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billybrobby
Joined: 09 Dec 2004
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 Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 12:58 am Post subject: |
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| xingyiman wrote: |
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| It's about whether it's somehow crass or shallow to date somebody where there is a huge language barrier. |
That's a subjective point in my opinion. That guy may have never been able to get a girl that pretty to go out with him in his whole life. In HIS eyes he may have just hit the jackpot and any existing language barriers are not at the forefront of concern. Whereas you and I might look at him and think "Man what a loser...(insert applicable stereotype...we all do it)". In the end t really doesn't matter what you and I think if that dude is happy then let it be. |
but that's the question at hand, isn't it? Can you really derive happiness from such a relationship? Or is just "hey, she's hot" or "beats being alone." |
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xingyiman
Joined: 12 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 1:23 am Post subject: |
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| but that's the question at hand, isn't it? Can you really derive happiness from such a relationship? Or is just "hey, she's hot" or "beats being alone." |
Only that guy can answer that. You obviously couldn't billy because the language barrier is a big sticking point with you. It may not be with him. I had friend that married a Chinese lady after knowng her for about a year. When they first met (in America) she could hardly speak Englsh. The guys name was Brian and they met at a club. She had arrived with an American aquaintence. Her American chosen name was Gloria. Brian began talking (a pretty one sided conversation) wth her and she was really embarrased that she didn't speak English so well. But she was impressed that he would take the time to talk to her even though she didn't speak so well. Gloria was a real babe and Brian, like many other American guys, had never really dated much let alone have a relationship that was serious. Gloria agreed to go out on a date with Brian. They began to hang out regularly and Gloria's command of English grew. Now 6 years and 3 children later, Gloria can speak pretty good English and she and Brian are a happy couple. Now on the one hand Brian is what many would consider a "loser", because most Americn women didn't give him the time of day. One of his problems was that he was too shy and the powerful, assertive atttitudes of many western women made it almost impossible for him to work up the nerve to ask. But he has a really wondeful family now. I tend to think of him more as a winner. Maybe he was in the right place at the right time, or maybe Gloria was just as shy as him. But regardless it worked out very well for everybody. Moral of the story: language barriers don't have to be insurmountable ones, and what works for one person may not always work for another. If you've read through all the past threads you can see that we each have our wn hang ups about the opposite sex. You wont date anybody you couldn't carry on a respectable conversation with and conversely if the lady is overweight I wont give her the time of day. We're all different so projecting our own caricatures of what constitutes a viable relationship option for us onto someone else is a waste of time - ours.
Last edited by xingyiman on Mon Mar 13, 2006 1:37 am; edited 2 times in total |
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ChimpumCallao
Joined: 17 May 2005
Location: your mom
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| Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 1:32 am Post subject: |
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i could go both ways on this....
for one, i could not imagine not only having to slow down and explain everything i said, but the lack of intelligent conversation we could have. In addition, any movie or show you wanna watch is moot, because you know they won't really get it. Also, language comes with the culture and there are a lot of things you can't converse about that are indicative of your country....say if i dated a korean guy i couldnt talk about futurama, or stupid neocons and hippies. no matter how good his english...he just wouldn't truly GET it. that stuff is important. and how can you be funny if you have to explain yourself??
but! i know that there are things that couples dont' talk about or know about going on in their partners lives because they have different interests or are from different regions. maybe the lack of language can be related to that exponentially. |
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Lizara
Joined: 14 Apr 2004
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 2:17 am Post subject: |
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Just repeating what others have said, really...
I couldn't imagine dating someone I couldn't talk to. One of my favourite aspects of a relationship is the conversation (which would be really funny if any of you knew how quiet I mostly am in real life.) I love people who make me laugh, and it's a lot easier to do that verbally. So I don't think I could date someone who had even a pretty decent command of English; they'd have to be quite fluent.
Then again, different things are important to different people and I'm not really up for judging anyone else's relationship. Maybe for that guy it's working out okay. |
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fusionbarnone
Joined: 31 May 2004
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| Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 3:09 am Post subject: |
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| Tommy Lee's(of Motley Crue fame) dad met his wife in Greece when stationed there whilst in the service. His dad couldn't speak Greek and his wife-to-be couldn't speak English therefore, as a solution, they were content to communicate through drawing pictures. They were married within weeks. |
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Mashimaro
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: location, location
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| Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 4:23 am Post subject: |
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| Lizara wrote: |
| I love people who make me laugh, and it's a lot easier to do that verbally. |
Maybe you are particularly verbal oriented person, but some of my friends in thailand make me laugh like no one else with the tiny smattering of english they know.
I'm sure they are even funnier in thai, but there personality more than shines through there english limitations.
I haven't met that many koreans who really make me laugh a lot unfortunately. |
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Qinella
Joined: 25 Feb 2005
Location: the crib
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| Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 4:43 am Post subject: |
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| I tend to agree with you Mr. Robby, in that language is a big barrier for me. There's absolutely no way I'd go out on dates with someone where neither one of us had any ability in the other's language. In the town where I just moved from, I always got my hair cut by the same gorgeous girl. Even though she told me she's single, lives alone, likes to drink, etc. I never asked her out because of the many times she'd say something to me in Korean and I wouldn't be able to understand. I think my Korean conversation skill's gonna need to be at a comfortable intermediate before I'd have the nerve to go on a date with someone who speaks no English. |
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huffdaddy
Joined: 25 Nov 2005
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| Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 4:47 am Post subject: |
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| Lizara wrote: |
Then again, different things are important to different people and I'm not really up for judging anyone else's relationship. Maybe for that guy it's working out okay. |
This is my ideal.  |
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xingyiman
Joined: 12 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 3:06 pm Post subject: |
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Just repeating what others have said, really...
I couldn't imagine dating someone I couldn't talk to. One of my favourite aspects of a relationship is the conversation (which would be really funny if any of you knew how quiet I mostly am in real life.) I love people who make me laugh, and it's a lot easier to do that verbally. So I don't think I could date someone who had even a pretty decent command of English; they'd have to be quite fluent.
Then again, different things are important to different people and I'm not really up for judging anyone else's relationship. Maybe for that guy it's working out okay. |
I think for a person who places more emphasis on looks the language barrier is less of an issue. Between a girl who is attractive and has communication issues with me and a girl who is average and speaks my language, I'll take the attractive one because I can progress intimately with her whereas the other girl I cannot. I'd rather just be friends with the latter. You can argue all day that it's a shallow perspective but it's really just a matter of persective and personal preference. My friends fill the need for association in my life and I don't need a girlfriend for those reasons. Some people require that of their signoficant other, I and many others simply do not. |
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