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Corporal
Joined: 25 Jan 2003
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 Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 5:39 am Post subject: |
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| eamo wrote: |
| Yeah Corporal. All you're saying is, "what?!!". Why don't you articulate what is wrong with the OP's remarks instead of just, "what?!!". |
 Okay.
The OP was whining (mostly incoherently) about being dumped for reasons she felt were unfair and illogical. Then she threw in a few silly and borderline racist generalizations about all the countrymen of the man who dumped her (just for good measure, one supposes).
After that, the thread quite predictably derailed with the arrival of such helpful, sociologically valuable contributions as: "yah, Kmen are all pussies" and "Koreans don't have their own minds". |
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tzechuk
Joined: 20 Dec 2004
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 5:40 am Post subject: |
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| pegpig wrote: |
| Well, I for one would never marry a Korean man. For one thing the wife probably wouldn't stand for it. Besides our apartment is just too small for 3-somes day in and day out. |
hahahahahahaha.  |
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eleruen
Joined: 18 Dec 2004
Location: Bundang, South Korea
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 5:58 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
| The OP was whining (mostly incoherently) |
My dear Corporal, it seems that everyone understood my thread except you. Perhaps not that incoherent after all.
| Quote: |
| Then she threw in a few silly and borderline racist generalizations about all the countrymen of the man who dumped her (just for good measure, one supposes). |
Clearly you failed to read my second post of this discussion topic before posting the comment directly above. If you had read it, you may have understood that the advice I posted was the advice I was given from KOREANS THEMSELVES.
Oh dear, oh dear. |
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komtengi
Joined: 30 Sep 2003
Location: Slummin it up in Haebangchon
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 9:07 am Post subject: |
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| Corporal wrote: |
"yah, Kmen are all pussies" and "Koreans don't have their own minds". |
now we know who wears the pants in that relationship |
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Derrek
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 4:12 pm Post subject: Re: Dating Korean men-part deux |
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| Corporal wrote: |
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Anyway, my message to foreign women who want to get serious with a Korean man is this:
1)Find out if he has any older brothers and if the older brother has any children (even then, you will be met with disapproval) |
Are you kidding. You've had one K-boyfriend and suddenly you know everything about how all Koreans are going to react to a foreign girlfriend entering their family?
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Corporal, relationships in Korea follow VERY predictable themes, on a large scale. It's difficult to know how everyone will react, but date enough and it doesn't take long to figure out the patterns.
It feels weird to us, but it is totally normal to bring up questions like, "Would you marry a westerner and would your family approve." very early on in the relationship. That way, you're not wasting your time.
One thing I've learned here is that where western people might have 10 possible responses to a situation, Koreans have, on average, maybe 3, if that makes any sense. |
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The Man known as The Man
Joined: 29 Mar 2003
Location: 3 cheers for Ted Haggard oh yeah!
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 6:11 pm Post subject: |
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| crazylemongirl wrote: |
Oh my god get over yourself  . Referring to anyone as an animal is not acceptable no matter what the reasons are. |
Sure it is.
Donkey is an acceptable euphemism for jackass
and sponge-well that is in a league of its own |
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periwinkle
Joined: 08 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 6:27 pm Post subject: |
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| You're fortunate that you found-out quickly that his racist parents wouldn't accept you as a daughter-in-law. I had the same situation happen with a Chinese-American guy 9 months into our relationship. By that time I had fallen hard for him, and he absolutely broke my heart. One of the reasons I ran off to Korea. Needed a drastic change to help me get over him. Really, you're better off- I couldn't tolerate people like that as in-laws. They would never give you a break. If you're ever in the Seoul area, I know some very eligible single guys. |
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deessell
Joined: 08 Jun 2005
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 6:44 pm Post subject: |
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| periwinkle wrote: |
| You're fortunate that you found-out quickly that his racist parents wouldn't accept you as a daughter-in-law. I had the same situation happen with a Chinese-American guy 9 months into our relationship. By that time I had fallen hard for him, and he absolutely broke my heart. One of the reasons I ran off to Korea. Needed a drastic change to help me get over him. Really, you're better off- I couldn't tolerate people like that as in-laws. They would never give you a break. If you're ever in the Seoul area, I know some very eligible single guys. |
Can you post some photos...I'll have a look!!!! |
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hellofaniceguy
Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Location: On your computer screen!
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 8:20 pm Post subject: |
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| Just remember..."if they don't want you when you're fat...you don't need them when you're thin!" |
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rapier
Joined: 16 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 8:22 pm Post subject: Re: Dating Korean men-part deux |
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| Derrek wrote: |
It feels weird to us, but it is totally normal to bring up questions like, "Would you marry a westerner and would your family approve." very early on in the relationship. That way, you're not wasting your time.
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Some things are just too wacky for westerners to get their heads round. A sure fire way to kill any mystery or romance in an early relationship is to start talking sh*t like that.
