud with venom in her voice. Things appeared to be escalating but no one on the bus was making a move.

In Canada I would have walked up and gave him a shove and got into it. Being in Korea with neither the language ability to fully express myself or equitable protection of the law, I walked up and stood completely in his personal space (it's hard to get in a Korean's personal space without touching them) and stared at him for about 10 blocks until the ladies got off.