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Korean Job Discussion Forums
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Corporal
Joined: 25 Jan 2003
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 Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 5:19 am Post subject: Ha.. |
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This guy is funny.
http://www.negativepositive.org/Things-that-need-to-die.html
Women who don't know where to draw the line between using cosmetics to enhance their existing features and attempting to use liquid base to sculpt the head of a more attractive woman on top of their own. If you scrunch your nose and a flurry of plaster chips rains down, you just might be using too much. Nice orange collar, by the way, you iridescent tropical fish.
Stores that have double doors that only leave one of them unlocked and usable, so you have to guess which one you will be able to push without looking like a retard pushing on a locked door. What are you trying to do, use one door until it wears out and then switch to the "fresh" one?
The fact that nobody jackhammers anything anywhere after 9am.
People who try to spur conversation by talking about the weather. Yes, I know that silence makes some people uncomfortable, and that the weather is a generic thing that we can all relate to regardless of our class, beliefs, interests, etc. but is that ALL you can think of to talk about? How uncreative. Hot in July? No shit? Cold in February? Who would have guessed? Look, if the weather is doing something extraordinary, I can understand people feeling a need to talk about it. If you're just trying to break the silence, just fart or something. It would be as creative and meaningful as saying, "Boy, we sure got a lot of rain this week." When the landscape is dotted with thousands of tornados made of flying carpet tacks, broken whiskey bottles and gorilla feces, then yes, I would like to discuss what's up with the weather.
Amazon.com "Suggestions." Could they be any more wrong? I order a Skinny Puppy CD and suddenly I'm a Korn fan? I order a Lewis Black CD and suddenly I must think Jeff Foxworthy is awesome? The only comedy I have ever ordered on Amazon was one Lewis Black CD. Now they make sure to tell me anytime Adam Sandler releases something. Let me explain something that I think is pretty basic. Lewis Black is hilarious. Adam Sandler is a retard. If what you glean from me liking Lewis Black is that I think Adam Sandler is awesome, then you're seriously stupid. How many Adam Sandler items do I have to rate "I hate it" before they see the common thread? "Hmmm... you like Lewis Black, right? Well then, I've got just the thing! Billy Madison!" "I hate it." "Oh, ok then... Let's see what else we have... Lewis Black is pretty funny, right? Well if you think he's funny, then you're just GOT to see "Little Nicky!" "I hate it." "50 First Dates?" "I hate it." "SNL Best of Adam Sandler?" "I hate it." "Big Daddy?" "I hate it." "Happy Gilmore?" "I hate it." "The Waterboy?" "I hate it." "Hmmmm... You hate The Waterboy and yet, you like Lewis Black? Now I'm totally confused.... Oh wait! Of course! Mr. Deeds!" "I hate it." "Hmmm... Ok... Let's try something else. You love Limp Bizkit, right?" "I hate it." "No you don't! Don't lie! It says right here that you like Nine Inch Nails, so it just follows that you think Limp Bizkit rocks!"
Americans who say "Ciao" in any tone other than gratingly sarcastic. These are the same pretentious dorks who do that fake "mwah" kiss on the cheek when they greet a friend. Guess what. Europe is OVER THERE, and try as you may, we will never be European. You're not chic, you're full of shit.
People who, when they can't think of a single intelligent thing to say in an argument, still use retarded "your mom" insults thinking that they're the ultimate stab. You fucked my mom? Lucky you. She's 59. Who are you trying to insult, me or yourself? You really "0wned" me there, retard. Brag some more about your sexual escapades with a post-menopausal woman.
People who think Bob Marley was a truly amazing and inspired human being and buy all his CD's, plaster their dorm rooms with posters and wear t-shirts with his likeness - not that they ever really took an interest in reggae, but primarily because he smoked a lot of pot, and pot = rad, dude!
People with hyperinflated persecution complexes. Today I was getting off the subway and the lady in front of me was blocking the door and moving verrrrry slowly. I accidentally brushed the heel of her boot with my shoe and her head whipped around to see who had wronged her. She wasn't hurt. Her boot was not damaged. She didn't lose her balance. I didn't kick her. If I had shoved a dagger into her belly, she would have made the exact same horrified, shocked, injured facial expression.
