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Darl
Joined: 15 Jun 2005 Location: Incheon
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Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 6:14 pm Post subject: Why I hate my girlfriend. |
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Look.
going to hannam supermarket is not an easy task for me. I am not as priviliged as many of you living withing a stones throw distance from the place. For me, my monthly trip requires haggling with the sherpas and bribing local officials to pass through the forbidden wasteland, and during this said pilgrimage i repeatedly flog myself on the back for being an unworthy westerner. I always buy basically the same thing. 2 packs of flour tortillas, 2 packs of pita bread, 2 things of bagels, and 2 Jimmy Dean (TM) breakfast sausagee thingies, along with whatever else looks delicious to me at the moment. Yes I am a bit rotund, but in France, they would call me a 'gourmand'.
After said pilgrimages, i go into what i would say, a sad debaucle of engorging myself with these beforementioned items for the period of let's say, one week. Thereafter, my compulsion is adequately satisfied and I can go about my rather mundane existence of eating kimchi and squid, without significant psychological trauma. My point is that these foodstuffs are quite relevant to my well-being in this place.
So by this point, you are probably saying....."my god man, cut to the chase!!! Why do you hate your girlfriend???"
Wait a second. I will tell you.
Saturday morning breakfast is an important tradition in my house. I mean it is an important tradition to ME. My girlfriend may eat it, but she doesnt really appreciate the deeply significant relevance of the moment of cutting into a plate of flapjacks, sausage and eggs like i do. Sometimes i do not feel she acts quite reverent enough during Saturday breakfast to satisfy me, and so I only begrudgingly share my prized and spiritual vittles with her, and only when she asks.
This morning, as many of you may be aware is Saturday. I got up, fully aware that my Hannam stock of delicacies was at a precious minimum. I had 3 tortillas, 1 pita bread, and a small amount of pepper jack cheese. My initial intent was to have a delicious breakfast burrito while the ogress drowsed. I was so excited by the thought of my breakfast burrito that i barely slept. My dreams were filled with visions of dancing breakfast burritos. I thought of myself as sleeping not under a blanket, but a warm and savory flour tortilla. I could not be pestered with sex last night, not with a pending breakfast burrito, for gods sake.
So i go to the fridge. Take out the two eggs, butter, and go to the freezer for the tortillas. Huh?............Not there?............must be some mistake. Probably she put them in the fridge as some consideration for my breakfast. She loves me soooo much that surely she thawed them knowing how much I adore my special saturday repast. But no. By this point, it is necessary to awaken her to enquire about these missing things.
'honey, where are the mexican style bread' (sic)
"John, im sorry"
"What does that mean, you sorry?"
"Me yesterday eating"
"YOU DID WHAT?"
"Im sorry John. Very good eating"
"What?"
"Im eating yes"
"What about Arabia bread..(pita bread)..that's OK, yes?
"Sorry"
"cheese?
"Sorry, myulchi, kimchi have yes. You breakfast eating."
At this point i let out a howl or groan that i to this point i cannot quite describe. It didn't quite sound human in it's lament, rather i think it more resembled yosemite sam in his most furious moments with bugs bunny.
At this point, not wanting a major pre-marital drama, i withdrew to the living room to collect myself, smoking an entire cigarette in one breath, so entirely out of sorts, i was. It was then she came out and admonished me for smoking and put a nicotine patch on my arm. At this point, i believe i accepted that truly my being as a hellish one indeed. |
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Pyongshin Sangja

Joined: 20 Apr 2003 Location: I love baby!
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Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 7:08 pm Post subject: |
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You should be happy she ate it. She's comfortable with your food.
A lot of Koreans would have destroyed your food as an evil foreign influence. |
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shifty
Joined: 21 Jun 2004
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Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 7:31 pm Post subject: |
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Very entertaining Darl !!!.
Please apprise the board of other turns your life takes. |
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Ya-ta Boy
Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Location: Established in 1994
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Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 7:35 pm Post subject: |
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Solution: chuck the girlfriend, save the money you would have spent on her, buy a larger freezer.
There is no acceptable excuse for eating someone else's tortillas or pita bread. None whatsoever. |
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komtengi

Joined: 30 Sep 2003 Location: Slummin it up in Haebangchon
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Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 7:46 pm Post subject: |
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I hate it when they do that... just rude |
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Wangja

Joined: 17 May 2004 Location: Seoul, Yongsan
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Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 7:58 pm Post subject: |
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Darl, brilliant stuff - hwo about a diary?
There is no way on earth I would steal food from a Frenchman; your g/f must be one very brave lady.  |
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supernova