I'd known this girl platonically for a few months and finally went on a date with her one time. She brought two friends and they discussed things like "Plenty of Koreans are marrying foreigners now, there's no problems with that..and would you be able to give English lessons to my sister on weekends? etc".
Nice girl, but I fled the scene pretty quickly.
The order of steps for romance to proceed in korea is backwards compared to the west. |
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Corporal
Joined: 25 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 9:12 pm Post subject: Re: Dating Korean men-part deux |
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| Derrek wrote: |
| Corporal wrote: |
| Quote: |
Anyway, my message to foreign women who want to get serious with a Korean man is this:
1)Find out if he has any older brothers and if the older brother has any children (even then, you will be met with disapproval) |
Are you kidding. You've had one K-boyfriend and suddenly you know everything about how all Koreans are going to react to a foreign girlfriend entering their family?
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Corporal, relationships in Korea follow VERY predictable themes, on a large scale. It's difficult to know how everyone will react, but date enough and it doesn't take long to figure out the patterns.
It feels weird to us, but it is totally normal to bring up questions like, "Would you marry a westerner and would your family approve." very early on in the relationship. That way, you're not wasting your time.
One thing I've learned here is that where western people might have 10 possible responses to a situation, Koreans have, on average, maybe 3, if that makes any sense. |
That's at least a reasonable analysis. You're much more experienced in K-relationships than I am, anyway.
But, it's quite plainly ridiculous for someone to date one or two people from another country and then come out with the kind of post like the OP did. |
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coldcrush
Joined: 02 Apr 2004
Location: melbourne.... Posts: 1
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 9:32 pm Post subject: Re: Dating Korean men-part deux |
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I didn't get much of a "sully the bloodlines" reaction from the inlaws. I got more of a "we don't want you to screw our daughter, ger her pregnant, dump her and then leave the country, ok?". Hell, that's what whiteys say.
Then again my missus is not, as far as I can tell, a Korean man.
Hope this helps.
| Derrek wrote: |
| Corporal, relationships in Korea follow VERY predictable themes, on a large scale. It's difficult to know how everyone will react, but date enough and it doesn't take long to figure out the patterns. |
I, for one, wish to hear more about these themes and patterns. |
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jaderedux
Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Location: Lurking outside Seoul
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 10:00 pm Post subject: |
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Being married to korean man and I have lived here 5 years now...I do have some perspective. I have to say that we had some troubles early on after we decided to get serious. Some cultural differences that caused me to step back and wait before we married.
That being said....IT ISN'T EASY. My husband is the only son. His parents have accepted that we are married. Accepted is the key word. Are they happy about it? Nope. They are reasonably polite and am I. I however was raised to be polite but I will NOT be a doormat.
My mother-in-law is snoopy, and quite put off that on my holidays I do not spend them staying up all night cooking myself in to exhaustion. I work in a public school and work very hard at it. It is just like a job back home. So on my days off I do not feel like waiting on him, his father and the rest of his family.
I went over and cooked some western spagettii for them and his mother complained about my cooking. His father on the other hand ate enough for 3 people. I have had them to my house and cooked some really hearty beef stew....again complaints. So I don't cook for them anymore.
Being married to a Korean man isn't always easy. Love does NOT conquer all and you have to work at it. I am not saying don't do it I am saying be aware there are whole new sets of problems you have to deal with. Anyone interested please feel free to p.m. me with questions or comments.
BTW....I AM NOT A FREAKING WHITE HORSE, BEIGE HORSE OR ANY KIND OF HORSE AND I HAVE NEVER EVER IN THE YEARS I HAVE BEEN HERE HEARD ANY WESTERN MAN OR WOMAN REFER TO MALES THAT WAY. THAT HAS GOT TO BE THE MOST DISRESPECTFUL THING I HAVE EVER HEARD. 
And don't come whining about float like a butterfly ...blah blah blah....it is not the same and you know it. So you can go __________ and the horse, white or otherwise, you rode in on!
Jade (the non-equine variety) |
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PolyChronic Time Girl
Joined: 15 Dec 2004
Location: Korea Exited
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 10:04 pm Post subject: |
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I guess I lucked out because my MIL is wonderful to me...she does so much for me and I don't quite understand. I am damn lucky that I found a MIL who accepted me immediately because I know it's probably rare here. But I wonder if I'll have to pay the price in the future (produce lots of babies).
But many women do have hardships with the in-laws...it's like that around the world. Mother and son bonds are unexplainable and welded shut. My past boyfriends(western)...their moms never liked me. This is the first time that a mom has liked me so much...and she's Korean! |
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The Lemon
Joined: 11 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 10:40 pm Post subject: |
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| jade wrote: |
| I however was raised to be polite but I will NOT be a doormat... I went over and cooked some western spagettii for them and his mother complained about my cooking. |
Good to hear. But - forgive the personal question - when your mother-in-law starts in on her cooking critiques, why doesn't your husband tell her to go pound sand?
I'd be unthinkable for one of my parents to criticize my wife's cooking. But it'd be mind-explodingly unponderable for me to sit there and say nothing if they actually ever did it. |
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