People who think the solution to their computer printer being jammed is hitting the 'print' icon fifty times. Then when someone (me) comes along and clears the paper jam, the printer begins printing a mountain of paper. Then the real panicking begins. They hit every button on the printer repeatedly, start unplugging cables, turning the computer off from the rear power switch, corrupting loads of data in the process, taking all the paper out, yanking power cords out of the wall, shooting it with a fire extinguisher, punching it, submerging it in the aquarium, calling 911... Let's face it. Some people should not be allowed to use anything beyond the stone hand-axe on the scale of human technology. These are always the ones who ask you for help with their computer and when told to do something with their CPU, they go, "Uhhh - is that the screen or the typewriter? I'm looking everywhere on my computer screen thing and I don't see an icon that says anything about CPU..." Right away, you know you're fucked..
The pretentious names for the sizes of coffee at Starbucks. Here's a novel concept. SMALL! MEDIUM! LARGE! Noooo. You have to be annoying and special (special meaning retarded, not unique). Where else but fucking Starbucks would "Tall" mean anything but Large? Noooo. At Starbucks, "Tall" means The SMALLEST SIZE! Well that TOTALLY makes sense. When I think of something tall, the first thing that comes to mind is "diminutive." Then you have "Grande." Oh, please tell me this means Large. Does it? Tell me, please! The suspense is killing me! "Grande" literally means "Large," so obviously this is Large, right? WRONG! "Grande" means MEDIUM in Starbucks Land. WHAT? So what is "Large" at Starbucks, if not "Tall" or "Grande?" "Venti." Huh? What the *beep* does that even mean?!?!?!? It's Italian. It means "Twenty." WHAAAAAAT?!?!?!? WHY?? Someone strangle whoever came up with this shit. What's worse is that the little 6 buck an hour high school dropout drones they have working there get all righteous on you if you ask for a Large. "Uhhh.." they say as they sneer sarcastically, "a VENTI?" IT'S LARGE! Always has been, always will be. Now pour the fucking coffee in the biggest cup so I can be on my way to my job where I make enough that I can afford to drop FIVE DOLLARS FOR A CUP OF COFFEE! Jesus. Don't get me started on that.
"Hey. You got any tea?"
"You mean Tazo Chai?"
"DIE! DIE! DIE, YOU PRETENTIOUS SHIT!"
People who own T-shirts, posters, flags, stickers, etc. with the face of Che Guevara on them who have absolutely no clue who he was, what he did, or why he was historically significant, but are pretty sure he had something to do with Rage Against the Machine.... or maybe Pot.
Close Door" buttons in elevators that make the doors close just as slowly and pretty much when they would have on their own. What's the point? How am I supposed to rend someone's arm off at the shoulder if the door is going to be leisurely about closing when I hit the button? Don't these engineers have any common sense? If the button is there, it should at least be able to slam the door fast enough to make a woman with arms full of grocery bags sprint like a maniac to catch the door with her foot, only to have it splattered like an overripe tomato to the sound of me cackling behind the merciless serrated titanium doors of doom. |
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schwa
Joined: 18 Jan 2003
Location: Yap
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| Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 6:14 am Post subject: |
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| Great site -- made me laugh! |
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just because
Joined: 01 Aug 2003
Location: Changwon - 4964
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| Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 8:31 am Post subject: |
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i could read that site for half the night...some of it is funny stuff.
