Korean Job Discussion Forums

[sjk1128]

I wrote the following to my sister and then thought I'd post it here to see what I get back. I try to love Korea without reserve, but I can't. Some days I hate it. This is my first year here, and I have several Korean friends, but I don't ever talk to them now about how I really feel here. Exploratory conversations have shown that it just makes them feel very uncomfortable and almost personally responsible (collectivism in action).

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******,

I'm doing well. Some days Koreans drive me crazy. Other days they just make me laugh.

Coming out of the private lesson I teach downtown to a doctor's daughter, I thought about the doctor's wife who had served me $5 worth of fruit and tea to consume during the lesson like always. When I was leaving she bowed a little and smiled until I was down the stairs. When I leave in the elevator, I can usually see her obligatory smile drop abruptly when she thinks I'm already out of sight. I fancied I could feel the moment as I walked down the stairs. Raising 3 doctor's children to be trilingual, knowledgable of societal expectations on the upper class, and well educated is no small task. I expect she still feels like a failure because she had no son. Her daughters must be raised marriageable. It is both her duty and her retirement plan.

I walked toward the bus stop and saw a middle-aged man come out of his apartment building. He noticed - and then - what can only be described as attacked - a business card that had been left in the doorway. A business competitor? A personal nemesis who chose this subtle way of continuing their fued? A mistake at the printer's that folded his already struggling business? Who knows? He picked it up just so he could throw it down again and stomp it some more.

On the way to the bus stop, I stopped and bought kim-bap (rice and whatever else you order wrapped tightly in dried seaweed) for dinner. Even though I spoke Korean to the woman to order and when asking how much it was, she silently held up fingers to tell me the price.

I missed the best bus and would have had to wait 20 minutes, so I hailed a taxi. Typically, the man seemed incredulous that I wanted to go to San-Jeon, presumably because most foreigners don't ask to go there. The equation in Korean thinking could be written something like this: [All Koreans are the same. (They're not.)] = [All foreigners are the same]. He made me repeat it 3 times. Then I began to tell him where it is, thinking this might be the problem. He said, "I know where it is!" and started driving.

Pleasantly surprised that he was listening to a jazz singer rather than the techno, pop, or rap that most taxi drivers, regardless of age, use to keep their spirits high, I sat back to enjoy her Ella Fitzgerald-like voice and see how many words I could understand. Abruptly, he cursed to himself and turned the radio off. Only the noise of the surrounding traffic accompanied me the rest of the way home.

My dog showered me with affection when I came home, circling me inside at a full-out run while stretching the flexibility of his eyeballs in an intense effort to keep them glued on me. I sat down to enjoy my kimbap and watch "CSI Las Vegas."

The hardest part of living in Korea is that they have the same quantity of formal traditions and high culture that has Japan, but the quality and consistency here is seriously lacking. Koreans judge anyone they notice by these impossibly high standards, and foreigners are always noticeable. Meanwhile, Koreans themselves can frequently fly under the radar and feel perfectly comfortable losing all emotional control when THEY think the situation calls for it. Often normal polite people avoid even looking at them if they scream, cry, slap each other, and the like (all of which I have seen). As a foreigner, I, by contrast, am stared at and commented on simply for being there: at the bus stop, on the bus, in restaurants, in department stores.

The icing on the mutilayered cake described above is that Korean people constantly assure me how nice Korean people are. When they ask me if I like it here and what I think of Korea, even a politely honest response is not sufficient: "There are things that I like and things that I don't like. That's true anywhere you live." Apparently, this is offensive to some because it is not a glowlingly and unequivocally positive review. The only entirely safe answer is an out-and-out lie. Otherwise, the more thoughtful become apologetic (feeling responsible by extension), and the mainstream become simply defensive and offended.

When I lived in Italy, I came to love Italians like a dear friend who made me always feel comfortable, no matter how long our separation. Here, I am learning to love Koreans too - like an alcoholic uncle who has bouts of uncontrollable but generally excusable anger: he probably means well, and he's never violent. Besides, in the end he drinks because the war really did a number on him....

I've written too much (as usual). Have to go.

Good luck. Thanks for getting my stuff sent off.

Love,
*******
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[VanIslander]

what an interesting day!


(and so typical here - that's why I love it!)

[Col.Brandon]

Korea really has some issues, but it beats working for a living. Just think of that house you can afford to buy when you get back home, or whatever floats your boat.

[Moldy Rutabaga]

Good post. It describes many of my days here. After several years of being here, your comfort level will rise, but the little things that nettle you never seem to go away.

Yes, no matter how close people are to me, I rarely give a candid answer to the standard "isn't-Korea-wonderful" question. I will say that I like the country very much, and of course there are some things that drive me crazy. I emphasize me to make it subjective, and crazy because it makes people laugh a little; and that's as far as I push it.

Ken:>

[Swiss James]

not to badmouth the OP, but I always thought it was just good manners to tell people they have a nice country. Even when I'd only been here a few weeks and had seen nothing outside of the city I would still tell taxi drivers what a beautiful country Korea was.

Otherwise it's like going round to someone's house and saying
"Well I suppose your curtains are quite nice, but where I live we have a lambswool carpet and there are no chips in the cups."

[billybrobby]

that's what i figure goes on with people who get really down about korea. they walk around all day, sticking things in people's heads, making up inner feelings and thoughts for people they don't know.

the mother feels like a failure
the business card man has a struggling business
the taxi driver has some preconcieved notions about foreigners


yeah, mind reading is fun. I'll do some for the OP:

she/he is running from country to country, trying to escape feelings of inadequacy. he teachers private lessons because he no respect for law because he has no respect for himself. his thoughts are consumed with the neuroses of others because he is too afraid to face his own.

how about that?

[Swiss James]

can we play "guess the OP's gender"?

I'm thinking girl, since there was no comment on the mother spending 5 dollars on fruit.

anyway billy she (or possibly he) says she loves Korea despite its faults so I'm going to do some mind reading on you

"Man this hangover sucks, I'm never going out on a Thursday again"

Close? Close?

[joe_doufu]

[Yu_Bum_suk]

Yeah I feel exactly the same way some days.

[billybrobby]

[Ya-ta Boy]

Your sister is thousands of miles away and can't do a thing about your crappy mood. Why do you want to inflict your misery on her? Do you have a grudge against her? Are you punishing her for kissing your boyfriend when you were 6? Or do you just want attention?

Your second sentence says "Other days they just make me laugh". Why not wait until you are in a good mood and share those stories with your sister?

Which kind of letter would you rather receive?

[Ya-ta Boy]

[Ekuboko]

[JongnoGuru]

[Ekuboko]