Korean Job Discussion Forums

Hater Depot · Joined: 29 Mar 2005

What would you do if a former student was writing to you, sometimes mentioning her struggles with depression, and then said that the only reason she doesn't kill herself is for her mother's sake? Let's say that this student is about 20 years old, doesn't attend school other than hagwon due to her illness, and you suspect that said mother might be fairly overbearing. And, her therapist is on her honeymoon.

cubanlord · Joined: 08 Jul 2005 Location: In Japan!

Be a good friend with an even better ear. Offer to hang out and spend some time together. You'd be surprised what a small kind gesture can do.

ilovebdt · Joined: 03 Jun 2005 Location: Nr Seoul

Hotpants · Joined: 27 Jan 2006

I think she's a bit selfish putting this pressure on you. I once had a student who feigned wanting to take her life just to get attention. It was really stressful in deciphering whether anything she was saying was serious or not. It ended in a big showdown which was resolved without consequence.

As you seem to be concerned about her, I would try to find some professional who could take care of her in the meanwhile. As bdt said, there must be some locum - or maybe in Korea such a system is not developed enough for locums? - or some professional care person you can ensure that the student gets in contact with. Such a situation needs help from trained individuals.

sadsac · Joined: 22 Dec 2003 Location: Gwangwang

Keep writing. Offer an outlet through her writing. If you feel that her threat is serious encourage her to seek help. Smile

alabamaman · Joined: 25 Apr 2006

This is an attention game! Challenge her to get honest with herself, and she should be using her therapist. You have an obligation to report letters like that to required parties. If you don't, something happens, then you live with guilt the rest of your life.

poet13 · Posted: Tue Jun 27, 2006 1:36 am Post subject:

I think you need to bring her situation, real or imagined, to the attention of a Korean adult.

Outside of swapping emails with her, I would not try to play therapist, doctor, interventionist, or anything else you're not licensed or qualified for. Think about the liability if indeed she whacks herself. If your name is associated, or her corrospendence with you discovered, I would bet dollars to donuts the family would come after you, rightly or wrongly.

Sure, be a friend, but cover you butt.

Pak Yu Man · Joined: 02 Jun 2005 Location: The Ida galaxy

Sounds like an attention *beep* to me.
She could talk to her mother, but doesn't.
She could talk to her friends, yet she probably hasn't that either.
Who does she talk to, her ex-teacher. WTF?

Maybe she wants something else from you. Escape from her mother perhaps.

alabamaman · Joined: 25 Apr 2006

itaewonguy · Joined: 25 Mar 2003

show this person that there are many wonderful things in the world for everyone! the power is within you to do what ever you wish to do!
help this person find a meaning or a purpose, find happiness.. help this person on the track! many humans get lost!!
some humans just need a push!

poet13 · Posted: Tue Jun 27, 2006 5:45 pm Post subject:

Wow! Who knew there were so many psychologist, psychiatrists, and therapists working as english teachers in korea.
OP. Cover your butt. Let a Korean know whats going on, for more than the reason I stated before. Say this person is grooming you as an emotional crutch. Hater Depot, I dont know if youre a guy or a girl, but what happens if in her confusion, she decides that the attention you pay her is love? What happens if in her confusion she decides she loves you? There are many ways this relationship can go very wrong for you. What happens if she confesses this love, and you dont reciprocate? A real attempt at suicide? Perhaps an angry claim that you DID have a relationship when she was a student, perhaps underage?
Again, please cover your butt. Share your concerns, and maybe even your correspondence with a Korean adult. At least if this goes bad, you will have something to point to.

philipjames · Joined: 03 Feb 2003

Pak Yu Man, your advice and attitude is reprehensible. For all we know this girl could be completely serious about her situation. A person's life may be on the line here.

To the OP, I know that she may be burdening you, but you potentially have the opportunity here to do a great good for a fellow human. As others said, direct her towards professional help. Insist that she attend her doctor's appointments. Perhaps ask a Korean friend to speak to her.
Depression is treatable. All she may need is a little pill each morning.

Perhaps she is looking for attention. But it is unethical for any of us to conclude that she is without fully knowing. Err on the side of decency. Suicides do occur, and they happen with great frequency in Korea. Good for you for posting here and requesting opinions. Insist that she gets medical attention. She can be on her way to wellness in a matter of weeks.

Ask a Korean colleague of yours to speak to her with you present.

Jameson

khyber · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Location: Compunction Junction

If this was just an attention thing, why would she be going to a therapist? Why not just whine to more friends?

alabamaman · Joined: 25 Apr 2006

Hater Depot · Joined: 29 Mar 2005

Thanks for everyone's input. I may not know this girl very closely, but I have enough experience with depressed and/or emotionally manipulative people to know (mostly) what is real and what is not. She has been going to the hospital regularly since finishing high school. Since she is already in treatment I am pretty reluctant to go charging in like some white knight, and perhaps maker her feel boxed in or that I want to pawn her off on someone else. I'm thinking about what to do.