And couple that caught my eye
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| McDonalds' retarded self-defeating ad campaigns. Today I saw an ad for their new "Chicken Selects" strips. The name alone is stupid, as if they're saying, "Remember those shitty McNuggets that only vaguely resembled meat? Well these are different. These are made as if someone is actually even paying attention to quality or something." The ad features happy looking people holding half eaten chicken strips with a delighted, surprised look on their faces, looking at the strip, and the caption, "I'm a believer." A believer? Why would there be doubt to defy? Like the person is surprised to have a new-found faith in McDonalds' ability to make food that doesn't taste like shit, as though making nonshitty food is a vast departure from all things McDonald's. "Wow! I'm a believer! McDonald's has renewed my hope that they could make a chicken-esque product that looks and tastes as though it might even be made from actual earthly animals... maybe even chickens!" Someone eats a fucking breaded chunk of meat that actually tastes good and they are amazed that something that doesn't taste like shit came from McDonalds. That is the message of this ad. Why in the *beep* would McDonald's project this message about their own fucking company? "You know us as the maker of shitty, cheap-ass food that all tastes basically the same, but these strips are different." What's the punchline? They still taste like shitty McDonald's food. It's rare to go to any other resaurant that serves chicken strips and get something as shitty as McDonald's Chicken Selects. McDonald's has achieved something no other resaurant can match. They have done something truly unique. Every item on their menu tastes simultaneously overseasoned, and yet, completely bland, which defies any sort of logic. |
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| The way, when people have babies when they're over 50, all these idiots think it's an "amazing miracle." Great job. You're 55 and have a new baby. You'll probably be dead before he's out of high school, and then what will happen to him? This is only a bundle of joy for you, not for the future teenager at your funeral, learning all about misery and abandonment at an age that will greatly shape what kind of person he will become as an adult. Go ahead and have a baby, just because you either missed your chance when you were young or your first batch is grown up and has left home and you have that lonely empty nest feeling. Think only of your own want to cuddle a cute little baby, but don't worry too much about the fact that it's a human being that will probably end up screwed once you're gone. Fantasize that it will be easier to shape a young mind, now that you're older, wiser and more experienced, ignoring the extreme irony in your total lack of judgment, foresight and self restraint in having a baby when you should be in the final planning stages for retirement rather than planning for the future of a child whose wedding, college graduation, or perhaps even high school graduation you will never see. Feel a longing? Get a cat. A baby is not a pet. Oh, but you have life insurance, you say... Well that's good, because a monthly check is a fine substitution for parents. What an amazing miracle, you selfish motherfuckers |
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Corporal
Joined: 25 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 6:59 pm Post subject: |
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I thought that second one might be Beaver's favorite.  |
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mithridates
Joined: 03 Mar 2003
Location: President's office, Korean Space Agency
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| Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 9:27 pm Post subject: |
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Online forms, particularly for secure logins or web-based email, that allow you to begin typing before they're fully loaded, then the cursor jumps back to the beginning of the first box, so you look up and see:
User ID: sswordUsername
Password: Pa |
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indytrucks
Joined: 09 Apr 2003
Location: The Shelf
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| Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 9:36 pm Post subject: |
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I like this. Preach on, brother.
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| Those fucking irrelevant 90's alterna-crap bands that alterna-crap radio and MTV tried to force feed me for years as "Cutting Edge Musical Genius" and the "Sound of Things to Come" that I always despised and everyone else thought were amazing, and now nobody gives a shit about them, because guess what - they were all just meaningless trendy cookie-cutter pop music disguised with a pretentious goatee. *beep* REM, Belly, Toad the Wet Sprocket, 10,000 Maniacs, The Lemonheads, Jesus and the Mary Chain, Ben Folds Five, The Cranberries, The Cardigans, Blur, Everlast, Garbage, Oasis, Temple of the Crap, Suede, Gus Gus, Goo Goo Dolls, Afghan Whigs, Sixpence None the Richer, Kid Rock, Depeche Mode, Fionna Apple, Smashing Pumpkins, The Verve, Creed, Supergrass, Soul Asylum, Third Eye Blind, Pulp, Ned's Atomic Dustbin, Smashmouth, The Smithereens, The Stone Roses, Morrissey, and all that