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kangnamdragon
Joined: 17 Jan 2003
Location: Kangnam, Seoul, Korea
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 Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2003 6:36 pm Post subject: Foreign men and Korean men cannot be friends? |
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| Everytime my best friend (who is Korean) and I tell people we are best friends people have a hard time believing it. Is it really that hard for people to have Korean male friends? anyone else have a true friend who is a Korean male? why is it so hard to believe? We have been best friends over 6 years......... Anyone else experience this? |
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Mashimaro
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: location, location
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2003 6:39 pm Post subject: |
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| I have many male korean friends but I met 99% of them in Australia! Korean men seem much more relaxed and generally likeable when they are overseas. I guess when they are free from the confucian restraints of Korea they can be themselves, and are easier to relate too. |
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rapier
Joined: 16 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2003 7:05 pm Post subject: |
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Strange isn't it. They approach you with the "lets be best friends from today" spiel, cleverly hiding their true English learning intentions. And then when you turn around and tell everyone, "yes, we're best friends in the world" nobody believes you!!! Its all very telling.
incidentally I met some Koreans in Oz too, they were better than here.. but still not as cool as the Japs were. |
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kylehawkins2000
Joined: 08 Apr 2003
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2003 7:58 pm Post subject: |
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| I have some good Korean friends. I think the idea that you cannot have a true friendship with a Korean male is a pile of BS. Of course there are ignorant people out there that no one wants to be friends with regardless of where they are from.......I wonder what kind of people started this whole misconception.....hmmmmmm |
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kangnamdragon
Joined: 17 Jan 2003
Location: Kangnam, Seoul, Korea
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2003 8:38 pm Post subject: |
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| rapier wrote: |
Strange isn't it. They approach you with the "lets be best friends from today" spiel, cleverly hiding their true English learning intentions. And then when you turn around and tell everyone, "yes, we're best friends in the world" nobody believes you!!! Its all very telling.
incidentally I met some Koreans in Oz too, they were better than here.. but still not as cool as the Japs were. |
There is a difference between a Korean man who wants to be my best friend after a first meeting and the Korean man who has been my best friend for many years. |
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kimcheeking
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2003 9:50 pm Post subject: |
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I have a true korean friend, for the past three years. I had another one, but he moved to the states. It can be done, but takes time.
KK |
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BTM
Joined: 20 Jan 2003
Location: Back in the saddle.
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2003 10:48 pm Post subject: |
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| My best buddy when I lived in Busan was Korean. He died when the scaffolding on the construction site where he was working collapsed. Still freaking hurts to think about him. |
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Tiger Beer
Joined: 07 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2003 11:33 pm Post subject: |
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| Mashimaro wrote: |
| I have many male korean friends but I met 99% of them in Australia! Korean men seem much more relaxed and generally likeable when they are overseas. I guess when they are free from the confucian restraints of Korea they can be themselves, and are easier to relate too. |
AGREED! Same here. I've met some amazingly cool Korean guys.. but I've always met them either traveling or back home in my home country.
But I always like those kind of friends that either travel or live abroad, so it makes sense. If I'm back in my home country, its not likely I'll start hanging out with an American who wasn't either born, lived, or traveled overseas as well. |
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Gwangjuboy
Joined: 08 Jul 2003
Location: England
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| Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2003 12:15 am Post subject: Korean friends |
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I have been here two years now and have one Korean friend who I regard as a friend emotionally. I met him only the second day I arrived and have maintained a friendship with him ever since. Sometimes we differ about manners and culture but for the most part we have a very good relationship. If I had a problem in Korea I know he would do his utmost to help me. I am sure to an extent that he wants to improve his English ability but I want to improve my Korean too! There is nothing wrong with that as long as it takes a backseat to things like respect, trust and generosity.
PS. There is no better way to discover the real, and sordid part of Korea if you have a true Korean friend! (if you want to of course!) |
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Yaya
Joined: 25 Feb 2003
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2003 1:23 pm Post subject: |
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I met a good friend via work. The thing was, his Korean name and mine were identical (except when written in Chinese script).
A lot of times, a Korean guy will become friendly if you two are the same age, or if he happened to have studied in a school near your city.
Sure beats the coldness of America, that's for sure. |
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Leslie Cheswyck
Joined: 31 May 2003
Location: University of Western Chile
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| Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2003 1:59 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
A lot of times, a Korean guy will become friendly if you two are the same age, or if he happened to have studied in a school near your city.
