Korean Job Discussion Forums

[swade]

Forgive me for I will be ranting for a few minutes. First at bit of background: I��ve been at this school for about two months. The kids are great, I haven��t any problems with any of the teachers and thus, it��s been a pretty good two months. Until��

My boss sometimes likes to take the teachers out for dinner and drinks. Lovely idea but not really how I want to spend my time. Two days after I got here my boss told me that everyone was getting together and I ��have�� to go. Truthfully, it really wasn��t want I wanted to do. I really wanted to go to another city and visit some of my former co-workers. I had been here before. But since I had to go, I went. At about 2am, I wanted to go home. I then basically got permission from my boss to leave.

Now, there is another gathering on Friday. Well, my boss told me about it today and I said that I will not be able to make it. We then had a discussion for approximately 2 hours, where I was told that I was in Korea and this is how things are done in Korea. It is unheard of that I am ��invited�� to dinner without it being mandatory and I decide not to go. Over and over I was told that I am in Korea and this is how it is done here. Over and over I stated that I signed a contract to work certain hours and I intent to work those hours and hope to do my job really well. However, my personal time is just that, my personal time. And I should be the one to decide how I plan to spend that time.

After about an hour and a half, I asked if we could compromise. I will not be able to make dinner but I will meet them for a couple of drinks later. He still insisted that I come to this dinner. We left the conversation without really resolving the situation.

In my heart I don��t wish to bend. I also don��t want to have the next ten months weighing negatively on this decision. After two hours of running around in this circle, what would you do?

[ajuma]

You've heard the expression "When in Rome...."?

You're only 2 months into your job. I assume that you want to keep a good relationship with your boss, right? I think you've just got to bite the bullet and go to dinner. "Schmoozing" with the boss only brings positive results!

[Faron]

Will he be paying? If not tell him you're broke and have no cash! If he does, get some really expensive food and drink so he'll never want to invite you again.

[Homer]

[Big Mac]

I had exactly the same dilemma you are having. For the first month, my boss insisted that me and the other foreign teacher eat supper with him and the co-director (who doesn't speak English) every night. It was a new school and they were excited about having us there. At the time I thought they just wanted to introduce us to Korean food. They always, always paid of course.

Though I thought it was nice of them, I was like you and just didn't want to be spending this much time with them. I also didn't like the idea of them paying for so many meals for me. I wondered if I had a disagreement in the future whether all these free meals might become a playing card.

It eventually did. When we had a disagreement about pension and medical insurance, he reminded me forcefully of all the "favours" he had done for us. From then on, I only accepted invitations where every employee at the school was invited. I even walked home every night rather than take the ride that he would offer. Of course, they seemed hurt by it and many times I got the "it's the Korean way" lecture. But I think they also understood where I was coming from.

There seems to be a fine line here. Are they doing it to be nice? Or are they doing it to make you feel guilty enough that you will stay in line and do the things they want you to do? I don't know, but I made the decision it was safer to stay away from the free meals.

[bobbyhanlon]

yeah... it all depends, i think, on whether your boss is a good guy or not. korean culture attaches a lot of importance to things like age, and who is the boss, etc.; some who have this power bestowed upon them act in the proper way, and some don't, merely exploiting it to their advantage.

when i first came to korea i had a pretty shady boss, so usually when he asked me to drink with him, or eat with him, i would try to find some excuse. but my boss now is great, and i know if he treated me to dinner or a drinking session he would be doing it because he's a good guy, rather than to use it as a means of gaining my compliance.

[Hater Depot]

Once in a while I would beg off by saying I had a promise, that never ruffled any feathers. We went out once or twice a month. It was sometimes inconvenient that I never knew about it until the day of, but we usually went to a nice place and had a lot of fun.

[Thomas]

I think in many cases the benefits of getting together and hanging out with the crew can help you out at work. You say you have a good school and like the job... doing some "forced fun" (like M.T.) is one way to bring everyone together and make for better relations at work. Are the couple hours of free time worth being the "unsociable foreigner" at work?

Besides, if you make it to "most" of them, you can take one off here or there and enjoy your time (especially with last minute ones... like "Ooops, I already bought my train ticket.")

[laogaiguk]

If they were asking everyday or everyweek then I would fight it. But if this is only the second time, I would have gone. While work dinners are not mandatory back home, when you never go out, you begin to get a bad reputation which is equally bad.

The problem is now you have already talked about it and I don't know if backing down will cause more trouble in the future. Depends on the boss I guess.

[pegpig]

[Mr. Pink]

I don't see what the problem is.

If your boss asks you on really short notice, you can always say you have a previous engagement. End of discussion.

If your boss gives you advance notice, like 1 week or more, why can't you go out to dinner?

That attitude of "it's not in my contract, so I am not doing it" needs to be left back in your home country. If you are not flexible on certain things, like going out to dinner with the boss and your co-workers, how do you expect to improve your relations with them? If you have been in Korea before, you should know that most times when you can make a good relation with a coworker or your boss is OUTSIDE the office.

We all know that freetime is important, but a few hours after work once a month or every two months is nothing.

Also if you don't like drinking (I personally don't drink) let your boss know that early on. They can understand convictions of a sort. No one at my work ever tries to force me to drink.

[Yu_Bum_suk]

Dude, you're in Korea and this is how they do things here. Appreciate the free dinner and don't go about offending people over trivial things like this. If you have a serious problem with going out for dinner how are you going to handle a real problem when one happens. Socialising and fratranising with staff is part of the deal here, so get used to it.

[krats1976]

[Old fat expat]

Koreans opporate on a master-servant labour arrangement. They do not realize that with a contract, that type of relationship is no longer relevant (along with many of the posters here). With a contract you have entered into an agreement as equals. But be aware that all organizations are social in nature, and a pragmatist needs to weigh what is of the most benefit to them for the long term. You are right in what you say, it is your time after hours. But unfortunatly Koreans do not understand the nature of contracts in general.

My advice: pick your fights very carefully, and once you��ve made your choice do not back down. This is probably not I fight I would have choosen for myself. Oh, and by the way I avoid allowing my boss to play the role of master on social occasions by paying as an equal. He pays me for my services and I pay my way socially. If he insists on paying I take the next turn. If it is a hogwon event for everyone then that is a cost to the business and a different deal.

[Swiss James]

I agree with what everyone else is saying here- your boss is right, it is a Korean custom.

Think of it this way, if you moved into an apartment or dorm and had a room mate- in the first couple of months he/she kept inviting you out for drinks or whatever and you kept on declining until you finally said
"Look at our rental agreement, I have to pay this much per month and do the washing-up when it's my turn- I DO NOT HAVE TO GO TO THE CINEMA WITH YOU!!!"

I mean sure, there's nothing 'wrong' with doing that- but it won't make a happy home.