other bullshit that sounds exactly the same as all of the above. I must say that I have to thank you for making your music as boring as fucking possible so people didn't stay interested in you enough to make you still relevant today. You were never alternative in the first place. You were just a slickly marketed different type of trendy, uninspired pop music and I'm glad you've all gone the way of MC Hammer, you airtime-wasting snore-fests. The only difference between Vanilla Ice and Evan Dando is that in 10 years people will remember Vanilla Ice. No doubt there will be idiots who go, "But wait! REM isn't irrelevant! They're still my favorite band!" Yes, but that's because you're a younger version of those idiots who are now in their 50's who think that nobody has yet matched the musical genius of the ultra-gimmick one-trick-pony pop band The Beach Boys. I remember watching 120 Minutes on MTV every Sunday night hoping to see something by Nine Inch Nails or Skinny Puppy or, heaven forbid, some band that was really awesome that I had never heard of before, but week after week, the 120th minute would roll by, and I would throw the remote at the TV and go to bed, pissed that MTV had the audacity to put shit like Alanis Morrissette, who was in the top 10 in the pop charts, on an ALTERNATIVE music show. What the *beep* is "alternative" about a band that shitty corporate radio and MTV play every 10 minutes? Now I get to laugh as most of them weren't even memorable enough to warrant a 2 minute appearance on one of those absolutely pathetic "Where Are They Now" shows. When even those shows don't give a shit about you, I'm sorry to say, that's the bottom of the bottom - right where they all belong. "Welcome to Starbucks. May I take your order?" Yes, Evan Dando. Yes you may. |
And this. This guy is quickly becoming my new hero.
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| I really don't mean to give rap so much attention, but once again, something made my eye twitch enough that I couldn't help myself. There's a video for this 50 Cent collaboration called G-Unit. The song is "Poppin Them Thangs," and yes, I know you're as impressed as I am with that title. Basically the checked box on the Formulaic Rap Video Construction form is C. "I'm a Mob Kingpin, so don't try to step or you'll get smacked down - note how nobody smiles ever - that means WE HARD." Of course, having the ability to rhyme words with other words makes you an unstoppable force in the underworld, able to strike fear in the hearts and command the respect of big time mob bosses. "Holy shit. He can rhyme FOCUS with LOCUST! Oh, man! He's got a big gold medallion... AND IT SPINS! That spinning medallion definitely makes him too HARD for our entire criminal organization to compete with. Don't mess!" There are subtitles at the bottom of the screen showing the dialogue between the various mob bosses. One of them says, "I don't approve of you. You are SHINNING a light into our darkness." Who fucking wrote these subtitles, Groundskeeper Willy? How could such a glaring spelling mistake slip by the hundreds of people who no doubt saw the completed video before its release? Wasn't there even ONE person who saw it and said,"Yo, dawg, dat's dope, yo, werd. But, yo! You misspelled 'shining'"? How could they spend millions on the production of the album and video and then hire some illiterate fuckass to write the subtitles? How? Because obviously all of the people involved in production of the video, especially the artists, ARE RETARDED. I caught the error the very first time I saw the video, and I was only watching it for the same reason I would listen to G. Gordon Liddy or Rush Limbaugh; to know more about what I think is stupid. If you're going to spend assloads of money, put it on MTV and BET and show it to millions of people on probably a half-hourly basis (on the rare occasions that they are actually showing music videos) wouldn't it make sense to proofread it to avoid looking like illiterate fucktards? There's no way you can play it off as the intentional misspelling that rappers always do, either. This isn't "dawgz," this is "SHINNING," I guess meaning "to SHIN." I guess when you're as stupid as G-Unit is anyway, literacy can't help or hurt your image. I wonder how many of their fans even noticed. I guess if you're stupid enough to think G-Unit is really cool, you're stupid enough to miss glaring spelling errors in bold capital letters at the bottom of your TV. In a way, though, I have to say I'm proud of G-Unit for employing people with physical disfigurements. Lloyd Banks proves that even if you have a hare lip and a lazy eye, you can make it as a big time rap star. |
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Side note: The other options on the Formulaic Rap Video Construction Form are:
A. "Gigantic party at a mansion with lots of money falling from the sky, lots of $200K+ cars parked out front and lots of girls in bikinis. Girl to guy ratio is 5/1. Everyone at the party is rich and black and drinking Moet, Cristal and a wide assortment of obscenely expensive cognacs like they were water,"
B. "Getting chased by the cops in my Lamborghini talking on the cell phone while a hot chick or the album's producer is driving. Variation: Instead of cops chasing me in a Lamborghini, this could be interchanged with cruising in a Hummer limo and giving everyone 'the vapors,' Same shit, different vibe."