Joined: 10 Sep 2005 Location: on your side
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Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 7:58 pm Post subject: Re: Why I hate my girlfriend. |
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Darl wrote: |
...So by this point, you are probably saying....."my god man, cut to the chase!!! Why do you hate your girlfriend???"
Wait a second. I will tell you.
Saturday morning breakfast is an important tradition in my house. I mean it is an important tradition to ME. My girlfriend may eat it, but she doesnt really appreciate the deeply significant relevance of the moment of cutting into a plate of flapjacks, sausage and eggs like i do. Sometimes i do not feel she acts quite reverent enough during Saturday breakfast to satisfy me, and so I only begrudgingly share my prized and spiritual vittles with her, and only when she asks.
This morning, as many of you may be aware is Saturday. I got up, fully aware that my Hannam stock of delicacies was at a precious minimum. I had 3 tortillas, 1 pita bread, and a small amount of pepper jack cheese. My initial intent was to have a delicious breakfast burrito while the ogress drowsed. I was so excited by the thought of my breakfast burrito that i barely slept. My dreams were filled with visions of dancing breakfast burritos. I thought of myself as sleeping not under a blanket, but a warm and savory flour tortilla. I could not be pestered with sex last night, not with a pending breakfast burrito, for gods sake.
So i go to the fridge. Take out the two eggs, butter, and go to the freezer for the tortillas. Huh?............Not there?............must be some mistake. Probably she put them in the fridge as some consideration for my breakfast. She loves me soooo much that surely she thawed them knowing how much I adore my special saturday repast. But no. By this point, it is necessary to awaken her to enquire about these missing things.
'honey, where are the mexican style bread' (sic)
"John, im sorry"
"What does that mean, you sorry?"
"Me yesterday eating"
"YOU DID WHAT?"
"Im sorry John. Very good eating"
"What?"
"Im eating yes"
"What about Arabia bread..(pita bread)..that's OK, yes?
"Sorry"
"cheese?
"Sorry, myulchi, kimchi have yes. You breakfast eating."
At this point i let out a howl or groan that i to this point i cannot quite describe. It didn't quite sound human in it's lament, rather i think it more resembled yosemite sam in his most furious moments with bugs bunny.
At this point, not wanting a major pre-marital drama, i withdrew to the living room to collect myself, smoking an entire cigarette in one breath, so entirely out of sorts, i was. It was then she came out and admonished me for smoking and put a nicotine patch on my arm. At this point, i believe i accepted that truly my being as a hellish one indeed. |
translation:
darl's girlfriend: "wah wah wah. me want nookie, fatboy!"  |
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animalbirdfish
Joined: 04 Feb 2004
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Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 9:13 pm Post subject: Re: Why I hate my girlfriend. |
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Darl wrote: |
Yes I am a bit rotund, but in France, they would call me a 'gourmand'.
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Or too damned wordy. Put the thesauras away for a few weeks.
Last edited by animalbirdfish on Fri Sep 30, 2005 9:15 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Kenny Kimchee

Joined: 12 May 2003
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Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 9:15 pm Post subject: |
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Gold! We want more!  |
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matthews_world
Joined: 15 Feb 2003
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Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 9:23 pm Post subject: Re: Why I hate my girlfriend. |
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Darl wrote: |
So i go to the fridge. Take out the two eggs, butter, and go to the freezer for the tortillas. Huh?............Not there?............must be some mistake. Probably she put them in the fridge as some consideration for my breakfast. She loves me soooo much that surely she thawed them knowing how much I adore my special saturday repast. But no. By this point, it is necessary to awaken her to enquire about these missing things. |
The MSG in that cheese must be becoming a little addicting.
animalbirdfish wrote: |
Or too damned wordy. Put the thesauras away for a few weeks. |
Actually, a gourmand eats higher-class foods than the aforementioned.  |
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SuperHero

Joined: 10 Dec 2003 Location: Superhero Hideout
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Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 9:28 pm Post subject: |
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If the girlfriend is naked at breakfast, then it doesn't matter what food is on the table. |
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just because

Joined: 01 Aug 2003 Location: Changwon - 4964
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Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 10:21 pm Post subject: |
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By the looks of that story your girlfriend needs to practice her English..
But seriously, I know the feeling...
I bought a lot of taco shells and sour cream and was ready to make some yummo tacos, come home....
The bloody girlfriend tossed out my taco shells because she thought thye looked old........man did i go on a bender that night, and all the frigging kimchi in that fridge that had been there since the jurassic era got thrown out onto the street..
My tacos had been there 4 days, her kimchi 4 frigging months.....shge never touched my stuff again |
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Red

Joined: 05 Jul 2004
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Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 10:33 pm Post subject: |
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Those are some healthy relationships you all got there. |
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Zyzyfer

Joined: 29 Jan 2003 Location: who, what, where, when, why, how?
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Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 11:25 am Post subject: |
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I like reading Darl's posts. He tells a story, while others do not. |
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travel zen
Joined: 22 Feb 2005 Location: Good old Toronto, Canada
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Posted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 2:59 pm Post subject: |
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Such massive disrespect for your food... in your own house!?!?!
She must be punished ... tie her to the kitchen chair and tickle her with a salami...or something.
Entertaining story, my man  |
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