Sure beats the coldness of America, that's for sure. |
Those appear to be the only two conditions under which true friendship with a Korean national can blossum...the former being suspect and the latter, dubious. That is, the Confucian senior/junior conditions placed upon relationships force Koreans into accepting only those with whom they share chronological parity---and even then they rate birthdays---as true friendship material.
I'll take true friendship out of the background "coldness" of America any day. |
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Dr. Buck
Joined: 02 Mar 2003
Location: Land of the Morning Clam
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| Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2003 3:44 pm Post subject: |
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"Sure beats the coldness of America, that's for sure."
Give me a break. What sad and cheap comment. What are you guys--some kind of social freak lepers?
Last winter break, my Korea wife and I took a month long road trip across the American west--Kerouac-style, in the redneck country and hicktowns and everything in between. We were met with nothing but warmth and kindness.
Whenever we walked into a hayseed saloon populated with armed cowboys and farmers, the music stopped and heads turned. A moment later, the typical 'where ya from?' conversation struck up and by the end of the night we had invitations to barbeques, exchanged addrresses, rounds of drinks and offers to crash at homes.
Or consider checking into some wayside country drive-in motel: while checking in, I mention we live in Korea and boom! Lots of friendly questions and curiousity and goodwill.
What do we get when we travel around Korea and check into the yogwon or motel? Suspcious looks, a few grunts, and the question of whether my wife and I need the room for an hour or two--as if she's a *beep* with a taste for waygooks.
Nice place, here in Hanguk. |
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Trinny
Joined: 01 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2003 3:48 pm Post subject: |
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| I believe Yaya's in LA. There is a difference between big city and small town mentality. |
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Goodgoings
Joined: 27 Mar 2003
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2003 11:45 pm Post subject: |
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| Dr. Buck wrote: |
"Sure beats the coldness of America, that's for sure."
Give me a break. What sad and cheap comment. What are you guys--some kind of social freak lepers?
Last winter break, my Korea wife and I took a month long road trip across the American west--Kerouac-style, in the redneck country and hicktowns and everything in between. We were met with nothing but warmth and kindness.
Whenever we walked into a hayseed saloon populated with armed cowboys and farmers, the music stopped and heads turned. A moment later, the typical 'where ya from?' conversation struck up and by the end of the night we had invitations to barbeques, exchanged addrresses, rounds of drinks and offers to crash at homes.
Or consider checking into some wayside country drive-in motel: while checking in, I mention we live in Korea and boom! Lots of friendly questions and curiousity and goodwill.
What do we get when we travel around Korea and check into the yogwon or motel? Suspcious looks, a few grunts, and the question of whether my wife and I need the room for an hour or two--as if she's a *beep* with a taste for waygooks.
Nice place, here in Hanguk. |
I feel for you Dr. Buck. Sometimes Korea can be prejudical and it just doesn't make any sense.Maybe you've already thought of this scenario after posting, but if you haven't, think about this one: Instead of you and your Korean wife taking a scenic trip across the American west in 'Kerouac-style", what if a Korean male or Mexican, African, Tibetan etc... and his Caucasian American wife took the same trip, don't you think they'd be treated rather badly-possibly the same as you two are sometimes treated here in Korea?This is unfortunate in both scenarios, but one cannot trump the other.Just another perspective. |
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Yaya
Joined: 25 Feb 2003
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2003 11:55 pm Post subject: |
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| Trinny wrote: |
| I believe Yaya's in LA. There is a difference between big city and small town mentality. |
Thank you, goodgoings. It's rare to find someone who can even understand a little the tribulations Asian males go through in the US. I guess I'm a bit biased since I'm an Asian male, and I've come to believe that the West isn't so hospitable to Asian males in certain respects. An Asian woman in the West is more accepted than an Asian male, a fact which I realized after talking with my ethnic Korean adoptee friends.
For your information, I grew up in a suburb of Washington, DC. I think Americans are POLITE but not necessarily friendly. Maybe Dr. Buck got lucky and ran into some nice people, but well, I doubt a lot of the stories that happen in Korea (foreigners getting treated REGULARLY to meals and booze, receiving favors from strangers) are everyday occurences in the US.
I also spent a year in Ohio, and though I met SOME nice people, to me it is a WASP state (then again, there is the Deep South). I was called a chink everyday there. Another buddy of mine went to MBA school in Pittsburgh and went through the same thing (mostly from ex-steel workers). He said he'd rather be crucified than spend another day there.
And Dr. Buck, perhaps YOU'RE the social leper if Korea is that awful for you.
Last edited by Yaya on Fri Jul 11, 2003 2:33 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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