D. "Every girl in the club is mostly naked and very attractive and is so impressed by my jewelry that they're all competing tooth and nail to get to *beep* me"
E. "Generic choreographed dance video with amorphous high contrast sets and possibly flood lights arranged to spell out the rapper's name,"
F. "Seemingly pedestrian environment such as a barber shop, diner, car wash, movie theatre, etc. where lots of hot chicks are dumping their boyfriends because my jewelry, car, clothes, etc. are so impressive that they just have to *beep* me,"
G. "Here I am hanging out in a shitty neighborhood. This means I'm true to my roots, despite the fact that I arrived in a limo and will be going to a four star restaurant to eat foie gras and beluga caviar after the video shoot."
(Default for all selections: Four or six point star filter used on camera lens in conjunction with bright lighting to make jewelry appear to sparkle blindingly.) |
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joe_doufu
Joined: 09 May 2005
Location: Elsewhere
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| Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 2:54 am Post subject: |
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| In many elevators, those "close door" buttons don't do anything except for firemen and repairmen with the special key. There's no notice however, because some people feel more comfortable if they have a button they can push. |
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Tiberious aka Sparkles
Joined: 23 Jan 2003
Location: I'm one cool cat!
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| Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2005 4:13 am Post subject: |
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| joe_doufu wrote: |
| In many elevators, those "close door" buttons don't do anything except for firemen and repairmen with the special key. |
Koreans would never stand for that. Luckily they don't have to.
Sparkles*_* |
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Bo Peabody
Joined: 25 Aug 2005
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| Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 1:24 pm Post subject: |
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Guys who have practiced their fake walk and their fake laugh for so long that they can't remember what their real ones were like.
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Any Subhuman Cretin that that thinks Professional Wrestling is Good, Kinda OK, Funny, Interesting, Worth a Laugh, Totally Awesome, Good for Killing Time, Not THAT Bad, "Kick Ass," or Fun to Watch on any level. Where has our culture gone that we'll sit and watch a bunch of rednecks FAKE fighting? How can you fucking watch a Fake Sport knowing full-well that it's fake? The next person I hear who says "I like it because it's drama - like a Soap Opera" is going to get a REAL punch in the head. It's GOOD because it's like a Soap Opera? Soap Operas....The LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR on TV. That's a whole new can of worms.... READ ON. |
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Bulsajo
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 3:03 pm Post subject: |
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| Tiberious aka Sparkles wrote: |
| joe_doufu wrote: |
| In many elevators, those "close door" buttons don't do anything except for firemen and repairmen with the special key. |
Koreans would never stand for that. Luckily they don't have to.
Sparkles*_* |
Oh, dude! Remember that IMF campaign?
C'mon, I know you KNOW what I'm talking about here!
"Retards on forums or webpages that rant about something and then end it with <end rant>. What the *beep* is the point of that? If you just ranted and now you're done, I think we can all fucking figure out where the end of the rant is, no? It's almost done as this pretentious apology like they don't have the spine to stand behind what they're saying, sort of an after the fact "I don't mean to be rude, but..." Like you all know me as happy mister fluffy, but here now I'm going to put on my mean guy mask and rant. It's not really me. It's the mean ranting mask. Actually, it's probably just one of those idiotic forum copycat things that all these unoriginal leeches do. Like when some guy said "asshat" once, and it was funny ONCE, and then for the next three years, 90% of all forum kids used it as their default name for anyone who is lame, and no doubt chuckled that "huh-huh-huh" retard chuckle every single time they typed it."
Hmmmm, I vow never to do that again- ever. |
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Corporal
Joined: 25 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 3:35 am Post subject: |
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| bump... |
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formerflautist
Joined: 30 May 2006
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 5:00 am Post subject: |
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Guys who have really absurdly inflated anxiety about women menstruating or the fact that they have to share the same universe as tampons and pads. The idea of handling a sealed package of clean tampons totally freaks them out. You know, because little cylinders of cotton are a serious threat to their manhood. "Oh my god! She has maxi pads in her purse. That means that she's a woman somewhere between the ages of 11 and 60. Holy shit, I bet she even has (gasp) a VAGINA!"
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SPINOZA
Joined: 10 Jun 2005
Location: $eoul
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 8:56 pm Post subject: |
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Women who act like they don't get what guys see in younger women, and sometimes even get bitchy about it or act offended by it. Like if a 35 year old guy is dating a 24 year old woman they say, "What are you getting out of that?"
"Oh, gee. What am I getting out of it? Hmmmm. Well there's the fact that she's vivacious and unjaded, energetic, has wonderful smooth, supple skin and perky *beep*, a tight little ass, has much higher metabolism than you and can eat burgers and pizza and still weigh 120 pounds without really exercising, enjoys going out and staying up late instead of whining about her bad knee, isn't itching to get married, settle down and have children before her fast-approaching 40th birthday, is less apt to think of a boyfriend as a provider before thinking of him as a lover, is unburdened by a long history of breakups and maybe a divorce or two, no kids, no postpartum stretch marks, no ex-husbands, no urgency, no desperation... I don't know, you tell me, what edge could younger women possibly have over you?
Yeah, sure. Men are all superficial assholes. That's why every personal ad ever posted by a woman has one of the following phrases to describe what she's looking for: successful, professional, financially stable, has goals, likes to travel, enjoys fine dining, and other assorted things that imply that she just wants someone who can buy her stuff. |
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JongnoGuru
Joined: 25 May 2004
Location: peeing on your doorstep
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 9:07 pm Post subject: |
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| SPINOZA wrote: |
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Women who act like they don't get what guys see in younger women, and sometimes even get *beep* about it or act offended by it. Like if a 35 year old guy is dating a 24 year old woman they say, "What are you getting out of that?"
"Oh, gee. What am I getting out of it? Hmmmm. Well there's the fact that she's vivacious and unjaded, energetic, has wonderful smooth, supple skin and perky *beep*, a tight little ass, has much higher metabolism than you and can eat burgers and pizza and still weigh 120 pounds without really exercising, enjoys going out and staying up late instead of whining about her bad knee, isn't itching to get married, settle down and have children before her fast-approaching 40th birthday, is less apt to think of a boyfriend as a provider before thinking of him as a lover, is unburdened by a long history of breakups and maybe a divorce or two, no kids, no postpartum stretch marks, no ex-husbands, no urgency, no desperation... I don't know, you tell me, what edge could younger women possibly have over you?
Yeah, sure. Men are all superficial assholes. That's why every personal ad ever posted by a woman has one of the following phrases to describe what she's looking for: successful, professional, financially stable, has goals, likes to travel, enjoys fine dining, and other assorted things that imply that she just wants someone who can buy her stuff. |
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Wowwwowowwow...  I'm getting that printed on a T-shirt. The thing is, I've always preferred older women. Even still, I'm getting that printed on a T-shirt.
Last edited by JongnoGuru on Sun Apr 08, 2007 9:08 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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eamo
Joined: 08 Mar 2003
Location: Shepherd's Bush, 1964.
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| Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 9:07 pm Post subject: |
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| formerflautist wrote: |
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Guys who have really absurdly inflated anxiety about women menstruating or the fact that they have to share the same universe as tampons and pads. The idea of handling a sealed package of clean tampons totally freaks them out. You know, because little cylinders of cotton are a serious threat to their manhood. "Oh my god! She has maxi pads in her purse. That means that she's a woman somewhere between the ages of 11 and 60. Holy *beep*, I bet she even has (gasp) a VAGINA!"
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I've never understood that either. Men getting so wound up about tampons and periods. |
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